Landscape: Fictionista WitFit Prompts, Summer 2011
by jennde
Summary: Based on Fictionista Workshop's daily writing prompt. A story of love, loss, and new beginnings. E/B, AH.
1. Deluxe

**This is based on today's WitFit prompts at Fictionista Workshop. You'll find it below.**

**I honestly have no idea where this is going, and here are a few things to keep in mind: this is the first time I've ever written anything without an outline, all of this will be unbetad, and this is the first time I've ever written in present tense. **

**In other words, this could get ugly.**

**I'll try to use the daily prompts from FW to move the story along, but there is an off chance that I'll use this header for another story arc in addition to this one. Please keep an eye on the author notes.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Word prompt: Deluxe**

**Dialogue flex: "Keep your hands off my stuff," he said.**

* * *

><p>I'm looking through my wedding album when I hear it. ""Keep your hands off my stuff!" my daughter shouts from her room.<p>

I sigh and get up from the couch. I was enjoying my few minutes of respite, an escape into my grief where he's still here and I'm a whole person.

I don't usually allow play dates. Not because I want to shelter her, but because I want to shelter myself. My grief overwhelms me and I don't want to sit and chit chat with another mom, pretending to be happy.

When I get upstairs, they're playing quietly, cards in their hands. This boy, Seth, is a new neighbor. His family just moved in next door and Mae asked me if she could have the new boy come over and play after school. I didn't want to deny her again, so I went to speak to his mother.

She was the overly friendly, effusive sort. The exact opposite of me. But I endured for Mae.

"Everything all right?" I ask Mae from the doorway.

"Yes, Mama," she tells me.

Seth looks over at me and smiles. "Yes, ma'am." Such a polite little boy.

They're playing Uno, Deluxe Edition. Jasper taught her to play last year. When I think about them sitting at the kitchen table, laughing and teasing each other, my heart hurts and my mood darkens even more. He'll never teach her another game, never hug or kiss her, never call her "angel" ever again.

He's gone and he's never coming back and I want to cry and scream in frustration. He was a good husband and a good father and he shouldn't have been taken from us so soon.

I leave them to their game, wondering about what could have prompted Maeve to yell like she did, but I can't find it in myself to give it too much thought. I'm tired and it's almost dinner time.

I put a tray of chicken nuggets and French fries in the oven, making enough for the boy upstairs. I'm hoping his mother will come and get him soon, but I need to be prepared. I don't want to go over there again. Her house is too nice and too bright. It has that comfortable, lived in look, even though they've only been here for a few weeks.

Their house is alive. It's not marred by absence.

I'm startled by a soft knock on the front door.

I smooth my hair down and clear my throat, expecting Seth's mother. No one else comes over.

There's a man on the other side, and I see the resemblance almost immediately.

"Hi, I'm Edward, Seth's father," he says.

"Bella," I say with a small smile. "Come on in. The kids are playing upstairs."

"Thanks. I hope he wasn't a bother," he replies, stepping into the foyer and following me through to the living room.

"Not at all. Please thank your wife again for letting him come over."

He looks uncomfortable. "She's not my wife."

He doesn't elaborate and I don't care enough to press further. So I smile and tell him I'm going to get the kids.

I hear them talking quietly when I'm in the hallway outside Mae's room. " My dad died," I hear her say. Tears well in my eyes and my heart hammers in my chest.

"What happened?" Seth asks.

"He got cancer." She sounds so matter of fact when the mere mention of my deceased husband effects me so deeply. I wonder if it's her age–I don't know if a six year old can really process death–or if we're just made of different stuff. I always thought she was more like her father than me. He could be so stoic and guarded. Except where she was concerned. His sun rose and set with her.

"I'm sorry," I hear Seth say. "My parents don't live together anymore. They're divorced. They used to fight a lot."

"My parents did too, right before my dad got sick."

My stomach turns and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I didn't think she remembered the time before Jasper got sick, when things were falling to pieces. I didn't want her to remember him that way. _I_ didn't want to remember him that way.

"Seth, your father is here," I call out, making my presence known before I show myself in the doorway.

Seth is getting up from the bed where Mae is still sitting. She follows us downstairs where Edward is waiting.

He's wearing jeans and a casual shirt under his thick coat and I briefly wonder what he does for a living and if he changed before he came over.

When Seth runs over and hugs him, I once again notice the resemblance – it's startling. They have the same copper colored hair, pale skin, and easy smile. But Seth's eyes are a warm brown and his father's–Edward's–are a striking green.

"Thanks again," Edward says, carrying him out to the foyer and grabbing Seth's coat.

"No trouble at all," I assure him.

"Your daughter is welcome at our place any time."

"Her name in Maeve, Daddy."

Edward smiles at the correction and addresses Maeve directly. "It's nice to meet you, Maeve."

She hides behind my leg but smiles and waves.

I manage a small smile as I say goodbye.

I feed Mae her dinner and even manage to choke down a few french fries. My mind is still on the conversation I overheard and I'm having trouble figuring out a way to approach her. Finally, I decide to just ask.

"What do you remember most about Daddy?" I ask.

She shrugs and takes a sip of her water.

"Come on, there must be something," I prompt.

She shrugs and looks down at her plate. "I don't want to make you sad."

"It's okay, you can tell me. Even if it's bad."

"It's not bad," she says. "It's just every time I talk about Daddy you get sad and sometimes you don't come out of your room."

Hot tears sting my eyes as her words sink in.

It's my first clue that I've been doing my daughter a disservice.

I just don't know how to fix it.

I tell her I love her, give her extra hugs and kisses at bedtime, and stay up late into the night, thinking.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading.<strong>


	2. Demolish

**Remember this is unbetad, I apologize for any mistakes. **

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Demolish**

* * *

><p>Mae asks if Seth can come over again the next day, but I don't have it in me after a long day at work. Her words from the day before are still with me though, so I make an effort to be upbeat, but I'm not sure I'm fooling her.<p>

We have a quiet night at home until bedtime, when Mae refuses to stay in her room. She needs a drink of water and to go to the bathroom, she's scared of the dark and isn't tired. After her last excuse and the fifth time she comes out of her room, I lose it.

"Get back in bed right now!" I shout at her from the living room. She's at the top of the stairs in her footie pajamas, but as cute as she is with her curly brown hair and big blue eyes, I have no more patience.

"But I'm not tired," she whines.

"I don't care. Get in bed _now_. You don't want me to come up there."

"You're right, I _don't_ want you. I want Daddy!" she shouts.

And there it is.

I instinctively recoil from her words, hurt that I can't give her what she needs and wanting to cry because that's what I want too. I want my husband and her father back. But wanting and wishing are useless. He's gone and he's never coming back.

I don't respond for a moment, my sadness and grief threatening to overwhelm me once again. But I take a deep breath and for my daughter, get up and try to act like a parent instead of a grieving widow.

I trudge up the stairs and pick her up, holding her small body close to mine. "I'm sorry," I whisper in her ear, sitting us down on the top step. "I miss Daddy too."

She clings to me and starts to cry, and it occurs to me that she hasn't cried about him since his funeral six months ago. At least not in front of me.

I sit with her at the top of the stairs, holding her in my lap and letting her cry.

She eventually tires herself out and falls asleep. I carry her to her room, tuck her into bed, and sit there for a few minutes watching her sleep. A few things have started to become clear to me in the past couple of days, things I'm not sure I'm ready to face. At least not alone. And it makes me miss Jasper that much more. Parenting is hard, but I'm finding parenting alone almost impossible. I go through the motions, sure, but putting dinner in front of her and making sure she does her homework is something anyone can do.

Parents are supposed to do more. I'm just not sure if I can.

I get up and go to my room, crawling under the covers full clothed, and fall asleep almost immediately.

When my alarm wakes me up the next morning, it takes every ounce of strength I have to get out of bed and start my day. Mae is subdued but seems none the worse for wear. I ask her if she's all right and she shrugs her shoulders and tells me she's fine.

My workday goes quickly and I'm grateful for my accounting work that keeps my interaction with other people to a minimum. I pick up Mae from school, and when we pull into our driveway we see Seth getting out of his car with the woman I met the other day. I'm sure she told me she was Seth's mother, but I find the fact that she's not married to Edward a little strange. Still, it's not my business so I don't give it much thought. I can't even remember her name though I'm sure she told me the other day.

It's freezing out and I don't want to make small talk, but there's no escaping.

"Hey, Bella," she greets as Seth and Meave wave to each other. "Is it okay if Meave comes over for a little while? Seth's been asking."

I'm tired and suddenly grateful that I'll get to lay down for a few minutes before dinner. "Sure. That would be great. I'll come pick her up right before dinner."

I lean down and kiss Mae's cheek. "You be good and mind Seth's mother," I tell her.

"I will, Mommy," she says, smiling and running toward Seth. Once I see she's safely in the house I open my front door and go upstairs to take a quick nap.

When I wake up my room is pitch black and someone is pounding on my front door.

I'm disoriented, but I run downstairs and fling the door open. Seth's father is holding Maeve and she has her head buried in his chest against the biting winter wind.

"I was about to call the police," he says. "I've been knocking for a while. I thought maybe something happened to you." There's no accusation in his voice, just concern. It makes me feel inexplicably sadder.

"I'm sorry. I fell asleep." I motion for him to come in. "Is it very late?"

"It's just past seven," he says, putting Mae down in the living room. "She's had dinner and her homework is done. Maggie told me you were going to pick her up before dinner. I started to worry."

I make note of the name Maggie while I take Mae's coat off and hug her tightly, then take her backpack from her and put it on the floor next to the couch.

"I'm sorry," I say again, feeling guilty that I left the care of my daughter to virtual strangers. I look over at her – she's watching television and seems perfectly happy.

"It's fine, really," he says. "It's good for Seth to have someone to play with." He smiles and I notice how nice it is. It seems easy and genuine and I return it despite myself.

"Well, thank you," I say, walking him into the foyer. I look down and notice he's tracked some sort of dust on my floor. His boots are covered with it.

"Sorry about that," he says sheepishly when he sees me looking. "That's what happens when you demolish a building."

I look at him quizzically and he smiles that smile again. "Don't worry, I'm putting up a new one in its place."

"Are you in construction?" I ask, genuinely interested in knowing more about this man I've spent a total of approximately six minutes with. His presence is oddly comforting.

"I'm an architect. My firm is putting up the new library on Washington Street." He motions to the dust on the floor. "I can clean it up."

"No, no. You took care of my daughter. It's the least I can do."

"Okay, well..." He hooks his thumb toward the door and looks at me with what I think is sympathy. I'm not good at this – making small talk with strangers. Though in this instance it doesn't feel uncomfortable. More like I want to think of something to say to keep him here just a little bit longer. But nothing comes to mind before he opens my front door.

"Thanks again," I say, putting my arms across my chest against the cold air.

"Anytime, Bella." He smiles and walks away, and I close the door behind him.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading and for your kind reviews. I'm trying to reply to all of them, but I don't always succeed.<br>**

**I should update daily/every other day–not including weekends–as long as the prompt inspires me. We'll see how long I can keep this up.**


	3. Pure

**This is unbetad. All mistakes belong to me.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Pure**

* * *

><p>I know I need help, I'm just not sure where to look for it. My parents are back in Washington and I don't have any close friends. Acquaintances, sure, but no one I'm comfortable enough with to talk about what I'm feeling.<p>

Except for Rose.

She was the first friend I made when I moved to Massachusetts for college, and it took her two years to introduce me to her older brother. Jasper and I hit it off immediately and were married right after I graduated. Rose and I continued to be close friends, but our contact waned over the years. She was wrapped up in Royce and I was busy, first getting my career off the ground, and then being a working mother. After Jasper's diagnosis, she spent a good deal of time with us, getting to know Mae and squeezing as much time in with her brother as she could.

I'd retreated after the funeral, not answering her calls or emails, wanting to wallow in my misery and grief.

But as I'm slowly realizing, that choice isn't just about me, it's about my daughter and I'm not doing her any favors by sheltering us.

But every time I pick up the phone to call Rose, I hesitate. She's still Jasper's sister and there are some things she never needs to know.

The week passes slowly and when Friday rolls around, I'm exhausted. I'm sure it's mostly from pretending I'm happy and not desolate on the inside. But I'm trying to keep up appearances for Mae's sake.

Mae asks a few times during the week if she can go see Seth, but I'm too embarrassed to go over and we don't see them outside.

I'm taking Mae's coat off after school on Friday afternoon when I notice the sleeves are almost at the middle of her forearm.

"This is too small," I say rhetorically.

She shrugs and looks down. "I told you last week but you didn't hear me."

My eyes sting with tears as I once again realize how badly I'm failing my child. I take a deep breath and force a smile, kneeling next to her. "I'm sorry, baby. We'll get you a new one tomorrow."

She smiles and throws her arms around my neck. "I love you, Mommy."

A tear slips down my cheek and I hug her back tightly.

We go the mall the next day. Thankfully it's not crowded; it's February and the holiday shoppers are long gone. We find her a pretty new coat, plus some sturdy snow boots, a few pairs of jeans, socks, and other odds and ends she tells me she needs. The guilt I feel over my neglect of her basic needs is like a weight on my chest, but I take small solace in the fact that I'm actively doing something to care for her.

We stop for lunch and I actually have a little bit of an appetite; I can't remember the last time I was in a restaurant.

We have ice cream cones on the way out and Mae tries to keep her licking ahead of the melting, but it doesn't work. When she looks at me with chocolate smeared all over her face and smiles, it's the first moment of pure joy I've felt in almost two years.

It's only when we step out of the mall that I realize it's been snowing. The two or three inches on the ground isn't enough to make me nervous, but I drive home cautiously.

It's still snowing lightly when we pull into the driveway. We get out of the car, but before I can grab the bags, Maeve and Seth are shouting to each other. I look over and Edward and Seth appear to be building a snowman in their front yard. They have two body parts in place and are in the process of rolling out the last one.

"Hey, Bella," Edward calls to me.

I wave and walk over, Maeve running ahead of me to greet Seth.

"Hi, Edward," I say, shoving my hands in my coat pockets.

He smiles at me and looks at Maeve. "I don't know if you know this, Mae," he tells her, "but there's a science to making a snowman."

She giggles and looks up at him shyly and my heart squeezes in my chest a little. "Seth and I are having a little trouble making it work," he continues. "Do you think you can help us?"

She nods and smiles before remembering herself and looking up at me. "Go ahead," I say, patting her head lightly.

I watch as Edward helps Seth and Maeve finish rolling out the snowman's head. Edward places it on top of the other two and they stand back and appreciate it for a moment before Edward scratches his head. "Something's missing," he announces.

"Eyes!" Seth says.

"No, that's not it," Edward replies, a look of mischief on his face.

"Yes it is, Daddy! A nose too!"

"Are you sure?" Edward asks. "What do you think, Maeve?"

She giggles and looks up at him. "He needs a face," she says, smiling brightly.

"Hm," Edward says, scratching his chin. "If you say so..."

"We'll go get something. Come on, Mae!" Seth grabs Maeve's hand and leads her inside his house, leaving Edward and I alone outside.

"Sorry to impose on your snowman construction," I say.

"You're not imposing," he says softly, tilting his head slightly in apparent confusion.

It's cold out and I'm starting to feel it. I cross my arms over my chest and rub my hands up and down. Edward leans toward me a little and reaches out a hand, but then drops it at his side. He take a deep breath and smiles at me.

"Were you out today?" he asks. He's not wearing a hat and there are snowflakes falling onto his messy bronze hair. His cheeks are red from the cold and in that moment he doesn't look old enough to have a six year old son. I wonder how old he is and then shake the thought away. It doesn't matter.

"Yeah. Shopping," I finally say.

"Seth grows out of his clothes so fast I can barely keep up," he says, laughing and shaking his head.

"Me too. I have to do better," I say softly, my guilt from earlier flaring up a little.

"Hey," he says gently. "I'm sure you do fine."

"I'm not so sure." My voice is barely above a whisper and I wonder why I'm saying these things to this virtual stranger.

He reaches a hand out again and touches my arm lightly. "If you ever need anything, I'm right–"

"Dad! Look what we found!" Seth shouts. Edward drops his hand and turns toward his son.

"What did you find, buddy?" Maeve and Seth are all smiles as they come down the front steps, laden with their treasures. Buttons for the eyes, a carrot for the nose, and some shiny stones for the mouth.

Edward takes turns lifting the kids so they can make the face, which is lopsided, but they squeal and shout when it's finished. "Best snowman I've ever seen," Edward declares, an arm around each child. "Now how about some hot chocolate?"

"Yes!" Seth cries.

Maeve looks at me hopefully but I shake my head. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. "Thanks, but we need to head home," I tell Edward. I think he looks disappointed for a moment, but his expression evens out so quickly I'm not sure I saw it at all.

I thank Edward again, grab the packages from the car, and take Maeve inside.

For some reason, the house feels more dark and lonely than usual.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading and for your kind reviews. <strong>


	4. Frustration

**This isn't actually a witfit prompt. Thanks to Anne, Betsy, and Kayla who encouraged me to use my frustration at the lack of a prompt to write my next chapter.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Still not betad

**prompt: frustrated**

* * *

><p>I lie in bed the next morning and can't remember a time when I didn't wake up exhausted and ready to immediately go back to bed.<p>

Today is no exception.

I get up anyway and look out my bedroom window and into the backyard; I groan softly when I see the three or four inches of snow that has accumulated overnight. I drag myself to the bathroom to shower, then dress and make a pot of strong coffee.

As silly as it sounds, it's days like this I miss Jasper most. I miss having a partner, someone to share the burdens of everyday life. Like grocery shopping, keeping up with the laundry, getting the oil changed in the car.

Shoveling snow.

I'm getting better at taking care of those mundane details now. But I wish I don't have to be. I'm so very tired of doing it all alone. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Though if Jasper had lived, there was the possibility I would be doing this alone anyway.

I pour a cup of coffee, drink it quickly, then bundle myself up for the long morning of shoveling snow. I hope Mae sleeps a few more hours so I can get it all done without having to stop.

I pause when I notice a puddle in the foyer. I look up and see where it's coming from; there appears to be a leak in the roof. I sigh, wondering what else can possibly go wrong, and go hunt for a bucket. I find one in the basement, put it under the leak, and pray it doesn't get any worse. Just one more thing for me to handle on my own.

I open my front door and step out onto the front porch, but stop short once I take in the scene before me. What I'm seeing is unbelievable, yet undeniable.

My walk and front porch have been shoveled, and my car is clean. I consider magic, elves, and Jasper's ghost, but I know it's folly. I know who did this, and I look over to confirm my suspicions; the front of Edward's house is similarly shoveled clean.

My first feeling after disbelief is gratitude, which soon morphs into anger. Who is he to think I can't take care of my home and my child? I'm not some pathetic widow who needs charity – we've been getting along fine on our own. I turn on my heels and go into the house, slamming the door behind me.

I've been struggling every day since Jasper died–since he was diagnosed, really–to keep my head above water. I haven't always succeeded, but where I have, it's always been on my own merits. I despise people feeling sorry for me. I don't want anyone's pity.

When Mae wakes up we have a quiet breakfast and spend the rest of the morning watching cartoons. I want to go over and yell at the man next door and call him out on his presumptions about me, but I don't. Then I get frustrated at my lack of nerve. But I keep it all inside and put on a happy face for my daughter. I've failed her enough already.

At lunchtime there's a knock on our front door and I steel myself. We never have visitors and the only person who's knocked in the last few months has been new neighbors.

I fling open the door, and there's Edward, a smile on his face. "What do you want?" I ask angrily.

His smile falters and I instantly feel awful. He has one of those smiles that's contagious and carefree and I hate that I took it away. But I don't let that distract me. "If you're looking for some sort of thank you for doing what you did, you can forget it. I never asked you for anything."

His eyes take on a pained expression and I almost start to cry. I don't want to be this person. I want to thank him and invite him in for coffee and get to know him better. I want to make him to smile again.

But I don't know how.

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "Seth and I were going to grab lunch and we thought you and Mae might like to come." He pauses and runs a hand through his hair. "I guess not."

"No, thank you," I say. "The poor widow doesn't need your charity."

His eyes flash an almost angry green before softening again. "That might be the way you see yourself, but that's not what I see when I look at you."

"I do not...How dare you," I stutter out.

He just looks at me kindly and it's all I can do to not scream out in frustration and sorrow. This is the most emotion I've felt in months and I want to lash out at him for making me feel it.

"You need to leave," I choke out.

He nods his head and turns away from me.

I close the door behind him and walk back into the living room. "Mommy has to go upstairs for a minute," I say, not waiting for a response.

I throw myself on my bed, my body wracked by sobs. I don't know what to do or what to feel. I'm so very tired of being alone, but I'm afraid of the hurt that comes with caring about another person. I can't take another betrayal, another loss.

Being alone is safer.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

**Just to clear something up since there seems to be a little confusion (which I'm sure is my fault), Edward lives in the house next door. The rest of the details will reveal themselves as we move along.  
><strong>

**I probably won't update again until Monday, I have a busy weekend ahead of me.**


	5. Landscape

**I lied. I found some time to write so I figured I'd update.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Not betad.

**Prompt: landscape**.

* * *

><p>Edward doesn't come back. I'm both relieved and heart broken that I shut that door so completely. I know he was just trying to be kind and neighborly, and I drove him away for no other reason than I'm afraid. Afraid of what accepting kindness and generosity will lead to.<p>

We see Edward and Seth sometimes, when we're coming or going from the house, but I move us quickly so as to avoid any interaction. I see Maggie and I wonder if she knows what happened. And I wonder about her relationship with Edward.

I sequester us for the rest of the winter. Maeve asks after Seth–who's in a separate class at school–and I always have an excuse ready. I can't face Edward. I know I was wrong and cruel and what I said to him was uncalled for. I'm ashamed and stuck.

Maeve and I bake cookies, we watch movies, I teach her how to crochet and we color. I hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her. I'm as warm and affectionate as I know how to be. Jasper used to complain that I wasn't touchy-feely – he liked to joke that I lacked the affection gene. He was incredibly affectionate with both me and Mae and I don't want her to miss that. So I try. She's innocent and sweet and deserves to feel the love of her only surviving parent.

I take some joy from being with her and I find myself having to pretend less as the weeks go by. But when I'm not with her I feel the darkness envelop me and it's sometimes hard to get myself out of it. Still, what little energy I have I put into her. I don't want her to be like me; I want her to be happy and carefree and without the burdens of grief and sadness.

Mae is calm and respectful–almost docile–as the snow melts from the landscape. She doesn't mention her father again or ask any questions about him. This worries me, but I don't talk about him either and I'm sure she's mirroring me in her behavior.

Mae keeps a picture of the three of us on her bedside table. It's from last year; after we lost hope and the doctors told us there was nothing else they could do, we took a trip to the beach and stayed for a few weeks. We didn't do much except spend time by the ocean and just be together, but it's what Jasper wanted. No sky-diving or trips around the world, no expensive wine or fancy dinner. Jasper wanted to spend his last days quietly with his family.

Besides the picture, Mae has some shells in her bedroom that she and Jasper collected from the beach. She had a meltdown and shouted at me the one time I tried to touch them, so I leave them alone now.

With the spring rain the leak in the roof gets a little bit worse, and I keep meaning to make a phone call to have someone come out and look at it, but I'm so busy at work and with Mae that I keep forgetting. I put a bucket under it and convince myself a roofer won't come out when it's raining this much anyway and it can wait until summer.

At the end on March Mae catches a cold. I take care of her and keep her home from school for a few days. By the time she goes back I've caught it, but I've already missed so many days when she was sick that I go to work.

A week later I'm not only still sick, but sure I've progressed from a cold to something much worse. Still, I need to work and a six year old can't care for herself, so I keep going. Advil is barely keeping the fever down, my throat is raw, and I have no appetite.

I feel a little dizzy when I pick Maeve up from school on Thursday, but I manage to get us home and make her a box of macaroni and cheese. I tell her to eat in front of the television while I go take a nap, and to wake me when she's finished so I can give her a bath.

I crawl into bed fully clothed and fall asleep immediately.

I can hear Mae calling my name and feel her tiny hand on my arm, but I can't respond to her. I feel as if I'm underwater, unable to reach the surface, though I'm trying desperately. My daughter needs me and I must get to her. But it's impossible.

The next thing I'm aware of is murmured voices. It sounds like two men, and I'm suddenly anxious since that should be impossible. I try so hard to wake up and call out for Mae. I don't know where she is and why these people are in my house and I have to find her. I'm not sure if I make a sound, but all of a sudden the voices are quiet and there's a hand on my face. For a second I think it's Jasper, but his hands were soft. These hands are rough and calloused, but so very gentle, and they feel so, so good.

"You're going to be okay, Bella," a familiar voice says. I can't quite place who it is, but I'm immediately comforted. "Maeve is fine. We're taking care of her. I don't want you to worry."

I know Maeve is safe and cared for so I let myself rest.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

**That should be it until Monday – unless I get a burst of inspiration tomorrow. One never knows.  
><strong>


	6. Trunk

**Not betad.  
><strong>  
>Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.<p>

**Prompt: Trunk**

* * *

><p>It's dark when I wake up next, though there's dim light streaming into my bedroom from the en suite bathroom. I'm warm and I notice I'm in my pajamas and covered with the quilt that's usually stored in the chest at the foot of my bed.<p>

I try to sit up but I only manage to lift my head. I lie back down and turn toward my bedroom window. What I see there surprises me, but perhaps not as much as it should. I'm just not sure why.

Edward is sprawled out on an armchair, sleeping with his head resting on his hand. It's hard to tell in this light but I think he looks tired. I take a minute to admire him and realize, probably not for the first time, how handsome he is. Then I think about the horrible way I treated him and I feel more distraught than ever. Especially since its now apparent he's been here taking care of me and his was the voice I heard.

I cough lightly and close my eyes, wondering how sick I am and how long I've been like this.

"Hey," Edward says. "You're awake."

"Mae?" I ask, opening my eyes and looking over at him.

"She's fine. Next door with Seth and my mother. My mom's the one who changed you into your pajamas," he says, gesturing toward me.

That his mother is with the children seems so strange, considering Maggie, but I don't say anything. I'm just relieved my daughter is safe and well cared for.

I thank him and he nods, looking almost nervous. I'm so ashamed that I would make him feel that way around me.

"I'm so sorry," I say weakly, a hot tear streaking across the bridge of my nose and onto my pillow.

He tilts his head to the side and narrows his eyes slightly and I answer his unasked question. "That day you shoveled the snow. I never should have spoken to you like that. I'm a few weeks late, but thank you for what you did."

He gives me a shrug and a half smile. "It's okay. I understand."

"It's not okay," I insist, sniffing and coughing again.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender. "Fair enough, but that's not the most important thing right now. How do you feel?"

"Achy and thirsty."

He nods and gets up, taking a water bottle from the table and sitting on the edge of my bed. I think I should feel uncomfortable that he's on my bed, but I don't. "Can you sit up?" he asks.

"I think so." I struggle a little but with Edward's help I'm able to sit up with my back against the headboard. I'm a little dizzy but the water helps. "What happened? What day is it?" I ask once I hand the bottle back to him.

Edward places the water bottle on the bedside table and goes back to the chair, sitting straight with his hands in his lap. "It's Friday night. Maeve came over on Thursday in a panic, saying she couldn't wake you up. I came over and found you unconscious in your bed."

"She must have been so scared," I whisper, another tear escaping my eye. My poor baby, after losing her father, had to come in and find me like that. I've been so irresponsible.

"She was terrified," he says. I appreciate his honesty. The last thing I need right now is to be coddled. "After I determined you were breathing, I called my father and he came right over. He's a doctor."

I nod and wait for him to continue, remembering the second voice I heard when I was swimming in and out of consciousness.

"He thinks you have pneumonia. He keeps a medical bag in the trunk of his car but didn't want to give you anything without talking to you first. He said there was nothing to do except keep an eye on you and wait. So that's what I've been doing."

"How's Mae?" I ask, not sure I want to know the answer but needing to hear the consequences of my actions.

"She's... I don't know her well, but she seems pretty upset and she had nightmares last night. I didn't know if I should send her to school today, but I spoke with her teacher and I thought it best to keep her occupied and in her routine rather than home worrying about you."

I let out a long breath and absorb what he's saying. I feel awful, but I deserve it. As if Maeve's not suffering enough, I've just made her life more difficult. I don't know what I would have done without Edward and his family.

"Seth's been keeping her occupied otherwise," he continues, "and she's been over to see you a few times. I think she needs to be reassured that you're just sleeping."

I look into Edward's tired but bright green eyes and wish I could find words to express my gratitude for his kindness, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out. He's nursed me and taken care of my daughter and hasn't asked me for a thing in return. I feel so lucky and I wonder what I've done to deserve this.

I'm shaking with the effort not to cry, but that just leads to an epic coughing fit. Edward comes over and rubs my back and offers me water but it still takes a while to get it under control. I feel so childish and embarrassed and now I have no idea why I'm crying.

I'm a mess.

Once my coughing stops I realize how close Edward is, sitting on my bed next to me. Before I can think about it I bury my head in his chest and cry in earnest. His strong arms come around me and hold me close, which just makes me cry harder for some reason. I'm clinging to this stranger as if he's my lifeline. "I'm sorry," I mumble into his chest.

"Shhh, none of that now," he says softly, rubbing my back.

I don't know how long I stay like that but I eventually pull away and grab a tissue from the night table and blow my nose. "Why are you so nice to me?" I ask, sniffing and running the tissue across my nose.

He shrugs and looks down. "Do I need a reason?" he whispers.

"I guess not." Still, this seems extreme. Not that I'm not grateful, because I am, I just wonder if there's more here than meets the eye.

"I need to call my father," he says, abruptly getting up and striding across the room. "He wanted to know when you woke up. Is it okay if he comes by and checks on you?"

I nod my head and look a the bedside clock. It's three thirty in the morning and even though I've slept for more than a full day, I'm suddenly exhausted. I lie down and pull the covers up, comforted by Edward's murmured voice in the hallway.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>


	7. Streak

Edward called his father and didn't take Bella to the hospital because she was breathing steadily and he didn't know her insurance situation. Hospital bills can be exorbitant in America if you're among the uninsured. It's an unfortunate situation.

I wanted to mention that in the last chapter but there was nowhere good to put it. And then I forgot to put it in my a/n.

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: streak**

* * *

><p>I wake up when I hear Mae calling my name. I open my eyes to daylight and find my daughter sitting on the bed. She crawls in with me and cries and buries her head in my chest while I hold her close.<p>

"I don't want you to leave me, Mommy," she sobs.

I stroke her hair and cry with her and tell her I'm not going anywhere. I vow to take better care of myself. In my desire to be a good caregiver for her, I did something that could have taken me away from her permanently. I need to end this self-destructive streak because my life is never just about me.

I know the assurances I give her are hollow – she's lost a parent already and knows there's nothing keeping me here if fate has other plans. But I promise her I'll do better and I mean it.

She lays with me for a while and when she finishes crying she picks her head up and looks at me. "Please try not to get sick again," she whispers. Her fear is so plainly written on her face that seeing it makes my chest ache.

"I'll try, baby. I promise things are going to be different for us from now on." If I know one thing for sure now, it's that we cant do this alone. It might have taken me six months to realize it, but I know we need help._ I_need help. I've been arrogant and selfish and the time has come for me to put my daughter first. Step number one is getting us both the help we need.

We lay silently for a while longer before I hear someone clear their throat. I look over at Edward standing in the doorway to my bedroom, an indiscernible look on his face. I don't know him well yet, but he looks almost envious, yet there's a softness to his face that makes my heart pound just a little bit faster than normal.

"I hope it's okay. I thought you'd want to see her," he says.

"It's perfect. Thank you," I assure him, kissing the top of Mae's head. She's the best medicine.

He nods and runs a hand through his hair. "My father's here," he says, hooking a thumb over his shoulder. "Is it okay if he comes up?"

"Of course," I say. I look down at Mae, who's resting her head on my chest. "Meave, sweetie, the doctor is here to look at Mommy. "

"Hey, Maeve," Edward says, walking into my bedroom. "Have I ever told you my mom makes the best chocolate chip pancakes in the whole world?"

Maeve picks up her head and smiles. "Really? Chocolate chips is pancakes?" She turns to me. "Can I, Mommy?"

"Of course you can, baby." She gives me a quick hug and squeals in delight as Edward picks her up and tosses her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. It's good to see her happy but my heart squeezes just a little bit at seeing another man do something so fatherly. But it doesn't bother me as much as I think it should, which in itself is bothersome. I sigh at my jumbled, cyclical thoughts and reach for a sip of water.

Maeve giggles as she waves goodbye to me over Edward's shoulder.

It can't be more than a minute later when a man holding a leather bag appears in my doorway. He's smiling at me but I can tell he's also appraising my condition. He's tall and slim and has an air of confidence I notice, and appreciate, immediately.

"Hello," he says. "I'm Carlisle Cullen, Edward's father. He told you I'm a physician?"

I nod and sit up. "Yes, thank you for coming."

"It's no problem," he says, resting his bag on the end of my bed. "Are you comfortable with me examining you? My wife is at Edward's, I can ask her to come and be here if you'd prefer."

Maybe I'm an idiot, but there's something about these people I trust. "No, this is fine," I say.

"How do you feel?" he asks, reaching into his bag and pulling out a stethoscope.

"Tired, achy, and like I'm breathing through a wet washcloth," I respond as he sits on the edge of the bed.

He nods and places the end of the stethoscope on my chest. "Breathe as deeply as you can for me."

Turns out that's not very deeply at all – I get halfway through my breath and start coughing. After I stop he continues to move the stethoscope around my chest and back, asking me to breathe normally. I look at him as he's doing this and slowly come to the realization that he has almost no resemblance to Edward.

He finishes and packs his instruments away in his bag. "You have pneumonia. I'm going to start you on a round of antibiotics and give you some cough medicine. You need to rest and drink plenty of fluids. Do you have any allergies?"

I shake my head and he hands me a bottle of pills and some cough syrup. "I mean it, you need to rest," he says pointedly. "Stick to the antibiotics – don't miss a dose. Take Advil for fever and pain. Do you have a primary care physician?"

"No," I say, shaking my head.

"Okay, then I'll be back to check on you in a day or so."

I promise to rest and take my pills, popping the first one before he even leaves. "It was nice to meet you, Bella. I hope to see you again under better circumstances."

"Me too," I say. And I actually mean it. "Thank you for everything."

He gives me a smile before leaving the room.

Edward comes back a few minutes later, but I can barely keep my eyes open.

"My father said you need to rest. I'm going to keep Maeve at my place, okay?"

I nod and my eyes close against my will. "Thank you," I mumble.

Sunlight is waning when I wake up, and I'm alone. I'm both relieved and a little bothered, but considering how dirty I feel and how badly I need to use the bathroom, my relieved side is much more pronounced.

I very slowly make my way to the bathroom, take care of business, then strip down and step into the shower. It's a little bit of a struggle, but I'm able to wash my hair and clean myself without catastrophic injury.

I slip on my robe, feeling better than I have in days, and go out into the bedroom.

I find Edward staring at my bed, a hand in his hair. "I'm here," I say.

He jumps a little and turns toward me. "Are you all right?" he asks, taking a step forward. Then he stops in his tracks, his cheeks reddening. "Um... I'm sorry. I shouldn't walk in and out of your bedroom. I just wanted to check on you."

"It's all right," I say, pulling my robe around me. "You didn't know."

"Uh... are you hungry?" he asks, running a hand across the back of his neck.

I hadn't thought about food in days, but I was suddenly ravenous. "Yeah. Maybe I'll get dressed and make something."

"You get dressed and I'll take care of the food. My mom sent over some chicken soup. Is that okay?"

"That's great," I say, smiling at him.

He smiles back and looks at me shyly before turning to leave. "Okay. I'll meet you downstairs."

I get dressed and meet Edward in the kitchen.

We go from neighbors to friends over his mother's chicken soup.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

Sorry I didn't get to replies this last chapter. I was wrapped up in DMM.


	8. Routine

**Not betad**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: routine**

* * *

><p>I learn quite a bit about Edward over chicken soup. He's originally from Chicago, but has been living in Brookline for the past eighteen years. He's twenty-eight and owns his own architectural firm. He seems young to own his own business but I don't question too much, mostly because I like listening to the sound of his voice. It's strong, yet soft and soothing.<p>

He always wanted to be an architect, having been fascinated by buildings in and around Chicago early in life. He admired the columns outside the Federal Reserve Building, the majesty of the Sears Tower, the rotunda at the Art Institute of Chicago. He works long hours but makes sure to be home every night for dinner, homework, and a bedtime story with his son. His face lights up when he talks about Seth and if it's even possible, he looks even more handsome.

He talks almost as if he's a single father and part of me wants to probe further about Maggie, but I don't want to press him for details he's not ready to give. Lord knows there are some things I'm not ready to talk about.

Edward quietly asks me about Jasper and I tell him about the end of his life. How the time between diagnosis and death was so quick and how we tried to squeeze in all the time we could together during those last months. It hurts less, somehow, to talk to Edward. He listens silently and attentively, and while he appears sympathetic, there's no pity in his expression. He doesn't ask any questions and nods his head when I'm finished.

"You're doing a remarkable job," he comments.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're doing a remarkable job keeping it together. Mae is a sweet girl, you take care of your home and go to work every day." He shrugs. "You could easily let your grief consume you, but you don't."

"You're wrong," I say. "I've been doing a terrible job. If Mae hadn't had you to go to when I got sick..." I shake my head and look down. "I need to do better. Going through the motions and keeping up a routine isn't enough."

"Maybe, but maybe you're not doing as badly as you think you are. I've known people who couldn't handle their grief at all," he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

I don't want to argue about this so I pick up our empty bowls and shuffle over to the sink, my energy fading fast. We've already talked so much and now I just want to lie down.

I feel him behind me, he's warm and solid and gentle as he takes the bowls from my hand. "I'll take care of this. Why don't you go up to bed?"

I want to protest but I'm too tired, so I just nod my head. "I'd like to see Maeve again," I say.

He nods and puts the bowls in the sink. "Whenever you want. Did you want me to send her back for good?"

"Oh, um... I'm not sure." I'm suddenly so tired I can barely keep myself upright. I didn't think getting out of bed and eating soup would constitute "overdoing it", but perhaps I'm wrong.

Edward must notice because he grabs my elbow to steady me. "That answers that question. Can you make it upstairs?"

I look up at him and realize the time has come for me to be serious about asking for help. "I'm not sure," I say honestly.

He nods and releases my elbow, putting his hand on the small of my back. "I'm right here," he says, walking me slowly toward the stairs.

The next day is Sunday and Meave spends the day with me. We watch television and play cards. She makes us sloppy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch and it's the best thing I've ever eaten. The antibiotics are already working their magic but I'm still so tired. I doze sometimes, but I'm glad she's here when I wake up.

Edward and Seth bring pizza over for dinner and we all eat together. I see how comfortable Maeve is with them and I feel gratitude mixed with sadness. I'm so, so thankful they've been there for her, but I'm sad this quaint family setting doesn't include Maeve's father, and never will again. But there's an ease and attentiveness to Edward and the way he gives Maeve her pizza and helps her fold it that's so different from the father Jasper was. I don't know if it's worse or better, just different.

Maeve spends Sunday night at home with me and I wake on Monday to get her ready for school. I won't be going back to work for the rest of the week and I thank my lucky stars I have an understanding boss and some banked sick time. I should have used it when I first got sick but I didn't want to fall behind. I won't make that mistake again

Maeve is finishing up her breakfast when there's a knock on our front door.

It's Maggie and Seth.

"Edward asked me to come by and see if you needed me to drive your daughter to school," she says, smiling tightly at me. The bubbly, effusive woman from last week is gone, replaced by someone who clearly isn't happy about lending me a hand. Still, she's willing to do it and I'm not sure I'm up to leaving the house quite yet.

"Thanks, that would be great." I hold the door open so they can come in. I grab Maeve's coat and backpack as she takes her last bite of toast and then I see them out. "Thanks, Maggie. I really appreciate this."

"No problem," she says, her smile a little more genuine. "Do you want me to drive her home too?"

"If you wouldn't mind," I say gratefully. "I think I should be okay to do it myself by tomorrow."

As she takes Seth's hand I notice she's wearing a wedding band and I'm more confused than ever. I shake it off and go back to bed, already exhausted.

I rest until noon and then do something I should have done a long time ago.

I call Rose.

* * *

><p>The story takes place in Brookline, Massachusetts. Please, don't ask why. I have no good answer except that it felt right :)<p>

Thank you for reading, and a special shout out to those who review. It's lovely to read your thoughts about the story. I especially enjoyed the half DMM/half witfit reviews some of you left for the last chapter :)


	9. Dread

**Not betad. Also, I wrote this while pretty tired, so there might be some mistakes. I apologize in advance.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: dread**

* * *

><p>My conversation with Rose is easier than I expect it to be. My dread is replaced by relief when she immediately accepts my apology.<p>

"I understand, Bella," she says. "Well, not really, but I don't want to dwell on it either. I'm just glad you called."

"Me too," I say. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, and my niece. How is she?"

"She's great. Getting big. Doing well in school."

"When can I see her. And you?" I can hear how tentative her voice is, but she's never been one to pull punches.

We make plans for her to come over on Saturday so she can spend time with Mae. I'm nervous, but also hopeful.

I'm stronger as the days go by. Dr. Cullen comes by on Tuesday to check on me and approves of my progress. I'm taking my mediation and resting and making every effort to get better.

On Wednesday Maeve asks if she can go play with Seth after school. She promises she doesn't have a lot of homework and she can finish it after dinner, so I let her go.

"Seth's mommy asked me to stay for dinner," she says once she's back home and settled in front of a plate of pasta. "They were having stew with meat." She wrinkles her nose and takes a bite of her spaghetti. She's not a big meat eater.

"You didn't turn your nose up, did you?"

"No, Mommy. I said, 'No thank you.'"

"Good job," I say.

"Seth's daddy likes stew. That's what Seth told me. His mommy makes things his daddy likes."

I feel a little stab in my gut when she says that. I don't know why, but it makes me feel unsettled.

"Maybe we should invite Seth and his mommy and daddy for dinner," I offer.

Maeve shakes her head. "His mommy doesn't always stay for dinner. His daddy doesn't even want her to make dinner for them but she does anyway." Her tone is so matter-of-fact, as if it's the most normal thing in the world. I find it completely bizarre, and the truth is I'm really curious to know more. But I don't want to turn my kid into a gossip so I don't question her further and she soon changes the topic to her homework.

Still, I want to invite Seth and his parents for dinner to thank them for all they've done for me. After dinner I look up the name Edward Cullen online to try to find a phone number, but nothing comes up under the business or white pages. I look for Maggie Cullen but come up empty again. It's puzzling.

"Hey, Mae?" She sitting across from me at the dining room table scribbling away on her homework. "Do you know Seth's last name?"

"It's Masen," she says, not looking up from her book.

I blink at her a few times and then turn back to my computer. Some of the puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place.

I locate Edward's office number and save it to my cell phone.

When I call the next day his assistant seems reluctant to put me through. But when I finally get him he sounds genuinely pleased to hear from me and I flush a little when he says my name.

After we exchange pleasantries and I assure him I'm feeling better, I tell him the reason for my call.

"I thought maybe you and Maggie and Seth would like to come over for dinner tomorrow night. It's not much, but I want to thank you all for everything you've done for us."

He's silent for so long I think we may have lost our connection. "Edward?"

"I'm here," he says.

"I'm sorry," I say, suddenly embarrassed. Maybe he doesn't want to be friends after all and was just being charitable. "Forget I asked. I just thou–"

"Things with Maggie are..." He sighs and I can almost picture him running a hand through his hair. "We don't go out together socially."

"Oh, okay," I say, not sure how to proceed. I feel like I've committed some sort of faux pas and I'm not sure how to fix it. They've both been kind to me but it looks like I'll have to thank them separately. I'll send her flowers or bake some cookies, I decide.

"Seth and I would love to come over for dinner, though, if the invite is still open." He sounds nervous and that makes my stomach feels a little funny.

"Of course," I assure him. "I'll probably order in since I'm not running on full steam yet. How's Chinese?"

"That sounds great." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Okay," I say, feeling kind of excited that he's accepted. "How's six o'clock?"

"Perfect," he says. "Looking forward to it."

We hang up and I feel rather silly that I'm smiling so widely.

The rest of the week passes quietly and quickly. On Friday I wake up feeling better than I have since I caught Maeve's cold. I spend the day straightening the house and catching up on laundry, but I rest in-between so as not to overdo it.

Maeve is cleaning her room and I stand in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear. After putting on and then discarding a few outfits I become frustrated. They're just neighbors and have seen me in much worse shape, Edward especially, so what I wear shouldn't matter. I don't know why I'm stressing over it. I decide on a pair of pants and a simple sweater. It's still early in the spring and the weather hasn't really warmed up yet.

Edward and Seth show up promptly at six and Maeve and Seth head up to her room to play before dinner.

"You should have someone look at that leak in your foyer," Edward says as we walk into the kitchen.

I run a hand across my forehead. I'd forgotten all about it. "I will," I promise.

Edward accepts my offer of a beer and I grab an iced tea for myself – I'm not quite up for alcohol consumption yet. We sit on the couch to wait for the food to arrive.

"How was your week?" he asks, taking a sip from his beer bottle.

"Good. I'm starting to get bored, which is a good sign. I think I'll be ready to go back to work on Monday."

"You look much better," he says with a smile.

I flush as he looks at me and take a sip of my iced tea. I think he's just being nice but I'm not used to being complimented by a man. "Thanks," I say.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he says. But he's smiling and I'm not sure he's sorry at all.

"That's okay. You've just done so much for me. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

"I didn't do anything for you so I would get something in return."

He seems a little offended so I shake my head quickly. "I didn't mean to imply you did. It's jut you and your father... even Maggie. I wouldn't have gotten through this without you."

"Sure you would have."

"I don't know about that."

He looks at me for a long minute and he looks like he's debating something, so I wait him out. "You know Carlisle isn't my biological father?" He asks the question, but I think he already knows the answer.

"I figured. You look nothing alike and you have a different last name. I just assumed..."

He nods and smiles. "It's all right. It's nothing I try to hide. The thing is, I have some ex–"

He's cut off by a blood-curdling scream coming from Mae's room.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

Hopefully I can knock one of these out tomorrow and that'll be it until Monday. Probably.


	10. Hem

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Word Prompt: hem**

* * *

><p>Edward and I race up the stairs and I'm first into Maeve's room. She's standing there with tears running down her little cheeks and a cracked seashell in her hand. I immediately know what's wrong and I scoop her up and hold her close to me.<p>

"It's all right," I whisper in her ear.

"It's broken!" she cries, wrapping her arms and legs around me.

"I know, baby girl. It's okay." I rub her back and say all the right words, but this is one of those times when comforting is difficult. For as much as I'd like to say "it's just a shell," it's not. And I can't assure her that she and her father can go to the beach to find a replacement either.

I look over Maeve's shoulder and if it's possible, Seth is even more upset than Maeve. "I didn't mean it," he says to Edward, who's holding him like I'm holding Maeve.

"I know," Edward says. "It'll be all right."

So we stand there and comfort our children until they stop crying. I lower Maeve to the floor and ask to look at the shell. It's broken in two, but the break looks clean. "I think we can fix this," I say, kneeling in front of her. "A little glue and it'll be good as new."

"It won't be the same," she whines.

"No, it won't," I tell her honestly, "but you have others and you'll barely notice it's ever been broken, I promise."

She nods her head and wipes her nose on the hem of her shirt. Seth comes over to where I'm kneeling next to Maeve, his face as red and splotchy as hers. "I'm sorry," he whispers to Maeve.

"It's okay," she replies. "But I told you last time, so please don't touch them anymore."

"I won't."

"Okay, buddy," Edward says from behind me. "Maybe we should go."

I stand and turn to face him. "I don't think that's necessary. The food will be here soon and they seem okay now." I don't want them to go; I've really been looking forward to tonight.

"If you think so," Edward says, running a hand across the back of his head. "I'm really sorry about this."

"It's all right," I say, though I know it's not. Not really. This breakdown over a seashell, while understandable, seems extreme. This isn't like her at all; she's usually such an even tempered child. I may have more work ahead of me than I anticipated, but turning away from the problem isn't something I can do anymore. Right now, though, I'm just glad she's calm and seems to have accepted my offer to try to fix the shell.

We all make our way downstairs just in time to hear the doorbell. I grab my wallet and go to the door where I pay for our food. We work quickly and quietly to set the table and dole out the food, and by the time we start eating, it seems as if everyone has calmed down. Children amaze me. They're so much more adaptable than adults.

Seth and Maeve chat about school and then debate which movie to watch after dinner while Edward and I listen attentively and throw in the odd comment. When Seth gives Maeve the last spring roll instead of taking it for himself, Edward's face takes on a look of pride and he reaches over and kisses Seth on his forehead. There's something so sweet and gentle about their relationship and I'm hard pressed to think of a man I know who has this kind of relationship with his children. Jasper included.

After dinner Maeve and Seth head to the living room to watch _Despicable Me_– the mutually agreed upon choice – while Edward and I pack up the leftovers and clear the table.

We move efficiently around the kitchen together, and as I rinse off the plates and hand them to him so he can put them in the dishwasher, I realize how nice it is to share simple, everyday chores with someone again.

I make us coffee and while it's brewing, I bring the kids cupcakes to eat while watching the movie.

When I come back to the kitchen Edward is pouring our coffee. "How do you take it?" he asks.

"Just cream," I say, taking the carton out of the refrigerator and putting it on the table.

"I'm sorry about Seth. He's a curious kid and he doesn't always have the best impulse control," Edward says as we sit down with our coffees.

I shake my head and take a sip from my mug. "She collected those shells with her father right before he died. I'm not even allowed to touch them. She doesn't usually react like that when something of hers breaks."

"Still, he should know better," he insists.

"Perhaps, but she shouldn't have had a meltdown like that."

"It's understandable," he says, looking at me for a brief moment before continuing, his voice suddenly unsteady. "If I had anything left of my father and someone broke it, I might react the same way. And I'm a grown man."

I regard him silently and wait for him to continue, which he eventually does.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry. I know this is a weird place to stop but these are supposed to be short chapters and this one kind of got away from me. The good news is that means the next update will likely be tomorrow instead on Monday.<strong>

Thank you for reading and reviewing.


	11. Stake

**I'm posting this away from home and with a spotty Internet connection. Crossing my fingers that everything goes smoothly.  
><strong>

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Word Prompt: Stake**

* * *

><p>"My father died in a car accident right before my ninth birthday," Edward says. "My parents and I had a good life before that – at least in my eight year old mind. I'm sure there were problems, but I was a happy kid and my parents never fought in front of me."<p>

He pauses and takes a sip of his coffee. He doesn't look upset, but his voice is soft and I think this is hard for him to talk about.

"After my father died," he continues, "my mother slowly deteriorated. It wasn't so bad at first – she would cry and sleep a lot, but she still took care of me. I didn't know it at the time, but she was a functioning alcoholic. I wasn't sure what all the empty bottles in her bedroom meant at first, I just knew whatever she was drinking made her angry and tired."

He runs a hand across his face and I want to reach out and comfort him somehow, but I don't know how or even if I should.

"You don't have to tell me anymore," I say.

"It's okay." He gives me a half smile and continues. "I tried to convince her to stop drinking, but I was nine years old and I didn't have the skills to help her. Eventually it got so bad that I was basically taking care of myself and the house so my mother could drink herself into forgetting. I know the bills weren't getting paid, but I did figure out how to use an ATM card and asked my mother for her PIN number one day when she was drunk, so I was able to buy food. There was always money in the account, which I now know was the payment from my father's life insurance policy. I taught myself how to do laundry, how to use the stove to cook meals, and most importantly, how to hide what was going on from any adults. This went on for about a year until my Aunt Esme came for a visit. She's my mother's sister. I'd only met her a handful of times since she lived so far away, but they'd been close before. My mom wasn't returning any phone calls so Esme got worried and flew out to see what was wrong."

"Esme... that name sounds familiar," I say, trying to remember where I heard it.

"Maybe Maeve mentioned her. When I said my mother was watching the kids, that was who I meant."

"Oh, yes. Of course. Mae raved about those chocolate chip pancakes for days." I smile a little at the memory of her practically begging for me to make them. I'm planning on surprising her with a stack for breakfast tomorrow.

He smiles faintly at me and takes a sip of his coffee. When he speaks again his smile is gone and he has a faraway look in his eyes. "Esme saw what was going on and took me out of the house immediately. Carlisle flew out and we stayed in a hotel while they tried to get my mother some help. She refused time and time again so Carlisle and Esme petitioned for custody. My mother wasn't physically abusive, but she didn't even bother showing up to court, even with custody of me at stake, so I was given to my aunt and uncle. Even then, part of me didn't want to go. I thought it was my responsibility to take care of my mother and I was carrying around some guilt about not hiding our problems better."

"Oh, Edward," I say, reaching across the table and taking his hand. "You were just a boy."

"I realize that now," he says, squeezing my hand. "But back then it was difficult. Carlisle and Esme put up with a lot from me. I was angry and rebellious and I don't know what would have happened to me without them. Nothing good, that's for sure."

"'What happened to your biological mother?"

He sighs and releases my hand. "I don't know. Esme tried for years to get her help, but even after losing me she still refused. I eventually lost track of her." He shrugs but there's a deep sadness in his eyes that I doubt he could hide even if he tried. "Carlisle and Esme are my parents. They took care of me and loved me as their own."

That he seems as confident and happy as he does is something of a miracle. I shiver when I think about a young boy left to fend for himself, then being rescued by good people. He could have turned out completely differently. And I wouldn't be sitting here with him right now.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Don't be," he says. "I was very fortunate. And so is Mae. She told me about her father that first day she came over to the house. I made some offhand remark about her parents and she told me it was just you and her. I couldn't believe how well she was doing and how incredibly well-adjusted she seemed."

I sigh and look down into my almost empty coffee cup. "I think there are degrees to these things. I haven't overtly neglected her, but I haven't been the best mother for the past eight months or so."

"But at least you realize it," he says with conviction. "My mother solved her problems by finding the bottom of a vodka bottle." This last is said with a hint of bitterness in his voice that I'm not even sure he meant to slip in. No matter how many years pass, knowing his own mother didn't want him must still cut deeply. Despite how far we come, our pasts define us in ways I don't think we can ever fully appreciate.

"I need help," I say softly.

* * *

><p><strong>So, that's one mystery solved.<strong>

**Thanks for reading and for your lovely reviews.**

**I should update again on Monday.**


	12. Grief

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: grief – Yeah, I know. That was a gift, especially for this chapter. Pure coincidence, I swear.**

* * *

><p>Edward and I talk late into the night, long after the children have fallen asleep in front of the movie.<p>

We talk about the therapy Edward received as a child and how, with the added stability of a home and loving parents, it helped heal him. It didn't happen overnight, but he's convinced one wouldn't have worked without the other.

I tell him about Rose and how I'm trying to build a support system for me and for Maeve. He's encouraging without being condescending and I'm once again left to marvel at his strength and demeanor.

I'm so grateful to him and when he stands up to leave, I do something very unlike me: I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. I did this once before, when I cried in his arms last week, and I don't know what it is about him that makes me want human contact and affection. It's a little disconcerting, but I like it too much to care. Besides, he doesn't seem to mind.

"Thank you. For everything," I whisper.

He hugs me back tightly and it feels really nice. Safe. "Any time, Bella. And I mean that," he says softly. I believe him.

Seth puts his head on Edward's shoulder as he picks him up to leave, and I have this funny feeling in my stomach as I watch them together. I think maybe it's because I know Edward's story now, and how very much he must treasure his child.

"I hope tomorrow goes well," Edward says at the door.

"I'm sure it will," I assure him, and myself.

He nods and absentmindedly kisses Seth on the top of his head. "You'll let me know if I can do anything?"

"I promise," I say. And I mean it. He's been such a good friend already.

"I know you're busy tomorrow, but let us know if you want to do something this weekend. If it's warm out we may go to the park on Sunday."

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll let you know." I'd like to go, especially for Maeve, but I'm starting to feel worn down. I'm still not fully over my pneumonia and it's been an emotional few weeks.

"I'm sorry. You're still not feeling well, I shouldn't be asking you to come to the park with us." I must be more of an open book than I think. There's no other way to explain his accurate reading of what are internal musings.

"It's fine. I _am_ a little tired though, and I don't want to overdo it."

"Maybe we'll take Mae off your hands for a while on Sunday. Just let me know if you need a break. I don't mind having her along."

I thank him and after he leaves, carry Maeve up to her room and put her to bed. I don't sleep for a long time that night, my mind full of Edward and my impending meeting with Rose tomorrow.

I make Mae chocolate chip pancakes on Saturday morning; she deems them acceptable, though not as good as Esme's. I have to meet this woman, to thank her for looking after Mae, of course, but I also need get her recipe.

I nervously roam and pace around the house as we wait for Rose. I've already made lunch and straightened the house while Maeve gets a head start on her homework.

When the doorbell rings at just after twelve o'clock, my heart leaps in my chest and I walk slowly over to the door. I take a deep breath and open it.

The next thing I know I'm enveloped in a tight hug and I'm crying.

"Don't you ever do that again," Rose says. I can tell she's crying too.

"I'm so sorry."

"Me too," she says. I pull away and look at her, waiting for an explanation. "I didn't fight hard enough." She shrugs and looks into the house from the foyer. Our conversation can wait.

I lead her inside where we find Maeve sitting in front of the television, having finished her homework. She looks up and smiles, but it's tentative.

Her eyes flick over to me and then back to Rose. "You remember Aunt Rose, don't you, sweetie?"

She nods and Rose walks over to her, kneeling in front of the couch. "How are you, Maeve?" she asks, resting a hand on Maeve's knee.

"Good," she says. "You're my daddy's sister."

Rose smiles and pats her knee. "Yes, I am. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but I'll try to do better from now on."

Leave it to Rose to take the blame on herself. "That's okay," Maeve says, though I'm not sure she knows exactly what's going on. "Would you like to watch_ Iron Chef_ with me?"

Rose looks over her shoulder at me and smiles. I shrug; my daughter has an affinity for cooking shows.

"You watch with her, I'm going to finish up lunch," I say.

She nods and sits close to Maeve on the couch. "Now what is this?" she asks Maeve.

Maeve launches into an excited explanation of the workings of _Iron Chef _while I go and put out lunch.

While we eat, Rose asks Maeve about school and her friends and what she likes to play and read and watch on television. I watch as Maeve quickly opens up to her, and after a few minutes, it's as if they've never been apart at all.

Rose and I sit at the table and drink our coffee after Maeve has been excused. "This wasn't your fault," I say without preamble. "You tried."

She shrugs and sips her coffee. "Maybe. But I did eventually stop calling. He was my brother, but you'd just lost your husband. They don't compare."

"Let's not do this, okay?" I practically plead. I don't want to get into right and wrong and who lost more when Jasper died. I don't think there's a right answer to any of it.

"Okay," she says, nodding her head and looking at me a bit skeptically.

"How's Royce?" I ask, not so subtly changing the subject.

"I don't know," she says. "We broke up right after Jasper died."

I lower my coffee mug mid-sip and stare at her. She and Royce were together for as long as I'd known her, so I'm shocked, to say the least.

She shrugs and looks me square in the eye. "He thought I should 'get over' Jasper's death. As if it were no more important than a broken fingernail. The funny thing is, before Jasper died, I probably would have put up with that and just shrugged it off. But life is too short to live it with someone like that."

I'm so impressed with her resolve and her strength, and more than ever I regret my decision to cut her out of our lives. I wonder if I would have ever been that strong with Jasper had he not died, or if I would have just let my life go on, taking the easy way out.

"Are you seeing anyone else?" I ask.

"No. I was with Royce for so long... I'm just playing the field. I haven't met anyone worth going out on more than a handful of dates with." She eyes me for a moment before speaking again. "What about you?"

"What about me what?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"Are you dating anyone?"

My eyes go wide and I about choke on my coffee. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm not," she insists. "It's been almost a year now."

"It's been eight months. Almost nine," I correct.

"Don't be so technical," she says. "Lord knows I loved my brother, but if grief counseling taught me anything, it's that life doesn't stop for those of us left behind."

Her statement shocks me, but not because she's telling me to go out and find a boyfriend. "You went to grief counseling?" I ask.

"Of course I did. Didn't you and Maeve?"

I shake my head and look down, ashamed. "We were in a support group while he was still alive, but after that..." I trail off, not wanting to articulate my failures.

Rose reaches across the table and grabs my hand. "It's not too late. How have you been holding up?"

I shake my head and wipe a tear from my cheek. Then I tell her about the last eight months.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading, especially to those of you who take the time to review. Particularly with a story like this, with almost daily posting, it's nice to know you're out there reading.<strong>

**Speaking of reviews, I've been remiss in responding the last couple of chapters. RL has been busy. I'll try to do better moving forward. Thanks for your patience.**


	13. Pattern

**Thanks to my twitter buddies for research help today.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: pattern**

* * *

><p>After Rose leaves on Saturday, with promises from both of us that we'll see each other soon, I take it easy for the rest of the day. Edward calls after breakfast on Sunday asking if he can take Maeve to the park. I'm exhausted and have to go to work the next day, so I readily accept. I rest for the remainder of the morning and afternoon, and then Edward brings the children back – with dinner. Bless him. He always seems to know the exact right thing to do. He's a good friend.<p>

Edward asks me if I want Maggie to take Mae to and from school this week, but I decide against it. There's a pattern to our lives and it'll be nice to be back in a routine.

It's a difficult start to the week – I don't have a good deal of energy and I have a lot on my mind. Edward calls me on Monday night to make sure we're faring okay, and he brings dinner over on Wednesday. We talk about counseling again and he gives me the business card of a family therapist.

"I hope I'm not being presumptuous," he says as he hands me the card. "We use her, but if that makes you uncomfortable, I'm sure she can recommend someone."

"You use her?" I ask, because for some reason I'm surprised he's still in therapy.

"We go mostly for Seth," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "I can't deny it helps me too, though."

I nod and work the corner of the card with my index finger. I briefly think about Edward in therapy with his family, but my mind is focused on Maeve. I've been putting off thinking about it, but I have the card in my hand and I'm out of excuses. For as much as Meave is calm and happy on the outside, she'll have incidents like the one over the shell that make me think she's keeping too much bottled up. Plus, she's been having nightmares on and off ever since I got sick. I know this is partly my fault, but I don't know how to get out of the situation I helped to create.

I look at the name printed on the card: _Kate Morris, Psy.D._

I nod and put the card down. "I'll give her a call. Thanks." I let out a long breath. Having a name on a card makes it real. And scary as hell.

Edward reaches across the table and takes my hands in both of his. I love how rough his skin feels against mine. There's something so masculine about it. "You can do this," he says. "The first step is sometimes the hardest."

Childishly, I want to ask him to make the appointment for me. But I probably already lean on him a little more than I should – it's just nice after the last few months of feeling so alone. Still, I'm Maeve's mother and I need to do this for her.

I look down at my hands, clasped in Edward's, and nod my head.

I can do this.

The card sits there for the rest of the week. I convince myself I'm not avoiding, just busy and still recovering from pneumonia.

We don't see Edward and Seth for the rest of the week and I find myself craving Edward's company. We see Maggie and Seth outside school on Friday and I ask Maggie if Seth wants to come over and play since it's not a school night.

"We won't be around this weekend," she says, smiling at me. "Family obligation. You understand."

"Of course," I say, smiling back at her. "Have a nice weekend."

I somehow manage to make it to the car before I start crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. The denial of a playmate for my daughter shouldn't make me this upset.

"What's wrong, Mommy?" Maeve asks me from the back seat.

I wipe my tears and put on my best fake smile. "Nothing, baby. Mommy's fine."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm just not feeling well," I say automatically. "I'll be fine."

She doesn't look convinced, but gazes out the window and doesn't question me further.

I call Rose when we get home, needing to hear a friendly voice.

"What's wrong?" she asks immediately. "You don't sound good."

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "I just feel... overwhelmed."

"Come over," she says. "I have this whole house to myself. You and Maeve can spend the weekend. We have more catching up to do, anyway."

"Oh, um..." I'm taken aback by her offer and don't know how to respond.

"Please, Bella." The pleading tone in her voice surprises me, so I say yes. I confirm the address with her and then go to pack our things. If I remember correctly, this is the same house she used to share with Royce; it's large and has a great backyard with a pool. It's not warm enough for swimming, but I think I recall a swing set and sand box. "Ready-made for a family," Royce said when they bought it. I guess she got the house in the break-up.

I pack us a small suitcase while Maeve watches television. I think about how this will be good for both of us, and for Rose. We need this time to get to know each other again, and it'll be nice to have some help with Maeve for the weekend. It'll be like a mini-vacation and hopefully we'll come back refreshed.

As we're pulling out of our driveway, I see Edward pulling into his.

I ignore the pounding of my heart and put the windshield wipers on.

It's starting to rain.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews.<strong>


	14. Chewy

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: chewy**

* * *

><p>It takes longer than it should, but we make it across town and to Rose's through a torrential downpour.<p>

"I'm so glad you're here," she greets as we walk in the house and shake off the excess water.

"Me too," I say. And I mean it. I look around and realize it's good to be back here with my friend. The house is pretty much as I remember it, except all traces of Royce–softball trophies, baseball caps on the hooks by the door, neon beer signs–seem to be gone.

Rose shows us to our rooms, which are right next to each other and share a bathroom in-between. It's a nice setup and something I might have wanted had Jasper and I had more children.

We settle in and Maeve tells me she's hungry, so we go downstairs to find Rose.

"I didn't have time to shop," she says nervously after Maeve asks for a snack.

"It's okay," I say, spying some fruit on the counter. If there's one thing Mae loves, it's fruit. "How about one of these apples?"

Maeve smiles and nods, and Rose grabs an apple, washing it in the sink before handing it to her.

"Thank you," she says, then looks over at me. "Can I go watch TV?"

"For a little while," I say, resting my hand gently on her head. "We're here to spend time with Aunt Rose."

"Yes, Mommy." She's already walking away from me.

"Let's sit," Rose says, leading me over to the kitchen table. It's in a cute little breakfast nook. I've always wanted a breakfast nook.

"What happened today?" she asks. "Not that I'm not glad you called."

"It's..." I shake my head and close my eyes briefly. "It's been a long week. I'm still not feeling well, I'm tired, and... I don't know." I put my head in my hand and I feel like crying.

"Hey, what is it?"

"Nothing. Just some days are overwhelming and I feel alone and..." I huff out a breath. "I'm really glad we're here. Thank you for inviting us."

"I'm glad you're here too," she says. "You look tired. You can rest up if you want to. We can talk more later."

"You don't mind?" I look at my watch and it's only just past six o'clock, but I'm so tired. "Mae will need to eat something soon."

"I don't mind at all," she says with a smile. "I'll order pizza and I can catch up with my niece."

After checking with Mae, who assures me she'll be fine, I retire upstairs to my room.

I crawl into bed and much to my surprise, it isn't Jasper who I think about before I fall asleep.

I wake up to Maeve's voice calling out for me. It takes me a moment to orient myself, but once I do I tear through the bathroom to get to her.

She's still sleeping and in the throes of a nightmare. I gently wake her up and wait for her to get her bearings. When she does she sobs and buries her head in my chest. I place her in my lap and soothe her the best I can.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I ask, wiping sweaty strands of hair from her face.

She doesn't answer me so I guess this is one of the times she doesn't want to tell me what it was about. This happens more often than not.

"Where will I go if you die?" she finally asks.

I take a deep breath and stroke her hair, contemplating my answer. I can't take the easy way out and say I'm not going to die. That's not an option in this family.

"Here with Aunt Rose, I suppose. Or maybe with Grandma and Grandpa in Washington."

She nods and sniffs but doesn't say anything else.

She eventually starts to feel heavy in my lap so I lay her back down on the bed. I lean over to kiss her on the cheek and her little arms come around my neck. "I don't want you to die," she says.

Tears prick my eyes as I lean down and hold her close. "I'll do my best, baby girl. I promise."

She's asleep before I leave her room, but I'm awake for a long time.

I go to her room when I wake up in the morning but she's not there. I glance at the clock and see that it's well past ten o'clock.

I go downstairs and find a note from Rose on the kitchen table, letting me know she's taken Mae out shopping. I go back upstairs and clean up, and when I come back down they're unloading groceries in the kitchen.

"Hi, Mama," Mae greets, waving a box of chewy granola bars at me and running over to give me a hug.

I kneel and let her come to me, holding her close and kissing the top of her head. "Did you have fun with Aunt Rose?" I ask.

"Yes. She let me pick anything I wanted. We have so many treats!"

I look over at Rose, who shrugs at me. "I'm allowed to spoil her," she says.

"Yes, you are," I agree, jumping in to help.

It's still raining so we spend the day inside watching movies, playing cards, eating snacks, and relaxing. Maeve giggles and smiles and seeing her this happy makes _me_happy. It's the best day I've had in months.

But that night her nightmares are worse than the night before. She wakes up screaming and calling for me and I realize that no matter how many "good days" we have, there's something deep inside her that needs fixing. I resolve to call the number Edward gave me first thing Monday morning.

Maeve seems unaffected by her nightmares at breakfast the next morning, but Rose asks me about it when Maeve goes to watch television.

"I heard her screaming last night. I was so scared I ran to her room, but you were already there."

"Last night was bad," I say, resting my elbow on the table next to my plate and rubbing my forehead. "I thought her nightmares were getting better but they only seem to be getting worse, especially since I got sick."

"I don't mean to pry, but do you think she needs to talk to someone?" She looks nervous asking, but she's completely right.

"She does. I know she does," I affirm. "Edward gave me a phone number for a family therapist. I just have to actually make the call."

"Edward?" she asks.

"Oh, right," I say, shaking my head. "You don't know him. He's my neighbor. Maeve is friendly with his son. Seth's a good kid."

"A neighbor?" she asks. I nod my head and her eyebrow arches. "A neighbor who you've never mentioned, who's giving you the names of therapists?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh. Is your _neighbor _married?" Her tone of voice is skeptical and I immediately understand what she's getting at.

"Seth's mother lives with them. I think. It seems complicated but I haven't really asked." I shrug. "He's been a good friend to me."

She gives me a look but I'm not taking the bait. "I'm going to get our stuff together," I say, glancing at the clock. "She has homework and I'm sure there's no clean underwear to be found anywhere in my house."

"Fine," she says, a small smirk on her face. "Go home to your neighbor."

I roll my eyes and go upstairs to pack.

We stay through lunch and then head home. It hasn't stopped raining all weekend and I'm really glad if we had to be holed up in the house, it was with Rose.

Except when I pull into my driveway, my heart jumps into my throat and I realize we never should have left at all.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading. Sorry I didn't get to respond to reviews from the last chapter. I had to go to the DMV today. Enough said.<strong>

See you tomorrow.


	15. Sofa

**Not betad, though the lovely arfalcon did help me with a part I was stuck on – she told me it was fine and I wasn't actually stuck at all. She's aces.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: sofa  
><strong>

* * *

><p>I almost can't believe what I'm seeing.<p>

It looks as if the front porch of my house has been bashed in with a boulder, and there's a blue tarp flapping in the wind, partially covering the roof. I sit in the car and stare, hoping this will somehow change what I'm seeing.

But it doesn't.

It's obvious the leak in the roof has finally given way. What's not immediately apparent is who put the tarp on, or when this happened.

"Mommy? Are we getting out of the car?"

"Yeah," I say warily. I'll have to deal with this eventually, and all delaying has gotten me so far is a hole in my roof.

We get out of the car and stand there in the drizzling rain, looking up at the roof.

"What happened to our house?" Mae asks.

I sigh and put my arm around her. "Mommy should have called a roofer is what happened, baby."

"Can we still live here?" she asks, her big blue eyes looking up at me.

"Sure we can," I assure her with a smile. "We may just have to wear bathing suits to bed for a while."

This makes her giggle, which eases me just a little.

"Bella?"

I turn and Edward is walking toward us from his house; I guess he's back from his 'family obligation.'

"Hey, Edward," I greet. He looks... concerned and a little sad. I hope nothing bad happened over the weekend. Nothing as bad as a roof collapse, anyway.

"I hope what I did is okay. I didn't have your cell number so I couldn't call you and I didn't know where you were."

"What did you do?" I ask. I'm thoroughly confused.

He motions toward the roof. "I put the tarp up. I noticed it on Saturday and the rain didn't show any signs of stopping."

Now I'm really confused. "You... I thought..." I shake my head. It's not important now. "Thank you."

"It's no problem. Do you want me to come inside with you?"

"Yes, please," I say, grabbing Mae's hand. Having him next to me as I walk into an unknown situation is more comforting than I ever could have imagined.

I unlock the front door and walk into the house. The front porch is an absolute disaster – there's roofing material and water all over the floor and furniture, the coat rack is on its side, and there's a huge hole in the ceiling.

"What a mess!" Mae exclaims.

"You can say that again," I mumble. Edward picks up the coat rack and then surveys the ceiling in the foyer, his hands on his hips. He looks professional and then I remember he's an architect so he actually knows what he's looking at. All I see is a mess on my floor and the sky through a big hole in my ceiling.

"Let's check inside," Edward says, opening the door and leading the way into the living room.

Maeve and I follow, stepping carefully over the debris and into the house. I see Edward looking up at the ceiling and follow his line of sight. Thankfully, there's no damage in here, but there is a bulge in the ceiling where it meets the foyer.

"That's not good," Edward says. "I should look upstairs too."

"I should have called a roofer weeks ago," I lament. "It's my own damn fault."

"Mommy, you said a bad word," Mae says from where she's perched on the sofa.

"Sorry, baby," I say automatically.

"I had a friend come and look at it on Saturday," Edward says, running a hand across the back of his neck. "He's the best roofer in the business. But we couldn't get inside."

"You did?" This is the second time he's mentioned being around on Saturday, and I feel like kind of an idiot for jumping to conclusions when I had so little information. I feel so stupid and I don't know why I care so much.

"It's okay. He owes me a few favors, and he's a friend." Edward smiles at me and my stomach does a weird flippy thing.

"What should I do?" I ask. I know I sound weak but I can't seem to help it. Everything seems to be piling on at once and I don't feel like I can handle it all alone.

His smile falters and his face softens. "It's going to be fine," he says, putting a hand on my shoulder and meeting my eyes. "I'm going to call my friend and have him come back and look inside."

"But it's Sunday. And I don't know how much it's going to cost. Maybe I should wait until–"

"Bella," Edward interrupts, putting his other hand on my opposite shoulder and looking down at me. "I told you, he owes me. He'll give you a fair estimate and do good work. I wouldn't have him in your home otherwise."

"Why are you doing this for me?" I ask softly, tears welling in my eyes.

He looks away for a split second before meeting my gaze again. "Just let me help you with this, please," he pleads.

I look into his kind green eyes and a tear slips down my cheek. He wipes it gently with the pads of his fingers and I lean closer to him, wanting just a little more of his warmth and comfort. His faces flushes slightly as he continues to stroke my cheek and something in the air is changing. I can feel it. His eyes take on an intensity I've never seen before and I'm suddenly terrified.

"Mama!" Maeve yells, startling me so much that I jump. Edward steps back and rubs a hand across his mouth, looking as uncomfortable as I feel.

"Yes, baby, what is it? I ask, turning to my daughter.

"I asked you three times if I could have Goldfish," she says somewhat indignantly.

"Of course you can," I say. "Go grab the bag and a bowl. I'll be right there."

She walks into the kitchen and I turn to Edward, who looks almost afraid. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean–"

"You have nothing to apologize for," I interrupt. "I appreciate your help with the roof." I know that's not what he's talking about, but I'm not ready to deal with what just happened.

He nods, as if understanding my wishes without me having to verbalize them. "No problem," he says. His smile seems tight and I don't like it. I want the soft, gentle face and easy smile I'm used to seeing. I feel so confused and I don't need this in addition to everything else that's going on.

"I'm going to call my friend," he says, pulling his cell from the back pocket of his worn jeans.

I nod and smile and go to the kitchen to pour Maeve a bowl of Goldfish.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

**I'm away for the weekend starting tomorrow so I won't post again until at least Monday. Thanks for your patience.**


	16. Pass

**Sorry to readers not in the know. Goldfish are small, usually cheese-flavored crackers shaped like little fish. Try some if you have a chance, they're delicious.**

**Also, in case I haven't said it recently, I have the best readers. Thank you all for your support.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: pass**

* * *

><p>Edward makes his phone call while I pour Maeve her Goldfish. My hand is shaking and it's a miracle I don't spill the crackers or the milk she asks me for. Once I have her settled in watching <em>Max and Ruby<em> with her snack, I think about finding Edward, but I'm afraid.

That moment we shared was a little overwhelming and I'm not ready to face it yet. The mere thought of it panics me to the point where I can barely breathe and I have to step outside. It's still drizzling lightly but the cool air feels nice.

Once my shaking subsides and my heart slows down, I go in and find Edward on the porch, clearing debris. As if he hasn't done enough already.

I start helping him and he turns when he hears me. "Hey," he says. "My buddy's on his way. He shouldn't be long."

I look at him and smile tentatively, hoping we're back to normal. "Thank you. Again."

"No problem. Here, pass me that," he says, gesturing toward the piece of wood I'm holding. I hand it to him and he adds it to a pile next to him and continues his work.

We clean quietly side by side until he breaks the silence. "How was your weekend?" he asks quietly, his back to me.

"It was good. We were with my sister-in-law." I don't know why I feel the need to explain, I just know I do.

He nods and tosses another piece of wood in the pile. I'm really happy he brought up the subject; I want badly to ask about his weekend, especially considering the wild conclusions I'd jumped to.

"How was yours?" I ask.

He shrugs and turns his head slightly, giving me a sad half-smile. "It was okay. Seth's with his mother so I've been on my own. I was able to catch up on some work, but I'm not used to the house being so quiet."

I nod and turn away, hot tears stinging my eyes. I don't know why Edward being home alone and lonely is so upsetting to me, but it is. I take a deep breath to calm myself before looking back at him. "I know what you mean. Especially now, the house is so empty when Maeve isn't home."

He nods and places a piece of broken glass in the garbage can.

"I'm sorry," I say without thinking.

"What for?" he asks, turning fully to me with his brow furrowed.

"I don't know." I shake my head and sigh softly. "All I ever seem to say to you is 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry.'"

"You are starting to sound like a bit of a broken record," he jokes.

"Yeah, well, stop being so nice to me and we won't have these problems anymore."

He smiles that easy smile I've been missing and a little bit of the weight I've been feeling lifts from my chest.

"I promise I'll try to be a jerk once in a while to keep things interesting."

"I somehow doubt you could ever be a jerk."

"I don't think everyone would agree with you on that." His smile is suddenly gone and though he didn't mention her by name, I'm sure he's talking about Maggie. But I don't know for sure so I want to probe further, but he looks so sad and I don't want to make him talk about anything that so obviously upsets him.

"I couldn't imagine that," I say instead. I turn my back to him and go over to the coat rack and start rifling through, seeing what's salvageable and what isn't. "You've been nothing but kind to me and Maeve."

"Isn't this what friends do for each other?" he asks from behind me.

"Friends?" I whisper. I haven't made a friend in a long, long time. "Is that what we are?"

"I'd like to think so," he responds softly.

I turn around to look at him, his face so open and honest. "I'd like that too," I say.

He takes a step toward me. "Bella, I–"

"Masen!" A voice calls out from the front of my house. I go to the door and see a man walking up my front steps.

"Hey, Emmett," Edward says from behind me. He's close enough that I can feel his breath fan across the top of my head when he speaks. But now his closeness is more comforting than it is frightening and I don't understand why. "Thanks for coming."

"No problem," Emmett says, looking over at me and holding out his hand, which I shake. "You must be Bella. I'm Emmett McCarty from McCarty Roofing."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. McCarty. Thanks for coming out on a weekend. Sorry for the inconvenience."

"It's no trouble at all, and please, it's Emmett," he says, smiling a very genuine smile. I like him immediately. He seems as easy going as Edward, but without that hint of melancholy Edward sometimes has.

Emmett and Edward shake hands and we go into the house. I introduce Emmett to Maeve, who wants to "watch Seth's daddy." So she and I shadow them as they walk around inside and outside the house and talk shop, mentioning things like flashings and sealants and slate.

The gist of it seems to be that most of my front porch needs to be replaced. Also, my living room ceiling will need repair. The good news is that the upstairs and the section of roof that covers the house seems to be in good repair.

"My business is roofing," Emmett tells me as we sit at my kitchen table. We've finished the survey of the house and Maeve is in her room, doing her homework. "But I can get most of this work done for you."

"What are you thinking?" Edward asks before I can say anything.

"All of my crews are tied up right now, but I can come and do a good bit of the work myself. The only thing I'm not qualified to do is the electrical and I can get someone for that. It'll be good to get in there and get my hands dirty again."

"Good," Edward says, nodding. "I can come and give you a hand after work and on weekends."

"You?" Emmett says with a smile. "When was the last time you wielded a tool that wasn't a pencil or a ruler?"

Edward laughs and I like seeing him this carefree. Except they're discussing repairing my home without me and it's a little aggravating.

"Excuse me," I say, "but shouldn't I have some say in this? I'll need an estimate, a time frame, maybe some sort of payment schedule."

"Sorry," Edward says immediately, looking slightly chastened.

"I'll write you up an estimate and email it to you tomorrow," Emmett says, as if it's the easiest thing in the world and nothing to worry about. "It'll be more than fair considering all the free labor you're going to get out of Edward here."

I smile despite myself and wonder again about my good fortune in having Edward for a neighbor.

No, not a neighbor.

A friend.

* * *

><p><strong>I want to name this story and I feel like I should take one of the word prompts. <strong>_**Grief**_** seems obvious, but I'm open to other suggestions.**

****Thanks for reading and for your kind reviews. I'm sorry if I missed answering any questions left in reviews recently. I've been a bit busy. I hope to do better going forward.****


	17. Expand

**Thanks for all of your suggestions on the title, there were some really great ones and I can't thank you all enough for the ideas. I brooded about it for a while and decided I really wanted to use one of the prompts, so I'm going to go with 'Landscape' – suggested by theeyeshaveit. **

**Special thanks to TwiNerdForLife for her help with some of the details in this chapter. Witfit or no, I like getting it right.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: expand**

* * *

><p>I call Dr. Morris' office first thing on Monday morning to make an appointment for Mae. They've had a cancellation and can see us that very afternoon, so I schedule the appointment before I can lose my nerve and back out.<p>

I pick Mae up from school and drive over to the office. I explain of the way that we're going so she can talk to someone, like the group we were in before Daddy died.

"Why?" she asks.

"Do you ever feel like you can't talk about Daddy, even to me?" I ask, looking at her in the rearview mirror.

She shrugs and looks out the window and that's all the answer I need. "Well," I continue, "if you do, now you have someone you can talk to."

"What if I don't have anything to say?"

I briefly meet her wide, frightened eyes in the mirror. "Then you don't have to say anything. I promise."

She nods and looks out the window again.

The waiting room outside the office is very kid-friendly. There are blocks and coloring books, markers and crayons, story books and puzzles. Maeve gravitates toward a puzzle while I fill out the paperwork.

I hand the clipboard back to the receptionist after I finish and she tells me the doctor will see me alone before Maeve goes in. I look around rather warily, not wanting to leave her here alone.

"I'll keep an eye on her, don't worry," the receptionist tells me with a smile. "We do this all the time. She'll be perfectly safe."

I tell Mae I'll be right back and she looks at me closely for a moment before saying, "Okay, Mama," and going back to her puzzle.

"You must be Isabella," Dr. Morris greets me from behind her desk. She stands and shakes my hand before gesturing for me to sit. She doesn't go back behind her desk, but sits next to me instead.

"Please call me Bella. It's nice to meet you, Doctor Morris," I say.

"Kate, please."

I nod and wait, not sure what to say. "What brings you here?" she asks.

I take a deep breath and plow ahead. "My husband died almost a year ago," I begin. "My daughter is having nightmares and emotional outbursts and I'm not sure what to do anymore."

She nods and makes a notation on the pad in her lap. "Has she had any previous counseling?"

"Only the support group for families of terminal cancer patients we went to while he was still alive."

She nods again and scribbles on her paper. "And she wasn't prone to this behavior before your husband died?"

"No, not at all," I say shaking my head.

"Do you talk about her father with her? Show her pictures or reminisce?"

"No," I say rather guiltily. I know I should be doing a better job of keeping his memory alive. It's just so painful.

More nodding and scribbling. "And are you in any sort of therapy?"

"No."

She asks me a few more questions about our family history, what our lives were like before Jasper died, what kind of husband and father he was. She asks about our daily lives and what sort of family structure and support system we have. I answer as honestly as I can as she makes notes.

"I'm going to be honest here, Bella. I'm sure I can help Maeve, but I'm not sure she's going to get the most out of this if you're not seeking some help as well."

"What do you mean?" I ask, though I know perfectly well what she's telling me.

"I mean Maeve needs to have a healthy, stable home environment so she can feel safe and happy. I believe without a doubt that you love her, but I also think you have unresolved feelings about the death of your husband. It's perfectly natural, but you have to deal with it. Its not going to go away on it's own."

I blink at her but don't say anything. She's blunt and I know she speaks the truth. Problems don't magically disappear. The leaks just get worse until the roof finally gives way, causing much more damage than necessary.

"My practice is called 'family therapy' for a reason. I share this office with two other therapists, and I think you should start seeing one. We can schedule your appointments concurrently so there's no undue strain on your life. If insurance is an issue we can work something out."

"No, it should be fine. I have a good plan," I say, nodding my head. I know she's right, but this is so hard. There are things I've been avoiding thinking about, much less talking about, for so long.

"I'll want to meet with you periodically to discuss Maeve's progress, or any issues I feel you need to know about. I also may want to expand our sessions to meet with you and Maeve together if I feel it's necessary."

"Okay," I say softly. I already feel worn out and this isn't even a real session.

"Now I'd like to speak with Maeve while you're in the room if that's all right."

I nod and she goes to the door and calls Maeve in. Maeve stands next to my chair and I put my arm around her and hold her close to my side. She looks a little scared but she's putting on a brave face.

"Hello, Maeve," Kate says as she sits next to us. "I'm Kate."

"Hi," Maeve says, waving her hand a little.

Kate smiles and rests her elbows on her knees so she's closer to Mae's eye level. "Your mom and I were just talking and we'd like to see if you want to come and talk with me once in a while. I have some games we can play if you don't feel like talking." Her voice is so gentle and sweet and Maeve responds positively by nodding her head and looking at me.

"Is that something you might like?" I ask, giving her what I hope is an encouraging smile.

"I guess," she says. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, though."

"You don't have to do anything," Kate says. "Just come and sit with me and we'll see what happens, okay?"

"Okay," she agrees.

Kate spends a few minutes alone with Maeve while I set up our schedules. We'll be here every Monday night at five-thirty.

I take Maeve for ice cream afterward and ask her how she liked talking to Kate.

"It was okay," she says. "She's nice. And her dress was pretty."

I smile and take a spoonful of mint chip. I'm still dreading having to dredge up my feelings, but this is going to help Mae, and that's all I can ask for.

* * *

><p><strong>Whew. One giant step for this family. <strong>

**Thanks for reading and for your lovely reviews.**


	18. Craft

**Sometimes what happens in these chapters takes me by surprise.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Craft**

* * *

><p>I check my email when I get home and the estimate from Emmett is in my inbox. I open it with some trepidation; I do fine financially, but I'm not left with a surplus at month's end and haven't really been able to save too much.<p>

I'm shocked by the contents of the estimate. So much so that the first thing I do is call Edward.

He's silent for a moment after I tell him how much Emmett will be charging me and I can almost see him shrug when he finally speaks. "It's low, I admit it. But that doesn't mean the work will be shoddy."

"It's less than half of what I expected," I tell him. "I don't want to complain, I just think it's...odd. Plus, he wants to start this week."

He sighs softly. "If it makes you feel better, I'll check the work myself and make sure it's up to par. But I trust him and I wouldn't let him touch your house if I didn't."

"I know that. I just... you're sure about this?"

"Positive."

"Okay." I nod even though he can't see me. "We saw Kate today," I blurt out, apropos of nothing except that I really want to talk with someone about what happened today.

"You did?" he asks, sounding genuinely pleased. "That's great, Bella. What did you think of her?"

"She's great with Maeve."

"And you?"

"She was great with me too. It's just... she very bluntly told me she thought I need therapy."

"And how do you feel about that?" he asks.

"Isn't my therapist going to ask me that exact question?"

He laughs and I smile into the receiver. "So you've decided to go then?"

"Yeah. I met someone else in the practice, a doctor Webber. She seems nice enough. I don't know... the whole thing is so scary," I admit. "So much has happened in the past year. Even before that. I don't really want to dredge it up."

"That's understandable," he says. "But you realize it's the only way to get past it right? To be able to move on with your life?" He says this last part with a catch in his voice and it makes my heart pound.

"I know," I say, taking a deep breath to calm my heart.

He must notice I'm struggling because he changes the subject quickly in a strong, clear, almost business-like voice. "Will you need us to watch Mae while you're at your appointments? It's no trouble."

"Thank you, again, but we were able to schedule the appointments together."

"Great," he says. "Well, if you'd like, I'll be in touch with Emmett tomorrow and see when he wants to start so I can be there."

I'm about to say yes, but I stop myself just in time. "Thank you, but I think I'll take it from here." If I don't start taking control of my life now, I'll always rely on someone else and that's not the message I want to send to Maeve about how adult women behave. I want her strong and independent, especially if she finds herself in a situation similar to the one I'm in right now. "I'll let you know when he's starting, though."

I can almost hear the smile in Edward's voice when he responds. "Whatever you want, Bella. I'm happy to help."

"Thanks again for everything, Edward. For limiting the damage to my roof and being such a good friend. And introducing me to Emmett."

"Introducing you? You're not going to start dating him, are you?" he asks, laughing nervously.

"Oh God, no," I say quickly. "Dating is the last thing on my mind."

"That's smart," he says after a beat. "You should focus on you and Mae right now."

"Yeah. But I'm sure I can make time for a friend too."

* * *

><p>Emmett comes by on Wednesday after I get home from work to take measurements and do another survey of the house. Edward magically appears with Seth in tow right as Emmett shows up, and I'm sure it's not a coincidence. As much as I want to do this on my own, I'm glad he's here. He always makes me feel less anxious for some reason. Like my own personal valium.<p>

I'm smiling at the thought as I see Maggie come out of the house next door and look in our direction. She seems angry as she walks to her car, starts it, and pulls out. Edward watches the car take off down the street, shaking his head a little with a frown on his face.

"Still with this, Eddie?" Emmett asks.

"Not now," Edward says, inclining his head toward Seth.

"Right," Emmett replies, looking down at Seth. "How you doing, Seth?"

"Good." He looks up at his father. "Daddy, can I go play with Maeve?"

"She's in the living room," I tell him. "Why don't you go on in?"

"Okay," he says, letting go of Edward's hand and banging through the front door of my house.

Emmett quickly finishes his survey and I invite him and Edward in for dinner. "Thanks, but I can't tonight," Emmett says. "I have a date."

Edward looks over at me and smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Something you want to tell me?"

I giggle like a school girl and shake my head. "Not today," I say.

"Am I missing something here?" Emmett asks, looking between us.

"Just a little joke," Edward says.

Emmett rolls his eyes and smiles. "Part of your porch will probably be gone when you get home tomorrow," Emmett tells me, getting back on message. "I thought we'd have to replace it entirely but it looks like we can salvage some of what's existing to keep costs down."

"That would be great," I say. "Just let me know what I need to do."

"You make sure the porch is clear and I'll take care of everything else."

"Okay. You're sure about dinner?"

"Yep, gotta run. It wouldn't do to be late for a first date."

He leaves and Edward walks into the house with me. "Are you staying for dinner?" I ask. "It's just spaghetti, but I craft a mean tomato sauce."

He seems to struggle with something for a moment before he nods. "I'd really like that. Why don't I clear your porch while you cook? I need to earn my keep."

"You more than earn your keep, Edward. I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You didn't ask. Now shoo, I have work to do," he says, waving a hand at me and smiling.

"Yes, sir," I say, saluting before heading toward the kitchen.

I actually find myself humming as I prepare dinner.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading.<p> 


	19. Gold

**Thanks to the lovely Songster for reading part of this for me. She rocks.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Gold**

* * *

><p>The week passes quickly. Much more quickly than I want it to considering what lies ahead of me on Monday. Maeve doesn't have any more nightmares where she calls out for me, but she seems more tired than usual and I wonder if her sleep is restless.<p>

Part of my porch is demolished on Thursday, but work can't begin until materials Emmett ordered come in, so he tells me I probably won't see him again until the following week. Maeve and I have a quiet Friday night at home; I order pizza and we watch _Despicable Me_– again.

On Saturday morning, as Maeve and I are leaving for breakfast and a little shopping, I notice workers pulling up to Edward's house and unloading building materials. There's still activity around the house when we come back at lunch time and Maeve, unabashed, runs over to see what's going on, her long brown hair flying behind her.

"Maeve!" I call out, walking after her. Typically, she ignores me and keeps going.

A woman I don't recognize comes out of Edward's house right as Mae reaches the front door. "Well, hello there, Maeve," she says, looking kindly down at my daughter. Quickly putting it together, I realize this must be the famous Esme, maker of chocolate chip pancakes and Edward's mother.

"Hi," Maeve says. "Is Seth home?"

"He's out back with his father watching the workers install a new pool." She looks up at me and smiles before turning back to Maeve. "You better ask your mom if you can go first, though."

Maeve turns to me, a hopeful look on her face. "Can I, Mommy? Please?"

"Sure, baby girl. Just be careful and mind Seth's daddy."

"Yes, Mommy," she says, running around to the back of the house.

Esme comes down the steps and holds her hand out. "You must be Bella, I'm Edward's mother, Esme."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I say, grasping her hand tightly before letting it go. "I've wanted to thank you for what you did for Maeve and me while I was sick."

"It was no trouble," she says. "Maeve is a darling."

"Still, you and your husband and Edward were so kind to me. I'm not sure what I would have done without you."

She looks me straight in the eye and smiles. "I'm sure you would have figured it out. It was fortunate we were here, but a mother always finds a way."

I nod and think of Edward's birth mother, wondering what broke in her that made her abandon her child. I shiver and cross my arms over my chest because that easily could have been me. Esme looks at me shrewdly and I suspect she knows exactly what I'm thinking.

I shake my head to clear it and try to smile. "Maeve raves about your chocolate chip pancakes. I can't seem to make them as well as you. Well, according to her, anyway."

"It's no big secret. I use buttermilk. It's the way my mother used to make them." Her smile is so genuine and I see where Edward gets it from. She must have had a profound influence on him to change his life around the way she did. It's not every day a child can go through what he did and come out so well on the other end. "I can write the recipe down for you if you'd like."

"Oh, um... sure, thanks."

We go into Edward's house and head to the kitchen. Esme looks for a pen and paper while I look out the back window. I barely notice the work going on because Edward has Maeve hanging off his back and he's spinning her around while she squeals in delight. Seth is laying on the grass, laughing, obviously having just had his turn. Edward is smiling and the sun glinting off of his copper hair makes it look almost gold.

"He's good with children," Esme says as she comes to stand next to me.

I look at her and nod before turning back to the window. "He is. Mae's crazy about him, actually. He's very... attentive to her. Parenting seems to come very naturally to him." That little stab of guilt that someone else is acting like a father to Maeve is still there, but it's tempered now. This is good for her. Though in the back of my mind I worry about her getting attached to someone who has no commitment to us and may not be a permanent fixture in our lives. But she seems so happy and I don't want to be the one to take that away from her.

"It does. He's..." She trails off so I turn to her. She's looking out the window at her son with a mixture of sadness and complete adoration.

"I know," I tell her. She looks at me and I nod, letting her know exactly what I'm talking about.

"My husband and I couldn't have children of our own, and for my sister to just give up her son is unfathomable to me. He could have turned out just like her, but he's the exact opposite."

"I'm sure you had a lot to do with that."

"I don't know if that's true. He's so strong and he worked so hard."

"You took him out of that situation. It could have been much, much worse."

"I just want him to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. He's already had enough heartbreak to last a lifetime." I'm not sure if she's talking to me or herself, but eventually she tears her eyes away from the scene outside and smiles at me. "Here's the recipe," she says, handing me a slip of paper.

I thank her and put it in my pocket, turning back to the window just in time to see Maeve throw her arms around Edward's neck and him hug her back tightly.

* * *

><p>My therapy appointment sneaks up on me and before I know it, Maeve is disappearing into Kate's office and I'm being ushered through a door on the other side of the reception area. I met Dr. Webber briefly last week so we dispense with pleasantries and get down to business.<p>

"So, Bella, why are you here?" she asks kindly.

I shrug and take a deep breath. "My husband passed away about a year ago. He had terminal cancer and was diagnosed six months before he died. I brought my daughter in to see your colleague and she thought I could benefit from talking to someone as well." This is surprisingly easy to talk about, and I relax just a little.

"Do you know why she thought that?"

I shrug again. "To help Maeve, I think. That's my daughter."

"Okay," she says, making notes on her pad. "Why don't you tell me a little about Maeve."

So I tell her about my little girl. How smart and sweet she is, how giving and kind. I also tell her about Maeve's nightmares and outbursts and how she handled Jasper's illness and death.

"What about you?" she asks once I'm finished.

"What about me?"

"How are you handling your husband's death?"

"I'm fine," I say automatically.

She nods and makes notes. "Do you miss him?"

"Of course I do," I answer without thinking.

Because this is the answer I'm supposed to give.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

**Sorry about my lack of review replies for the last couple of days. The time I usually spend doing that has been spent on the next chapter of _Dear Mr. Masen_. I'll get back to it, promise.  
><strong>


	20. Fence

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Fence**

* * *

><p>I take Mae for dinner after her therapy session. She's quiet in the car but once we sit down to eat, she's more talkative.<p>

"How was your talk with Kate?" I ask after our meals come.

"Good."

"Anything you want to tell me about?"

She shrugs and takes a sip of her water. "Not really. She asked me if I wanted to talk about Daddy. I told her no so we talked about school and then we did a puzzle together."

I know these things take time so I let the subject drop.

We go for ice cream after dinner and get home after eight o'clock. By the time Mae finishes her homework and has her bath, we're both exhausted and cranky. We barely resist shouting at each other and after I tuck her in I fall into bed and I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Emmett calls me Tuesday night and tells me he'll start work on the porch the next day. I won't be home so I tell him I'll leave a key in the mailbox so he has access to the house. By the time I get home he's already gone but there's wood and boxes of materials and tools laying on the front porch.

I miss him again on Thursday, but on Friday I find him and Edward working on the porch when Mae and I come home.

"...so she takes me in the house and tells me I can only stay if I get approval from her cat," he's telling Edward as we walk through the gate in the fence and up to the house. They're side by side, Edward pounding away with a hammer, Emmett standing there with nails in his hand.

"And this was after you'd gone to dinner?" Edward asks after he stops hammering.

"Yes! Totally freaked me out. I mean who the fu–"

"We're home," I say loudly, cutting off what I know is going to be a word inappropriate for young ears.

They both turn and Emmett's face is almost comically red and embarrassed.

"Busted," Edward says with a smirk.

"Sorry," Emmett mumbles, looking at me but knocking Edward with his shoulder. "I was just telling Edward about the date I went on last week."

"It's fine." I say, shaking my head and smiling. "I wouldn't mind hearing about Cat Lady. Much, much later in the evening."

"Yes, ma'am," Emmett says with a smile. "We've gotten quite a bit done today. Edward came a couple of hours ago to give me a hand so it's been going a little faster."

I smile shyly at Edward in thanks and then I look down at Mae, who's tugging at my shirt. "I'm hungry, Mama."

"Okay, baby. Give Mama a minute." I look over at Edward and Emmett and ask them to stay for dinner. "My sister-in-law's coming over. She should be here soon."

"Oh," Emmett says, patting his hair and resting his hands on his chest. "I would, but I'm a mess."

"Change at my place. I'm sure I have a shirt that'll fit you," Edward says.

"Please," I say to Emmett. "We'd love to have you. It's just chicken parm with ziti, but there's plenty."

"Um," he says, looking from me to Edward, a smile on his face. "Sure, that sounds great."

I smile back and usher Maeve into the house. "Be back in an hour," I tell them. "And send Seth over whenever. He can play with Maeve."

Seth knocks on my door ten minutes later and runs to Maeve's room to play.

Rose shows up soon after, a bakery box in her hand.

"What's going on in the front of your house?" she asks as she rolls up her sleeves to help me finish dinner.

"Oh, I had a leak and didn't take care of it and it caved in the weekend we were at your place."

"Holy shit. How bad was it?"

"Not as bad as it could have been. Edward saw it and threw a tarp over the gaping hole in the roof."

"Riiiight, Edward. Your _neighbor_."

I roll my eyes and hand her a loaf of bread and a few cloves of garlic. "Make garlic bread," I say. "Butter's in the fridge."

She smiles and grabs the butter and goes about her business. "He'll be here tonight," I say nervously. She arches an eyebrow and I clarify. "Edward, I mean. He's coming over with the contractor who's repairing the porch."

Now she looks thoroughly confused so I explain how Edward called in Emmett, who agreed to do the work himself for a very reasonable price.

She looks at me dubiously but says nothing, and I'm a little offended and defensive. "He's been a good friend to me," I insist.

She nods and her face softens. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything."

"It's okay," I say, going back to chopping lettuce for the salad. "Just promise me you'll be nice tonight and not say anything to make him uncomfortable."

"I promise," she says, looking at me contritely. "But I reserve the right to tease you in private."

The doorbell rings and I wipe my hands on a towel. "Deal," I say, walking to the front door.

I open the door and am instantly reminded of just how handsome Edward is, especially now. His hair is still damp from his shower and he's wearing faded jeans and a button down with the sleeves rolled up. He's smiling that easy smile and he seems so relaxed and happy that I smile back without thinking about it.

"Come in. Seth's upstairs with Mae," I say, looking behind him. "Where's Emmett?"

"I forgot the wine so he ran back to get it." I leave the front door open for Emmett and take Edward to the kitchen. I'm nervous and my stomach is fluttering but I don't know why. I'm introducing one friend to another and it shouldn't be a big deal.

Rose smiles politely when I introduce them and true to her word, she's nothing but unfailingly polite and friendly. I relax just a little.

"Hello!" Emmett calls from the front door.

"In here," I say, walking to the doorway of the kitchen so he knows where to find us.

He walks over, handing me a bottle of wine and stepping into the kitchen. Rose looks up at him and smiles and I hear her sharp intake of breath followed by a cry of pain.

Next thing I know there's blood all over the garlic bread and Edward has sprung into action, taking Rose over to the sink to run her cut hand under water. I run upstairs to get the first aid kit and take a roll of gauze out when I get back to the kitchen.

"I think you're going to need stitches," Edward says to Rose.

"I'll take you to the hospital," I say. "Let's just wrap it up for the ride over."

"I'll take her," Emmett says. We all turn to look at him and he blushes slightly. "I mean, If Rose wouldn't mind. You have the kids and all and it's no trouble for me."

I look at Rose and she nods her head. "That would be fine, thanks," she says softly. I don't know if it's her injury, but she seems almost shy, and Rose is never shy.

"If you're both sure..." I say.

They assure me they are so we wrap up Rose's hand the best we can and send them on their way.

* * *

><p><strong><br>All right, the rest of the weekend needs to be dedicated to Dear Mr. Masen. I'll probably update this again on Monday, maybe Tuesday. Thanks for your patience.  
><strong>  
><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<br>**


	21. Bleach

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Bleach**

* * *

><p>Once Rose and Emmett leave I grab some bleach and Edward helps me clean the kitchen. The garlic bread is ruined but we declare everything else blood free.<p>

"Should we wait to eat?" I ask Edward.

He looks at the clock on the stove and shakes his head. "The kids will be hungry. We should feed them at the very least."

"Of course," I say. "Let's just eat and we'll put some aside for when they come back."

Edward takes the chicken out of the oven and then opens the wine while I drain the pasta. Once everything is plated and the table is set, Edward goes to get the children.

He comes into the room a few minutes later carrying Maeve on one side and holding Seth's hand on the other. They're all wearing smiles and laughing at some joke I wasn't privy to.

My emotions are so jumbled for a moment that I simultaneously want to laugh and cry. I clear my throat and run to the kitchen where I take a few deep breaths. When I come back to the dining room Edward has the children settled at the table and he's serving Seth a piece of chicken. Edward looks up at me, a question in his eyes. I shake my head and try to smile, but I know he's seeing right through me. Thankfully he just nods slightly and lets the matter lie.

"What do you want to eat, sweetie?" I ask Maeve.

"Pasta, please, Mama."

"Please try some chicken, baby."

"I only like nuggets," she insists, her voice verging on whiny.

I open my mouth to say something but Edward gets there first. "You like pizza, right, Maeve?"

She nods and looks at him curiously. "Well," he continues, "my mom always called this pizza chicken. It's mostly the same ingredients."

She looks dubious but allows him to put a small piece of chicken parm on her plate, which is more than she usually lets me do.

"It's so good," Seth tells her, taking a piece of the chicken Edward cut up for him and popping it into his mouth. "You should try it."

Maeve looks from Seth to Edward to me and then finally settles on Edward. He smiles at her and cuts a small piece of chicken on her plate. "It's up to you if you want to eat it," he says. "If you don't that's okay, that just means more for me."

She studies him as he goes back to his meal and I sit there in awe as she puts a piece of chicken in her mouth, chews, and swallows. I've been trying forever to get her to eat a piece of chicken that wasn't pressed into nugget form. It took Edward all of three and a half minutes. She only eats one more piece, but it's something.

I'm practically in awe of his parenting skills. Her own father never had influence like that. Then again, while Jasper was an affectionate father and he and Maeve shared a close relationship, he normally left day-to-day parenting to me, including getting her to eat. Now a man who wasn't even her father was taking the time to coax her into trying something new.

"May I have pasta, please?" Seth asks me, breaking me from my thoughts.

I smile over at him and ruffle his hair before taking his plate and scooping some pasta on it. "There you go," I say, placing the plate back in front of him. I notice some sauce on his face so I take a napkin and wipe it gently.

When I look up Edward is staring at me with the oddest look on his face. I'm not sure how to interpret it but it makes me flush and I hastily look away and take a sip of my wine.

I text Rose after we finish eating and she says they're still waiting to see a doctor, but that they're both fine. Seth and Maeve go play in her room while Edward and I clean up and then pour another glass of wine and retire to the living room.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much this week," Edward says as we settle side-by-side on the couch. "Work has been so busy."

"That's okay. I'm sure you have a life." I look down because I'm embarrassed that I've been missing him. More than I think I should.

"I like to think you're part of my life," he says softly.

"I know," I agree. "I just meant you have other responsibilities. Your business and Seth and... whatever else you have going on."

He furrows his brows and looks at me as if I mean something, or someone, specific. And I do. But I'm still afraid to bring it up.

He looks like he's about to question me when there's a chirp from his general direction. He takes his phone out of his pocket, looks at the display, and sighs. "Excuse me," he says.

"No problem." I take a sip of my wine and watch him answer the call.

"Yeah," he says, looking at me but speaking into his phone.

He listens for a moment and then drops his head. "I can't right now, Maggie. I'm busy."

He gets up and walks across the room. I don't think he's trying to hide anything, it seems more like nervous energy than anything else. "It's the weekend," he says after a moment. He's more annoyed than I've ever seen him, but I still feel so calm around him.

He paces and listens for a minute, rolling his eyes before he speaks again. "I think you know and that's exactly why you're calling. Good night."

He ends the call and comes to sit next to me on the couch, looking down and huffing out a breath. He seems so unhappy and it suddenly occurs to me that this friendship hasn't been a two way street. It's my turn to be his friend, just like he's been mine.

I place my hand on his arm and he looks at me, his face a mixture of angry and resigned.

"You can talk to me, you know."

He sighs and drops his head again. "I don't know what to do."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews. I really appreciate you all more than I can say.<p> 


	22. Malicious

**I debated for a while whether to post this or not. Then I figured better something than nothing. More explanation at the end.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Malicious**

* * *

><p>"You don't know what to do about what?" I ask. I suspect I know, but I've never brought that subject up before and I'm not comfortable enough to start now.<p>

Instead of answering my question, he takes a sip of wine and then rests his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands together. I draw my knees up and sit patiently and wait.

"I was a mess when Esme and Carlisle took me home. I was resentful and destructive and almost malicious. I have no idea why they put up with me."

I knew he wasn't looking for an answer, but having met Esme, I couldn't help myself. "You know exactly why."

He looks at me gives me a half smile. "I do. I was a lucky kid." He runs a hand through his hair and looks down, his smile disappearing. "Anyway, school was especially difficult for me. I was already pissed off at the world and having to make new friends in a new school wasn't helping matters. Not that I tried. I was getting in fights on an almost daily basis and all the kids eventually learned to stay away from me."

Edward sits back on the couch and rubs a hand over his face. "You sure you want to hear this?" he asks me.

"I'm sure," I say. "If you're sure you want to tell me."

He nods and looks at a spot across the room. "I was getting better as time went on, but none of the kids at school wanted to be friends with me. It was too late. So Carlisle and Esme decided that for high school, we'd move to another school district where my reputation didn't precede me. So not only did they take me in, but they also gave up their home for me."

"I'm not sure they saw it that way," I interject.

"Maybe," he says, not sounding completely convinced. He scratches the back of his neck and continues. "Anyway, we moved and I got a fresh start. I didn't really know how to make friends, but I joined some sports teams and met some guys that way. It was nice to be around people who didn't just see me as a thug and a bully. I wouldn't say I was the most popular kid in school, but I had friends, people I liked and who liked me, and I really felt as if things were turning around for me.

"I knew Maggie from my old school. She transferred too, in senior year. She told me later I'd changed so much she almost didn't recognize me. Oddly, it was good having someone around who knew the old me. In some ways I was putting on a show for these other kids and making myself the person I wanted them to see. I was happier and in a better place, but sometimes I just wanted to talk about the way things were, you know?" He looks over at me and I nod my head.

"Maggie and I just kind of fell into a relationship. She was my first... everything, and it felt really good to be that close to someone. To have someone other than Carlisle and Esme care about me. Which is probably why I let things go as far as they did."

He stops and I'm not sure why. "You okay?" I ask, touching his arm lightly.

"Yeah, I just wish I could somehow relay this story to you without actually having to _say _it." He smiles at me but it's so sad and I feel in that moment I'd do just about anything to make him happy again.

"I know exactly what you mean. Really, if this is too much…"

"It's not too much. I want you to know," he says sincerely. I wonder why he wants me to know but I just nod, wanting to encourage him, not question his motives.

"We went to college together – there was no way I was going to be apart from her and she had her heart set on U Mass, so that's where I went."

He gazes over at me and he looks almost ashamed. "I never wanted anyone else while we were together. All through college and afterward – other women showed interest in me, but never once did I even think about cheating on her."

He takes a deep breath. "I wish she'd felt the same way," he whispers.

That's when we hear two sets of footsteps clambering down the stairs. We both stop and look toward the living room door where our children soon appear and speak simultaneously.

"Dad! Maeve isn't sharing!"

"Seth is being mean to me, Mama!"

Edward and I look at each other and shake our heads. I glance at the clock and am surprised to see it's well past nine o'clock, and Maeve's bedtime. "Okay, I think that's enough for tonight," Edward says, sounding almost relieved. "Let's go home, buddy. Go get your coat."

Seth stamps his foot but with one look from Edward, does as he's told.

"Say goodbye to Seth and his daddy and then go up and put your pajamas on and brush your teeth," I tell Maeve. "Then I'll be up to tuck you in."

Edward crouches down and he and Maeve hug tightly, and then she says goodbye to Seth on her way upstairs.

"Let's continue this soon," I tell Edward as I walk him and Seth out. "Maybe, um..." I look down, unsure and a little afraid.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Maybe you'd like to come over next Friday," I say quickly. "The kids don't have school the next day and I–"

"We'd love to," he says. "But you should come to our place instead. It's only fair."

"That sounds good," I say.

"Thanks for listening," he says. He leans over and kisses my cheek before turning and walking out of my house.

* * *

><p><strong>I know, you didn't get the whole story. I'm not trying to be a jerk. I've thrown out my back and this<strong>** was about as much as I could get out today. Also, I'm a parent and am constantly interrupted by my child, just like Bella and Edward were. I can barely get a sentence out to my husband before it's all "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy." It's realistic is all I'm saying. I promise you'll get the rest.**

**Thank you for your patience, for reading, and for your very kind and consistent reviews.**


	23. Divine, Entwine

**I refer you all back to chapter one if you have any questions regarding whether Edward is Seth's biological father.  
><strong>

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: divine, entwine**

* * *

><p>Rosalie calls me late on Saturday to let me know she's home and recovering. She has three stitches but there's no permanent damage to her hand. I make her promise to let me know if she needs anything but she seems to have everything under control.<p>

Maeve and I have therapy again on Monday. Angela asks me about my week and I give her all of the mundane details she asks for. I can't imagine it's interesting but she makes notes and smiles, the perfect picture of an engaged therapist.

Maeve is more reserved after her session this week and is sullen during dinner. She perks up a little when we go for ice cream, but whines through the rest of the evening. My patience is hanging on by a thread when I put her to bed, so by the third time she asks for a glass of water, I've had it.

"Go back to bed!" I shout from the living room where I'm folding laundry.

"Give me water!" she shouts back from the top of the stairs.

"I already told you no. Now go back to bed or no dessert for a week."

She stamps her foot and crosses her arms over her chest. "This is all your fault!"

"Go. To. Bed."

She starts to cry, runs to her room, and slams the door. I wait three full minutes then go to her. I'm the adult and I need to act like one, as difficult as it is sometimes. She's laying in the middle of the bed, her eyes red rimmed and droopy. "I love you," I say, rubbing her back lightly.

"I love you too," she says through a sniffle.

"Did something happen today?"

"No," she mumbles, resting her head in my lap.

"You can tell me, you know. I'll never be angry with you for telling me about something that upsets you."

"I know," she says. I think maybe she wants to tell me but she doesn't say anything else and I don't push her.

I play with her hair until she closes her eyes and then cover her up and go finish folding the laundry. Then I make Maeve's lunch, pay some bills, and sweep the kitchen floor. By the time I'm finished it's well past midnight, but once I'm in bed I'm wide awake. I put the television on and stare at it mindlessly until I finally fall asleep hours later.

I see Emmett the next day and I thank him for taking care of Rose. He blushes and looks down and tells me it was no problem. The work on the porch is proceeding nicely and he tells me he should be finished soon.

My week is especially stressful because after months of sleeping almost non-stop, I now have insomnia. I'm working on two to three hours sleep a night all week and by the time Friday comes, I feel like I want to keel over.

Edward calls me during the day to confirm our plans and asks us to come over at five o'clock. I think maybe I should cancel and try to get some sleep, but I don't. Mae's been asking after Seth and I've been looking forward to this all week. Rose has been mysteriously busy all week and despite the interaction I have at work, I miss adult conversation and just being with a friendly face.

"What's wrong?" Edward asks me the minute we walk in the door.

I shake my head and try to smile, handing him a bakery box. "It's nothing."

His jaw clenches ever so slightly and he sends the kids to play on the swing set they have in the backyard. Edward grabs two beers and a tray of snacks and we follow the kids outside. It's the first warm evening of spring and it feels almost divine to emerge from the dark winter.

Edward and I watch the kids from lounge chairs on the back deck. They're chatting happily as they swing back and forth and I feel myself relax for the first time all week.

"You look like you haven't slept in a week," Edward says after we sit down. He's looking out at the kids and sipping his beer, but concern laces his voice.

"I haven't," I reply, picking at the label on my beer bottle. "Not really."

"Why not?" His voice is soft and his presence next to me so comforting. I wish I knew what it was about him that made me feel this way, I'd bottle it and make a fortune.

"I'm not sure. I can't seem to relax enough to sleep. I've tried reading, television, warm milk, chamomile tea, wine... everything except medication. Nothing works."

"What's been on your mind?" he asks. He sounds like a therapist, and I tell him so.

He smiles. "Years of therapy will do that to you. But I'm asking as your friend."

"I know." I take a deep breath. "I'm not sure what it is. It came on suddenly this week and I've been trying to think of a reason, but nothing stands out."

I look over at him and he nods. I have an almost overwhelming urge to grab his hand and entwine his fingers with mine. I know, in the part of my heart where the truth lies, it will comfort me instantly and bring me some sort of peace. But I don't dare–for so many reasons.

It turns out just being near Edward does the trick. After dinner, Edward sends me to the living room to sit down while he and the kids clean up from dinner. I hear clanging plates and giggling from the kitchen as my eyes close. I try to fight it and I think I mumble Edward's name before I fall asleep, but I'm not sure.

My eyes flutter open but I close them again almost immediately. I'm so comfortable and when I bury my head in the pillow and inhale, I feel so at ease that I almost drift back to sleep. But something seems off so I open my eyes to daylight streaming into a bedroom I've never been in before. I blink rapidly and take in my surroundings: the room is decorated in rich reds and browns and greens. It's undeniably the bedroom of a man.

Edward's bedroom.

I sit up and run a hand through my hair but it gets caught on knots and I drop it heavily in my lap. I get up slowly and find the en suite bathroom where a fresh towel and a toothbrush–still in its packaging–are laid out on the counter. On top of it is a sticky note with my name written on it. I smile and open the toothbrush.

As I work on my teeth it strikes me that there are no female products in the bathroom. No cosmetics or curling iron or hair dryer, no female branded deodorant or face soap or moisturizer. Even the bathroom towels are decidedly masculine.

I go back in the bedroom and notice the bedside clock says seven o'clock, so I creep down the stairs in hopes of finding some coffee. I find it, along with Edward, in the kitchen. He's sitting at the kitchen table, staring out the window and drinking coffee.

"Hey," he says, turning when he hears me come in. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Um, yeah," I say, looking down and running a hand over my bed head. "I'm really sorry about that. Thanks for the toothbrush."

"It's perfectly fine," he says. "Mae is upstairs sleeping. I put her in the guest room since that was where she stayed last time and if I doubled up the kids they would have been up half the night. So I put you in my room. I slept on the couch. I hope that's okay."

I smile a little at his rambling. He rubs his hands together and he seems nervous and a little shy. If anything, I'm the one who should be embarrassed. "Please, you don't need to explain. I really am sorry. I guess I was just so tired..."

"It's fine. Have some coffee," he says, smiling at me and getting up to get me a mug. He pours me a cup and I sit at the table with him, drinking coffee and just...being. It's nice.

When I hear keys rattle in the front door all the peace I feel is broken and my heart leaps in my chest. Edward's head drops and he groans.

Before I can properly react, I hear Maggie. "Edward? Are you up? I brought break–" She stops in the doorway of the kitchen, her face going quickly from happy to surprised to livid.

"Well," she says. "Isn't this cozy?"

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for sharing your back paininterrupting children stories with me. Looks like I have some universal issues going on here.**

**Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews. I enjoy reading them immensely.**


	24. Steel

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: steel**

* * *

><p>I'm struck dumb, but Edward doesn't seem to be having the same problem. His eyes are as hard as steel, his fist is clenched on the table next to his coffee cup, and when he speaks, it's through his teeth.<p>

"It's the weekend, Mags. What are you doing here?"

Maggie is looking between us and I find myself withering under her gaze. She finally settles of Edward and holds up a bag. "I brought breakfast. Your favorite. But I only brought enough for two," she says pointedly, her eyes traveling to me for a split second.

"Good. Leave the bag, I'll see you on Monday." I've never heard his voice so cold and devoid of emotion. It makes me shiver.

The anger fades from her face and she looks crestfallen. "Edward..." She looks over at me and then back at Edward as if she's trying to convey something to him.

He shakes his head and tightens his jaw. "This is not part of our agreement, and you know it."

Maggie blushes and I feel like a voyeur. I shouldn't be witnessing this, even if it is somehow partly about me. "I should go," I say to Edward. "I'll go get Maeve."

"No," he says. His eyes soften when he looks at me. "She's the one who needs to leave." He hooks a thumb toward Maggie and then turns in his seat to face her. "You don't have a right to walk into this house unannounced on a day you're not supposed to be here."

"Is that so?" she asks, her anger making a reappearance. "You don't have a right to parade women in and out of the house where my son lives!"

Edward slams his fist down on the table and both Maggie and I jump. "How dare you," he says, his voice so angry it's almost a growl. "You, of all people."

"What is she doing here?" she demands. "Did she spend the night?"

"That's none of your damn business."

He raises angry eyes to her and she takes a step back. "Edward," she pleads, looking at him almost desperately. "Please don't do this."

"I didn't do this, if you'll remember." He stands and walks toward her. "Now, you've come here uninvited and have been rude to my guest. It's time for you to leave."

She looks at Edward, then at me, and then back at him before turning around to leave. When the front door slams closed Edward's shoulders slump and he walks back to the table where he sits down and puts his head in his hands.

Without thinking, I get up and go to him. He looks up at me as I stand in front of him and I reach out tentatively to him. He winds his arms around me, pulls me close, and buries his head in stomach. I put my hands in his hair and he sighs softly and mumbles an apology.

"You don't have to apologize to me," I say, running my fingers through his hair. I think I should feel awkward, but I don't. This is nice, if a little confusing.

"I'm so sorry that happened in front of you. I owe you an explanation," he says, looking up at me.

I shake me head. "No, you don't. I was only here by accident and it's not my place to–"

"It's not _her _place," he whispers, though his voice is firm. "I want you here."

I run a hand through his hair, because I can't seem to stop, and he closes his eyes and hums softly.

"Mama?" I step away from Edward almost guiltily and turn around. Maeve is standing there in pajamas I've never seen before –they must be Seth's.

"Come here, baby," I say, holding my arms open. She smiles and comes to me and I hug her tightly. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yes," she says, pulling away from me. "You fell asleep on the couch and Seth's daddy had to carry you!" She giggles and looks over at Edward, who smiles softly at her.

"Sorry about that," I tell her. "Did you have fun after Mama fell asleep?"

She nods vigorously and smiles. "We had ice cream and played Uno! And then we had two books before bed!" she exclaims, holding up two fingers.

I look over at Edward and mouth a thank you. He shrugs and smiles, getting up and walking to the refrigerator. "What's for breakfast, Mae?" he asks.

"Ummmm..." She puts a finger on her chin, appearing to ponder her options. "Eggs? With toast?"

"Perfect," Edward declares, pulling out a carton of eggs and a butter dish. "But I think I'm going to need some help. What do you say?"

Maeve nods and smiles and steps up onto the stool that's in front of the kitchen counter.

Edward and Mae and I make breakfast together, and Seth joins us just when we sit down to eat.

"We should go," I say to Edward after we finish cleaning up. I feel like we've imposed enough.

"Don't," he says immediately. "I mean..." He runs a nervous hand through his hair. "Will you come back? Later, maybe? So I can explain things to you?"

He looks so sad and earnest and I nod my head because he doesn't deserve more sadness in his life. "We have a few things to do at home, but we can come over later if you'd like."

His hand finds his hair again and I'm starting to recognize this as a nervous tic of his. "If I can get my mom to come watch the kids will you let me take you somewhere?"

My eyes widen and my heart speeds up. I'm not sure if he's asking me out on a date, but the mere idea that he is terrifies me. I'm entirely comfortable with Edward, so much so that being around him actually cured my insomnia, at least for an evening. But I'm not sure how ready I am to explore what that means.

"It doesn't have to be... I didn't mean..." he stutters. He takes a deep breath and puts his hands on my shoulders. "I want to take you somewhere so we don't get interrupted. It doesn't have to mean anything beyond that. It's just dinner with a friend." He looks wary and maybe a little disappointed. "We can even just go for a walk or coffee if that makes you more comfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable," I say, relief flooding through me. He understands me, just like always. "Dinner sounds... good."

I smile to reassure him, and myself. Dinner with a friend, with Edward, sounds perfect.

"Why don't you come by at around six?" he says a few minutes later as he's walking us out. "That'll be early enough so you can get Mae home and to bed at a decent hour."

"Your mom won't mind?" I ask.

"Not a chance. She'll love it."

"Okay, see you at six." I'm smiling as Mae and I head for home.

* * *

><p><strong>Tomorrow is devoted to writing DMM, but if I can squeeze out a chapter, I will.<br>**

**Thanks for reading and for your kind reviews.**


	25. Pressure

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: pressure**

* * *

><p>I spend an inordinate amount of time deciding what to wear until I finally realize I'm being ridiculous and choose a simple wrap dress. This isn't a date, but I'm acting like it is and I need to stop putting pressure on myself.<p>

Maeve is watching me get ready and helping me by handing me jewelry from the box I keep on my dresser. She's looking though and pulls out my engagement ring. "Ooh, this is so pretty, Mama," she says innocently.

I can't believe she already forgot I used to wear it every day. I look at the ring and wonder what's happening to me. It took me six months to take it off, and now I look at it and feel practically nothing. Except maybe guilt that I feel next to nothing looking at the symbol of my marriage, when just a few months ago I would look at my wedding album and cry.

"You can have that some day. When you're older and want to get married."

"Really?" she says, a huge smile on her face. "How old will I have to be to get married?"

"That depends," I say, putting in my left earring. "I hope you'll wait until you're a little older than I was."

"How old were you when you got married with Daddy?" she asks, her smile replaced by a more pensive look.

I smile a little at her phrasing and put my right earring in. "I was twenty-one, and Daddy was twenty-three."

"Why should I be older?"

"I don't know, so you experience a bit more of life, I suppose. Work on your career a little, go have some fun."

"I don't understand," she says.

I crouch down so we're eye-level. "I know you don't, sweetie. You will when you get a little older."

This seems to satisfy her and she puts my ring back in the box and closes the top.

"Where are you and Seth's daddy going?" she asks as we walk downstairs.

"Just to have something to eat."

"Why can't I come? I want to come." There's the barest hint of a whine in her voice and I prepare myself for a possible meltdown.

"Seth's daddy and I need to talk about adult things that will just bore you. Besides, it's late for you and you've already had your dinner."

She pouts a little, so I try a distraction technique since logic doesn't seem to be working. Why I try to reason with a six year old, I'll never know. "I'm sure you'll have much more fun than I will. You'll be with Seth and his grandma. I bet you'll play games and eat snacks and have all sorts of fun."

"Really?" she says. She looks a little dubious, but she's not whining anymore so I count it as a win.

"Absolutely. As a matter of fact, I'll stay with Seth and you go out with his daddy. What do you think?"

She giggles and shakes her head. "No way!"

"Good, now go get your jacket."

We walk over to Edward's and Esme answers the door. She looks so pleased to see us that I actually blush. "Well, if it isn't Maeve," she says. "I was just hoping someone would come by and help me and Seth make chocolate chip cookies."

Maeve looks up and me and I nod. "Go ahead, just don't eat too many, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," she calls, running past me into the house.

I follow Esme into the house as Maeve makes a beeline for Seth and the kitchen.

"Thanks for watching Mae tonight," I say to Esme as we walk into the living room.

"It's not trouble," she says. "She's lovely."

"Thank you. I'm glad she beh–"

"Seth!" I hear Edward yell. He's coming down the stairs, strapping a watch to his wrist. "I told you to cle–" He stops short when he sees me, his eyes wide, and I'm immediately self conscious. I look down and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I chance a look up at him and he's slowly walking down the stairs and looking at me.

"Edward," Esme says, a slight reprimand in her voice.

He clears his throat and finishes putting his watch on. "Sorry," he says. "I was...woolgathering." He smiles and waves a hand around the side of his head. "You look nice."

"Oh, thanks," I say. I look over at Esme, who has a smile on her face, and then back at Edward, who also looks nice in khakis and a dark blue button down. "You do too."

Seth and Maeve come into the living room, apparently impatient with the lack of cookie-making going on at the moment. "Nana, I thought we were going to make cookies," Seth says.

"Yes, we are. You two enjoy your dinner," she says to us. "We're going to be busy having fun here so don't rush home."

We say goodbye to Esme and the children and then go outside.

Edward is a perfect gentleman, holding doors for me and pulling out my chair when we're show to our quiet corner table at a little Italian place in town.

"I really am sorry about this morning," Edward says once our food is ordered and our wine glasses are filled. His arms are resting on the table and he looks handsome in the candlelight.

"It's all right."

"No, it's not. It was... horrible."

"Okay, it was pretty surreal and uncomfortable. Way to show a girl who passes out on your couch a good time, Edward." Edward stops with his wine glass halfway to his mouth and laughs.

I join him and the tension that had been hanging over us is broken.

"It really was awful, wasn't it? Of all days for her to show up out of the blue."

"She has a key, so shouldn't it kind of be expected?"

"No, absolutely not." He sighs and sips his wine. "The situation is complicated."

"How so?"

He runs his fingers up and down the stem of his wine glass and seems to ponder what to say for a moment. "Maggie and I were married right after college. Looking back it probably wasn't the best idea, but loved her and didn't see a reason to wait. Seth wasn't exactly planned, but I was happy when we found out she was pregnant a few months later. I swore I'd be the type of parent Carlisle and Esme were and that my son would have the best of everything."

He looks at his wine glass and takes a deep breath. "Life wasn't always easy, but I can honestly say I made every attempt to be a good father and husband and to provide for my family. I may not have been perfect, but I did the best I could."

"I'm sure you did," I say, because I absolutely believe that. I can't imagine an inattentive Edward, not when he's so good to Mae and me when we're not even his family.

"She left us. When Seth was four I came home from work one night and her bags were packed. She told me she was in love with someone else and she walked out on us that very night. Funny thing, I had absolutely no idea I wasn't happily married."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

**Next update probably on Monday**


	26. Picnic

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: picnic**

* * *

><p>He doesn't sound upset as he tells me the story, just resigned. Our appetizers come and he continues between bites. "It wouldn't have been so bad if she'd just left me, but she had no contact with Seth either." He puts his fork down and runs a hand over his face. "That was hard, having to explain to my four year old son why his mother left."<p>

"How did you explain it?"

"I told him it wasn't his fault, that his mom and dad weren't getting along and Mommy needed some time away." He shrugs and takes a bite of his salad. "I didn't want him to think he'd done anything wrong."

I nod, again in awe at what a good parent he is and how he always puts his son first. He must have been devastated at the time, but he made sure Seth was comforted in the midst of turmoil. I didn't so the same thing for Mae when Jasper died and I once again feel inadequate.

"What's wrong?" Edward asks.

I'd forgotten that for whatever reason, I'm pretty much an open book to Edward. I shake my head and smile, not wanting to derail us. "It's nothing. Please continue."

He doesn't look completely convinced, but presses on anyway. "I put all of my energy into Seth, making sure he felt secure and well cared for. We didn't hear from Maggie at all except through attorneys so we could finalize our divorce. My parents helped me out a lot and just when I thought we were hitting our stride, she came back."

He takes a large sip of his wine and pushes his almost empty salad plate away. "Are you tired of this sordid story yet?"

"No," I say quietly, shaking my head. "I want to know about you."

He nods and runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up. Oddly, it actually looks good on him. "She said she made a mistake and she wanted me back. That she left because she just felt like she never had a chance to have fun and be young, but that she still loved me." He shakes his head. "Had she told me she was unhappy instead of just leaving, I'm sure it was something we could have worked through. She was my wife and I would have done anything for her."

"So what happened?"

"We moved into the house next door for a fresh start. I tried, for Seth's sake, but that lasted about five minutes before I realized I had no feelings left for her. Well, no positive ones, anyway. "

"I understand that." And I did, perhaps better than he realized.

"I can't abide the fact that she abandoned Seth, but I won't keep his mother from him, not if I can help it. Maggie drives Seth to school and picks him up and stays with him until I get home from work, then she leaves., and she gets one weekend a month with him. Other than that, I expect her to stay away from me."

Our dinner arrives and we're silent as our plates are placed in front of us. Once the waiter walks away Edward continues talking, but neither one of us touches our food.

"She's not good for me. I don't like to be around her and she... keeps trying to convince me we still have something when we don't. She cooks these dinners and expects that we can sit down as a family and pretend there's nothing wrong. It's frustrating. I don't want to be cruel, but she overstepped her bounds this morning and I can't let her get away with it."

"Is there really nothing left? I mean... from what you say, I imagine you would still be with her if she'd never left. Even if life isn't a picnic, you have a son together. That has to mean something." I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of him, except that I desperately want to understand how he can be so firm in his convictions when he once loved her so much.

He regards me with serious eyes. "Besides the fact that she abandoned her child, she betrayed me in the worst way one spouse can betray another. I never in a million years would have done that to her. Once I'm committed, I'm committed." He's looking at me as if he's trying to tell me something important and his intensity makes me drop my eyes.

He clears his throat and I look up–he's wearing a half-smile and sipping his wine. "I don't know. Maybe it was for the best. I probably _would_ still be with her if she'd never left, and even though I had no idea at the time that I wasn't happily married, I wasn't. Not really."

I know what he's trying to tell me. I may not be terribly experienced with dating, but I'm no fool. Maybe this _is_ for the best, because otherwise he may not have moved to the house next to mine and he may not be a part of my life. And I'm really getting used to having him around.

We start eating and the conversation smoothly transitions to our children and then to our jobs. We talk haltingly about politics during dessert and quickly realize our views jibe almost perfectly. By the time I look at my watch it's after nine o'clock and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone.

I'm not quite ready for the evening to end, but I must get home to Mae and get her to bed.

Once we get back to Edward's house it's almost ten o'clock and Maeve is asleep on the couch.

"I'll carry her next door," Edward says, picking her up before I can protest.

I thank Esme again and walk next door with Edward carrying my daughter. Thankfully she doesn't stir and he places her gently in bed. I decide to leave her in her clothes and I cover her with a blanket before we leave her room.

I walk Edward downstairs and we're standing at the door awkwardly. I don't know how to say goodnight and thank you and I'm grateful for your friendship. Edward puts a hand in his hair and looks at me nervously. And for once, I try to give him what I think he needs instead of him taking care of me.

I reach out and wind my arms around his neck and press myself close to him. It feels really nice when he hugs me back, and I even have butterflies in my stomach. I don't think that's happened since high school.

I don't know how long we stand like that, but when I pull away I kiss his cheek and thank him for taking me out.

"Any time, Bella," he says, smiling down at me. "Promise me we'll do it again."

"Absolutely," I say without thinking.

He leaves and I go to bed, but I can't sleep.

The break from my insomnia appears to be over.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews. I really appreciate you all so much.<strong>


	27. Sequel

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: sequel**

* * *

><p>Angela prescribes sleeping pills, but Maeve is still having nightmares so I don't take them for fear of not waking up if she needs me. So my insomnia continues, though some nights are better than others.<p>

My lack of sleep is making me cranky and short-tempered, which I know isn't fair to Maeve, but I can't seem to help it. My head feels cloudy and I make a mistake at work that could have been disastrous had my co-worker not caught it. My reaction time is slow and I wonder if I should even be driving, especially with Maeve in the car. I'm tempted to ask Edward to watch Maeve for a night so I can take a sleeping pill, but I don't. He's already done so much and I think that's a bit much to ask.

Instead I ask Rose if she can pick Maeve up for a few hours on Saturday, but she does me one better and asks me if Maeve can spend the night. Maeve is so excited she packs her suitcase on Wednesday night and leaves it by the front door. I don't blame her for wanting to get away from me for a little while. If I could get away from myself, I would.

I see Emmett and he lets me know the work on the porch should be finished soon. Edward's going to come help him over the weekend with some last minute details and then they can get started on the painting.

Emmett shows up bright and early on Saturday morning while Maeve is sitting in front of the television with a bowl of cereal. I've had two hours sleep and I think I understand what a zombie must feel like; I have zero brain power and I'm running on pure instinct and caffeine.

I bring Emmett a cup of coffee just as Edward shows up. "You look exhausted, Bella," Emmett says. "Long night?"

"Something like that," I say, looking over at Edward. He looks so concerned but I just shake my head slightly and go in to get him a cup of coffee.

He and Emmett get to work and I straighten the house and start a load of laundry.

I hear Rose on the porch at around noon and I wonder why she doesn't come in right away. I know immediately why when I peek my head out. Emmett has his hand on her back and she's looking up at him with a huge smile on her face. Something she's said has made him laugh and she leans into him slightly.

I clear my throat and smile at Rose, who blushes as she looks at me while Emmett steps away from her like they're teenagers who just got caught fooling around in the basement.

Once I have Rose inside, I cross my arms over my chest and arch an eyebrow.

"I was going to tell you," she says, holding her hands up. "But I wanted to be sure first. The last thing I need is a Royce sequel."

"And?"

"He's wonderful," she says, sighing a little. "I mean, it's only been a few weeks, but he's so sweet and attentive and we have the most amazing chemistry. I've never met anyone like him."

"I'm happy for you," I say. And I mean it. Royce did a number on her and she deserves to be happy.

I hug Maeve tightly as she and Rose get ready to leave. I've never voluntarily been away from her for a night and I'm anxious about letting her go. "Be good for Aunt Rose," I say. "Mind your manners and don't give her a hard time."

"Okay, Mama," she says, hugging me back and kissing me on the cheek.

I let her go and pull Rose aside. "She has nightmares. It's not every night, but I wanted you to know, just in case."

She nods and smiles. "I'll take good care of her, I promise."

"I know you will." I'm still wary about letting her go, but I know she'll be in good hands.

She and Maeve leave for their sleep-over and I try to nap, but to no avail. Emmett leaves a couple of hours later and Edward finds me in the living room, zoned out on the couch watching an old movie. I'm so out of it I'm not even sure what it is.

He sits down next to me; he smells good and looks like he just got out of the shower. "Did you go home?" I ask.

"Yeah, I wanted to clean up. Seth's with his mother for the night and I thought maybe since the kids were both away you might want to have dinner or something." He looks shy and unsure and as tired as I am, I say yes. I like being around him.

We get up and go to the kitchen to forage for dinner.

I'm feeling a little dizzy from lack of sleep and too much caffeine so I reach out for the kitchen counter with a trembling hand. Edward appears next to me and puts a gentle hand on my back. "What's going on with you?" Edward asks softly

I turn and wrap my arms around him, burying my head in his chest. His strong arms come around me and he kisses the top of my head as tears leak from my eyes.

I'm so, so tired.

* * *

><p><strong>I can't believe I got this one out tonight. Sorry for any errors. I think I'm going to pass out now.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.**


	28. Block

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: block**

* * *

><p>I don't know how long I stand there letting him hold and comfort me, I only know it's not long enough. I don't know if it ever will be.<p>

He puts a hand on the side of my face and tilts my head up. "Talk to me. Please."

I rest my forehead on his chest and both his hands weave gently through my hair. I want to block out the rest of the world and stay just like this forever. "I'm just tired," I mumble.

"I've seen tired, Bella. This is more than just tired."

I nod and look up at him. "It's insomnia, I guess. It's been a few weeks."

"You look even more exhausted than you did last week," he says, running his thumbs under my eyes. "Have you been sleeping at all?"

"Not really," I say, taking a shaky breath. I wish he would hold me again.

He takes my hand and leads me back to the living room where he seats us on the couch. "Have you told your doctor? Maybe she can give you sleeping pills."

I shake my head. "She did give me pills, but I'm afraid I won't wake up if Maeve needs me." My voice is barely above a whisper and I wonder if he can hear me at all. "She's still having nightmares."

"Why didn't you call me? I would have taken her for a night." He sounds almost angry and that just makes me cry. He pulls me back into his embrace and I hold onto him for dear life. I feel like I'm falling apart and at this very moment he's the only thing holding me together.

I listen to the steady beat of his heart while I calm down and stop crying. "I'm sorry," I say.

"You have no reason to be," he tells me, rubbing his hand up and down my back. It's so soothing. "Just... let me help you. Please."

I already feel myself drifting off in his embrace so I just nod. He continues to rub my back and my eyes flutter closed. I'm vaguely aware of him shifting me somehow, but I don't protest since I still feel him close.

* * *

><p>I wake up in my bed, which is normal, but that there are arms around me is decidedly atypical. I take a moment to get my bearings and vaguely recall my breakdown of the night before. I don't remember anything after I threw myself in Edward's arms in the kitchen, but now we're in my bed together. My head in on his chest and his arms are holding me tightly, even in sleep.<p>

I think maybe I should wake him up and find out what happened, but we're fully clothed and really, I don't want to move. It's still dark and I'm so comfortable I just close my eyes and enjoy feeling warm and secure.

* * *

><p>When I wake up again it's no longer dark, I smell coffee, and I'm alone. I'm also more coherent and aware than I've been in what feels like weeks. I freshen up in the bathroom and then go downstairs. Edward is in my kitchen, standing at the coffee pot, and my face flushes when I realize I'm actually about to face him after the way I behaved last night.<p>

He turns and smiles at me. "Good morning. I made coffee, I hope that's okay."

"It's fine." I touch my hair self consciously. "I'm really sorry." I haven't moved from the doorway, a little unsure about where Edward and I stand and exactly what happened last night.

"Why are you apologizing?" Edward asks, looking somewhat confused and disappointed.

"I'm not really sure," I say honestly, walking tentatively into the kitchen. "I don't remember everything from last night."

"Oh." Now I definitely see disappointment in his expression and it makes me feel awful. I've obviously forgotten something significant and I've made him feel bad. I hope I didn't purposely block it out and it's just a consequence of my complete exhaustion.

I walk fully into my kitchen and grab a mug from the cabinet. He watches me pour coffee and then I sit at the table and motion for him to join me. I want to right whatever I've done to make him unhappy.

"What happened?" I ask as he take a seat next to me.

"You were really tired," he says with a half smile.

"That much I remember." I return his smile and bring my mug to my lips. The hot liquid feels good sliding down my throat and it further clears my head.

"Do you remember falling asleep on the couch?"

"I don't recall much of anything after hugging you in the kitchen." I try really hard not to look away as I say this because I somehow know this will make him feel worse. He's never once made me feel like any physical affection we shared was something he didn't want and there is no reason either one of us should feel guilty or weird.

And the honest part of my heart knows I've felt just a little differently about Edward ever since I learned he wasn't married. I've tried hard not think about it, and being so tired I could barely string two words together certainly helped. But it's there, whether I'm ready to fully acknowledge it on a conscious level or not.

"I stayed on the couch with you for a while. There was a Red Sox game on, so it wasn't a hardship." He's smiling again and I can almost feel the subtle shift in our relationship from just yesterday.

"Then I carried you upstairs to your bedroom, but... well, you wouldn't let me leave."

I stop the coffee cup halfway to my mouth. "What?"

Edward scratches the back of his neck and a little of the discomfort is back. But just a little. "You, um... grabbed my shirt and told me you couldn't sleep without me."

* * *

><p><strong>Don't worry, there will be a continuation of this conversation in the next chapter.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews. Sorry I haven't answered in a couple of days. I've been overwhelmed with some stuff.**


	29. Shifty

**Not betad, but the lovely and talented Just4ALE helped me tighten up this chapter, for which I'm grateful. Besides being a good friend, she's a kick-ass author. Have you read **_**Tunes with Tony Masen**_**? It's a great story and has one of my favorite lines ever in fanfic. Link in my faves.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: shifty**

* * *

><p>"I said that?" Now I really am embarrassed. I've known for a while that Edward made me feel calm and secure, but for my subconscious to let <em>him <em>know that is something else entirely.

"Yeah, you said, um, you couldn't sleep without me and asked me to stay with you." He's stumbling over his words a little, but he doesn't look embarrassed. "Are you angry that I stayed?"

"No! No, not at all. It was the best night's sleep I've had in weeks," I admit. "I'm just... I'm sorry."

"Again, you have no reason to apologize. Why are you?" He looks genuinely curious, as if asking a friend to hold me while I sleep is standard operating procedure.

"Because asking you to sleep with me is wildly inappropriate."

"It's not," he says quietly. "I care about you, Bella. Very much." His eyes don't waver from mine and as he speaks and suddenly what he's trying to tell me is crystal clear.

"Why?" I blurt out. "I'm a widow with a kid who can barely keep it together." I'm genuinely curious as to what he sees in me. He's handsome and sweet and smart, he's got a good career and he's a wonderful father. He could have just about anyone he wants.

"Maybe that's part of the reason why." He shrugs, but there's no question in his voice. "I used to see you with Maeve sometimes before we met. You're a good mother, and maybe considering everything that's happened to me, that's what initially attracted me to you."

"Attracted... Edward, I'm not a good mother." I can't believe that's the thing that would ever make a man like Edward want someone like me.

"You don't see what I see. You don't see that you constantly have a reassuring hand on her, that when she's not next to you your eyes always seek her out. I know, Bella, that she's the reason you get out of bed on so many mornings."

I look down and try to absorb what he's saying. He's right about Maeve being my reason for getting out of bed some days, but I hadn't realized any of the other things he was saying. Ever since Jasper died I'd often felt like a failure with Maeve.

Jasper was the affectionate one, the one who played games with her, took her to the movies, and explained why Wonder Woman was far superior to Barbie. Me? I fed her and bathed her and made sure she was in bed on time.

I tried to pick up the slack after he died, but I was convinced it wasn't enough. Maybe I wasn't seeing things as clearly as I thought I was.

Still, the more pertinent topic at hand seems to be that Edward has feelings for me. This is making me feel jumbled up inside, but not in a wholly unpleasant way. I just have no idea what any of this means and I'm not sure how to handle it.

"I can't... I'm not sure if I..." I'm getting shifty in my seat, not knowing what to do or how to behave. "I feel... something. I'm just not sure I'm ready to..."

He looks at me, a small smile on his face. "Remember when I told you Maggie was my first everything?"

I nod and take a sip of coffee from my mug, relieved he's taking the reins of the conversation. The coffee is tepid now, but it gives me something to do.

"She was also my _only_ in many things. Even when she was gone I was so focused on Seth I couldn't fathom putting energy into anyone else. You're the only other woman besides her I've been interested in since I was seventeen years old."

I swallow, hard, and regard him silently. He looks completely sincere and serious. He wants me, even after my bouts of crazy and stubbornness and depression.

"But I'm..." I shake my head and try to find a way to explain myself. "How can you think I'd ever be good for you? I struggle to make it through so many days. What could I possibly offer you?"

"You may struggle, but you're also kind and generous, you're patient and gentle with both of our children, and you make me laugh. You have such strength and determination in you, Bella. I know you're still grieving, but I see glimpses of a woman so full of life and joy. I think you're extraordinary." He stops and looks at me for a long moment. "You're also the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

I flush and my heart starts to beat wildly in my chest. No man has looked at me like that for a long, long time. I tear my gaze away from his and look out the back window.

"I know you're not ready, but I'll wait, Bella. I'll wait as long as it takes. Just please tell me there's something to wait for."

My heart is still beating rapidly and I feel like I should say no. That it could be years before I have my act together and can offer him any sort of relationship. That he should go find a nice, normal woman who can take care of him the way he deserves.

I glance over at him as he waits patiently for me to respond. He's laid it all out on the line and I want so badly to reassure him, but I don't know what to say.

"Bella, is there something for me to wait for?"

My head is telling me no, but it's my heart that speaks for me. "Yes, there is."

* * *

><p><strong>Before anyone gets any funny ideas, there's still a way to go yet.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.**


	30. Harmony

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: harmony**

* * *

><p>I can't sleep the night I asked Edward to wait for me. I thought I would somehow feel more settled and comfortable, but I don't. The weight of expectation sits on my chest and I can't seem to shake it.<p>

I toss and turn until two o'clock in the morning and then do something I know I shouldn't, but I can't seem to help myself as I pick up my phone and dial Edward. He picks up on the second ring with a sleepy "hello".

"Hi. I'm so sorry I woke you," I say. If I was really sorry I suppose I wouldn't have called him at two in the morning, but that seems beside the point.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he asks, suddenly sounding very alert.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I just... before, when we were talking... what if I'd said no, Edward?"

He's silent for too long and I'm sure it's because he's going to give me the answer I've been dreading. So what he says next surprises me. "Meet me outside. Between our houses. Right now." His voice isn't exactly demanding, but I wouldn't dream of refusing him.

We disconnect, I check on Mae quickly and find her sleeping soundly, and I walk outside barefoot and in my pajamas. He's already there, waiting for me, pacing and running his hand through his hair. He's wearing black sleep pants and a tight gray t-shirt and despite my anxiety, I notice how good sleep rumpled looks on him. Just like everything else does, really.

He stops pacing when he sees my approach and I see that he's taken two chairs from his porch so we have a place to sit. He's even considerate in the middle of the night.

"Hi," he says, motioning to one of the chairs.

I sit with my hands under my thighs and look out into the night. It's warm, but there's a slight breeze and the sky is so clear there are stars as far as the eye can see.

"What happened?" Edward asks.

I look over at him and shake my head. "I don't know. I started thinking and my mind got away from me and I couldn't get the thought out of my head. I'm sorry."

"What thought?"

"The thought that if I'd said there wasn't something to wait for you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore."

He takes an audible breath and scratches his face. I can hear his nails against the scruff on his cheek and it's comforting somehow.

I glance over at him and he's staring out into the street, a look of almost disbelief on his face. "I don't know what to say, Bella. Do you really think I would just... abandon you? Forsake our friendship because you weren't interested in me the same way I was in you?"

"I don't know," I say. I suddenly feel like crying.

He sighs and looks over at me, but doesn't say anything. I'd give just about anything to know what he's thinking.

"Did you say there was something to wait for in order to maintain our friendship, or because you thought it was what I wanted to hear? Or did you really mean it?"

Now it's my turn to stare in disbelief. "Of course I meant it."

"I'm not perfect, Bella. I have doubts and fears just like everyone else. I thought after spending the night together we were... I don't know... closer? But if you want to go back and pretend our conversation this morning never happened, we can do that." He doesn't sound happy and it tears at me that I made him feel this way. "I won't stop being your friend." His voice drops to a whisper. "I could never do that."

"I don't want that," I insist. "I just thought... I don't know what I was thinking." Tears are falling from my eyes and all I want to do is crawl into his lap and have him hold me so I won't feel so wretched anymore.

"Please don't cry," he says, grabbing at his hair. "I don't want to make you unhappy and if that's what this is going to do to you, I'd rather we just forget it."

"I don't want that."

"I don't know what to do right now, Bella. Please tell me what to do."

"I'm such a mess," I say, wiping my nose on my sleeve. "I'm ruining everything."

"You're not ruining anything. I understand your need to go slowly and that this might be hard for you. I never meant to pressure you."

"You're _not_ pressuring me. I'm doing this to myself." I sit there sniffling and feeling like a fool for dragging him out here in the middle of the night for no reason.

I look over at him and I ask the question that's really been plaguing me since this morning. "What if I'm never ready?"

He shrugs. "I'm not in a rush. I want you in my life and I'll take whatever I can get."

I want to take back everything I've said tonight but I can't and I don't think I've ever felt this awful, even during my worst times with Jasper.

"Would you come over here, please?" he asks, holding his arms out.

I crawl into his lap and he holds me while I cry.

"Nothing has to change," he whispers. "You take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere." He rubs a soothing hand up and down my back. "If you had said no I would have been disappointed. And then I would have tried to change your mind. I don't give up that easily. Not when something is this important."

I rest my head on his chest and soak in every ounce of comfort he's offering me. I wonder if I'll ever be able to do enough to repay him.

I believe for the first time in a long time that it may be possible for me to be happy again. That there can be harmony in my life instead of chaos.

It may take me a long time to get there, but knowing what's waiting for me on the other side is certainly incentive.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the lack of an update yesterday. Anyone who follows my ramblings on Twitter knows this chapter was a challenge for me. Mostly because the first three versions weren't <strong>_**this**_**. At all. But I think this was necessary and what I was missing.**

****How did this thing get to 30 chapters? Thanks to everyone who reads. Without you, there would be no reason to continue writing this.****

Thank you for your kind reviews. Next update will probably be on Monday.


	31. Priority

**Not betad, but Songster helped me with this chapter because she's lovely and generous with her time.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: priority**

* * *

><p>I'm meeting with Kate today to discuss Maeve's progress. I've already had my session with Angela, which centered around my inability to sleep. My insomnia is slightly better, but I still need help. She and I discussed some relaxation techniques and I'm considering signing up for a yoga class in town. I didn't tell her I have a personal sleeping pill living next door. I didn't know quite how to explain my current relationship with Edward, nor did I want her asking exactly why I thought I needed to wait for us to begin any sort of relationship that goes beyond friendship.<p>

It's been two weeks since my middle of the night meeting with Edward and nothing has drastically changed. Not outwardly, anyway. Inwardly, I feel different, especially when I'm around him. We've seen each other a few times with the children, once for swimming at Edward's and a couple of times for dinner. I feel good and happy and comfortable with him. I'd felt these things before, but it's more pronounced now.

I'm not sure what I was expecting out of therapy, but sessions with Angela are almost like sitting with a friend. I talk about my week, issues I have at work, my sleeping problems, and my daughter. I'm learning to set realistic expectations for both me and Maeve, and to make both of our needs a priority. I'm also learning to try to not beat myself up for the mistakes I make. It's not easy, but I'm trying to understand that I can't be both mother and father to her. I can only be who I am and love her the best I can every day.

Kate tells me Maeve is opening up about Jasper, slowly but surely, and asks me if Maeve ever brings him up at home.

"No," I say, shaking my head.

"Do you?" she asks.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat and shake my head again. "Not really."

"I'd like you to try to draw her out more about her father. She seems reluctant to talk about him and I think talking to you will help our process here."

I take a deep breath and nod. I know I've let my own issues with Jasper cloud how I deal with Maeve's grief. I'm the reason she's reluctant to talk about him and I tell Kate this.

"Is this something you're ready to change?" she asks. "I realize you have your own sessions here and I don't want to interfere. You can certainly speak with Angela first."

"That's not necessary. I'm ready," I say quickly. "I'll do whatever I have to do for Maeve."

Kate explains that Maeve doesn't have the same coping skills as an adult and needs me, especially, to help her come to terms with Jasper's death. I get the feeling Kate wants to say I should have done this a long time ago, but perhaps that's my guilt talking.

It's not until later in the week that I have the nerve to sit with her and launch iPhoto on my MacBook so we can look at old pictures. I figure this is a good way to open up a dialogue. Whether I'm ready or not.

I let Maeve scroll through the photos. She asks questions about where a certain photo was taken, points and laughs at pictures of herself from when she was a baby, and gets quiet once we get to the photos where it's obvious Jasper is sick. What I see, though I hope she doesn't, is the photographic evidence of the gradual deterioration of not only my husband, but of my marriage.

By the time she's finished she's quiet and thoughtful and I'm ready to jump out of my skin. But I hold myself together because this isn't about me.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" I ask her as I tuck her into bed. Part of me is praying she'll say no because I'm not sure how much more I can handle after the pictures, but I conjure up what I hope is an encouraging smile for her.

"What was Daddy's favorite color?"

"Red."

"What was his job?" I wonder if she truly doesn't remember, or just wants to talk, and then I decide it doesn't matter.

"He was in sales, honey."

"What did he sell?"

"He sold medicines to doctors so they could help people feel better." I can hear my voice getting strained and I purposely perk it up and hope Maeve doesn't notice. "Remember when you were sick last year with that earache and the doctor gave us medicine?"

She nods and looks at me thoughtfully. "Well, the company that makes that medicine sends salespeople all over to offer it to doctors, so that can give it to little girls just like you and make you all better."

She yawns and rubs her eyes and I'm so grateful she's tired. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I kiss her goodnight and practically run for my phone.

"I need... Is Seth asleep? Can you meet me?" I ask when Edward answers my call.

"I'll be right there."

I walk to our spot between our houses and don't waste any time throwing myself in his arms.

"What happened?" he whispers.

I shake my head and hold him tighter. I can't talk about these things that plague me that I've never discussed with anyone–not Rose or my parents or Angela.

So how can I tell Edward?

* * *

><p><strong>So, I burned my hand today taking a quiche out of the oven. Yep, I'm a grown woman and can't seem to function properly around a hot oven. Go figure.<strong>

**Anyway, typing has been a challenge, but I'll do the best I can to get the updates out this week. **

**Thank you for your patience and your continued support.**


	32. Overgrown

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Overgrown**

* * *

><p>Edward and I sit in the grass for a while, between his manicured lawn and my overgrown mess. He holds my hand and doesn't ask again what happened. His patience continues to astound me.<p>

"We were just looking at some old pictures," I tell him eventually. I think he looks a little hurt but it's dark and I can't be sure.

"It's not because I miss him," I blurt out. I immediately regret it. Not because I don't want Edward to be reassured that I'm not pining for someone else, but because I've opened myself up to a follow-up question I don't want to answer. I'm usually much more careful.

But instead of pursuing the line of questioning I assume he will, he starts to tell me a story. "I remember maybe a handful of days my birth mother was actually lucid after she started drinking. It would be as if she had an epiphany and she would pour her liquor down the drain and swear to me that she was going to quit for good. I stopped believing her eventually.

"Anyway, there was this one time she was sober; I remember it was spring, but other than that all I can recall is I came home from school and the house was clean and she'd cooked dinner for us."

I move closer to him and put my other hand on his leg. His voice is steady but I can't imagine this is easy for him. "I didn't always know how to handle her when she had these moments of clarity, but I tried to take it in stride. She was so chatty at dinner and afterward insisted that we look through old photo albums. We stayed up late talking about Dad and looking at pictures. She even tucked me into bed." He sighs and holds my hand tighter. "She must have gone out while I was asleep because there were empty liquor bottles in the living room the next morning. She shouted at me, telling me I was a bad kid and asking me why I'd forced her to relive memories of my father." He clears his throat and his voice drops. "She'd torn up every picture we had in the house. There wasn't even one left and to this day, I don't have a picture of my mother or father."

I get up on my knees and put my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry," I whisper.

He lets me hold him for a minute before pulling away. "It's okay. It was a long time ago."

I sit back down next to him and take his hand again. "What about Esme? She must have some pictures of her sister or of you when you were a kid, before your father died."

He shakes his head and looks down. "I'm sure she does, but I've never asked. I was too resentful for so many years and then I started to get more curious after Seth was born. I just didn't want to rock the boat or hurt her or Carlisle's feelings."

"Do you really think they would mind?" I ask curiously.

"Maybe. I don't know." He shakes his head again. "She's still out there, you know. I guess she could be dead, but I suspect I would have found out if she was. I don't want Esme to ever feel like she's not my mother or Seth's grandmother."

I nod, though knowing how Esme feels about Edward I can't imagine she would deny him anything. But then I don't understand the mind-set of an adoptive parent. I suspect part of them always fears losing their child, whether physically or emotionally.

I kiss his cheek and rest my head on his shoulder, feeling really lucky that he's part of my life.

"My point in telling you that story is to show you how very good you are with Maeve. The photos obviously upset you, for whatever reason, but you showed her anyway. And I'm going to guess you held it together for her and didn't break down about it until you met me out here."

I nod but don't say anything.

"You're doing great," he whispers.

I don't argue. Maybe I think "great" is too strong a word, but as compared to Edward's mother, I suppose I'm doing okay.

We sit silently for a while and it's so relaxing and confortable I feel like I can stay like this forever.

"My birthday is in a few weeks," he finally says.

"Really?" I say, smiling up at him.

"Yes, ma'am. I don't like to make a big deal, but Carlisle and Esme do, so I figured I'd have just a few people at the house. Will you and Maeve come? It'll be during the day so she and Seth can go swimming."

He sounds nervous and hopeful at the same time, and I tell him yes even though I'm a little anxious. I haven't been to a party in a long time. But this is a small thing I can do for him after everything he's done for me.

It's well into the night when we get up to say goodbye. "I'm sorry if I kept you up late," I say, standing a little awkwardly and looking up at him. He's tall–taller than Jasper. I like it.

"It's not that late. Think you'll be able to sleep?"

"Definitely." While my insomnia is a little better in general, being around Edward always calms my mind and allows me to relax.

Edward looks down at me and runs gentle fingers under my eyes. And there it is again, that feeling in the air, the one that almost crackles in its intensity. My chest feels heavy, my stomach is tight, and my breathing is shallow.

For the first time, I really want Edward to kiss me.

Our gazes lock and I can tell he feels it too. It's in the way his eyes search mine, the way his chest rises and falls against me, the trembling of his hand that's still against my cheek, and the tightening of the hand that's on my hip.

I'm not exactly frightened, but I'm unsure of the right thing to do. Our interaction is so intimate in so many ways–except physically. I don't know if this is the right next move or if this is too fast.

Once again, Edward saves me. He closes his eyes briefly, gives me a long, lingering kiss on my forehead, and steps back from me, though I can tell it's reluctantly.

I take a deep breath and look directly at him. "Thank you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says with a sad smile. "I'm not."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for all of your kind wishes about my hand. It's better, but not great yet. I'm getting there.<strong>

**And so is Bella.**

**Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews.**


	33. Round

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Round**

* * *

><p>The next few weeks pass quickly. Maeve and I see Edward and Seth a few times a week, we continue our therapy sessions, and life goes on as it always has. Every few days over dinner I try to draw Maeve out about her father. She's receptive most of the time but tends to ask more questions than she answers. I don't want to push her too hard so I let it go.<p>

Edward and I meet between our houses at night sometimes to talk, but it's not always about me. Maggie has been trying to assert her parental rights, though legally at this point she has none. But she's threatening to go to court unless he's more flexible about the time she gets to spend with Seth. More than anything, he doesn't want to upset Seth so he's trying to be reasonable and hoping she'll be willing to compromise.

I always sleep better on the nights I see Edward.

The work on the porch is finished and it costs me even less than Emmett originally estimated. When I question him about it he just shrugs and tells me Edward took on a lot of the labor and that allowed him to keep costs down. I'm dubious, and I suspect I've gotten the materials at cost, but I don't argue this kindness anymore. I'm able to pay outright, something I never dreamed I'd be able to do, and I choose to be grateful instead of difficult.

I decide very early on what I want to give Edward for his birthday. It takes a phone call and a trip across town and I have almost everything I need. I spend a little time on it each night after Mae goes to bed and have it finished in time for his birthday. I'm still nervous about the party, but feel much better about it after Rose tells me she and Emmett will be there.

I put Mae in her bathing suit and we go to Edward's the day of his party. I'm anxious at having to be around what I assume will be a crowd of people. I'm not completely socially inept, but strangers ask questions when they're making small talk.

When we get to Edward's, however, the only people I see are Rose and Emmett. "Are we early?" I ask Edward as Mae runs for the pool and Seth, who's being thrown into the pool by Emmett.

"No, why?"

"I expected a few more people, that's all." I hear Mae squeal and look over to her flying through the air and into the pool. I don't breathe again until she surfaces. I resist the urge to go over there and put a stop to what's going on. She's having fun and me being overprotective will only make us both miserable.

"This is everyone I invited," Edward says, reaching into the cooler and grabbing a beer. "Plus my mom and dad. They're inside getting the food." I take the beer when he hands it to me and wonder about his guest list. He's a business owner and has lived in this town for almost twenty years and I have no doubt he knows a ton of people. When he said he wanted to keep it small, I assumed that would mean twenty-five people, not eight.

"There you are," Rose says, coming over to give me a hug. "I was about to come over and get you."

I point my beer bottle toward Emmett. "He's good with the kids."

Rose blushes and takes a sip of her beer. "Yeah, he is," she says.

I widen my eyes in question but she doesn't say anything. I suspect this relationship has gotten very serious, very quickly.

"Bella. So good to see you," Esme says, walking out of the house with a tray of food. She places it on the round serving table and comes over to give me a peck on the cheek. "How are you, dear?"

"I'm good, thank you."

Carlisle appears behind Esme and reaches over to shake my hand. "Bella, you're looking well." His expression belies his words as he looks at me with some concern. I place my free hand under my eye self-consciously.

Edward places a hand on my shoulder. "You look beautiful," he says.

I look down at the light summer dress I chose and feel a blush heat my cheeks. Even among so few people I've somehow become the center of attention. But Edward's hand tightens briefly on my shoulder and I look up to find he's the only one looking at me. Rose has wandered off to the pool and Carlisle and Esme are discussing the food.

It looks like I'm the center of only one person's attention. And I find I don't mind that at all.

Edward smiles at me and I rest my hand on his. I like when he looks at me like this, like I'm the only thing in the world that matters.

"Well, I still have a salad to make," Esme announces. "Bella, would you mind giving me a hand?"

I look quickly over at Maeve, who's in the shallow end of the pool with Seth. "I'll keep an eye on her," Rose calls to me when she sees me staring. I nod and follow Esme into the house.

"Thanks," she says, walking over to the counter. "Carlisle is usually an excellent sous chef but he has to get the grill started."

"That's okay," I say, joining her and grabbing a tomato and a knife. "I like helping."

She nods and starts putting lettuce in a bowl. "How did everything work out with Edward's gift?"

"Really well, I think. Thank you for everything you did."

"It was my pleasure. I'm sure he's going to love it."

"I didn't bring it. I figured I'd give it to him later."

She stops what she's doing and looks at me. "I still think it's a good idea, just please don't leave him alone after you give it to him."

I gasp audibly, almost offended at her insinuation. Almost. She obviously loves Edward to distraction and just wants to protect him. Just like I would do for Maeve. "I would never do that," I assure her.

She takes a breath and gives me a small smile. "I know, I'm sorry."

"No need to be," I say. "I understand. I'm a mother too." I put the cut tomatoes in the bowl and rinse my hands.

The back door slides open and Edward walks in, looking nervously from me to Esme. Esme grabs the salad bowl and walks toward him. "If you'll excuse me," she says, walking past Edward and out the door.

Edward slides the door closed behind her and turns to me. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he says, walking toward me. He stops in front of where I'm leaning back into the counter, his hands in his pockets. "You're beautiful and I didn't want you feeling self-conscious about looking tired."

"So I do look tired," I say.

"No, you look like a beautiful woman who happens to be behind on her sleep," he answers with a smile.

I smile back and feel a small weight lift from my chest.

"Come outside with me," he says, holding out his hand.

I slip my hand into his and we walk outside.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.<strong>

**My hand is getting better, thanks for all of your nice wishes.**


	34. Solitude

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt:** Solitude

* * *

><p>I'm having a really nice afternoon. Maeve is off enjoying herself with Seth and Emmett in the pool, Carlisle and Esme are fussing over the food, and Edward has a constant smile on his face. I like seeing him so happy. It puts me at ease and allows me to sit back and appreciate a nice afternoon with friends.<p>

"You look happy," Rose says. She's sitting next to me sipping a beer and looking very pleased.

My eyes travel over to Edward, who's talking with Esme. He's smiling down at her and she places a hand on his cheek as she says something to him I can't hear.

"I am," I say.

"Are you and Edward..." She turns her hand over as if that's the universal sign for something. Though I know what she means and I don't pretend otherwise.

"We're friends. Good friends." I know I'm deflecting slightly, but at this point there's no other way to define our relationship.

I glance over at her and she has a contemplative look on her face. "Why isn't it more?" she asks. "The way you look at each other... God, he adores you, Bella."

I nod and look down at my hands but stay silent.

"You care about him too," she continues.

I nod again, because there's no denying it, and look over at Edward. It appears I've missed something because there's a stranger on the edge of the yard and he's handing Edward a clipboard and a pen. I want to get up to investigate but I'm not sure it's my place. Edward signs the paper and then looks over at me, smiles, and cocks his head to the side, indicating that I should join him.

Rose smirks at me as I get up to go to him. I roll my eyes and walk over to Edward, who leads me out the back gate to the side of the house.

"I bought myself a birthday present," he says, standing behind me and resting his hands lightly on my shoulders.

It's a swing. A large free standing porch swing that's now sitting on the edge of his property, very close to the spot where we meet at night. It's steel and wicker and the cushion is a bright blue. There's enough room for two.

"Do you like it?" he asks, the slightest tremble in his voice. "You can see Mae's window from here." He points to my house and sure enough, the way the swing is angled allows me to see the window to her room.

He puts his hand back on my shoulder as I turn to him, a smile on my face. "I love it," I say. And I do. The way he thinks about me–about us–continues to amaze me. "Maybe we can try it out later."

"I look forward to it," he says with a soft smile. He takes my hand and leads me back to the party.

The rest of the day is very nice. We eat, talk, laugh, and play with the children. By the time we have cake both Maeve and Seth are nodding off from a long day at the pool, so Edward puts Seth to bed and I lay Maeve down in the guest room. Maybe Edward can carry her home later.

We have some adult time around a small fire pit in the backyard. I sit next to Edward and with my legs under me. The night is cool, especially since I'm still in my sundress, but the fire feels nice.

We talk about adult things like politics and families and our jobs. Edward's firm is finishing up a new wing at Boston Medical Center where Carlisle is the Chief of Surgery. There's going to be a ribbon cutting ceremony in two weeks and Carlisle and Esme seem to be looking forward to it. Edward gets quiet when it's mentioned, which is curious. He's never usually reticent when talking about his work.

The subject changes quickly and before I know it we're talking about a difficult client of Emmett's. I like seeing Rose and Emmett together–they have this amazing vibe about them. It's obvious the relationship is new but they seem to have the comfort level of a well-established couple. Like Carlisle and Esme, who look at each other as if they have whole conversations with their eyes.

I sigh softly and Edward reaches for my hand. "You all right?" he asks quietly.

I smile widely and squeeze his hand. "Fine." And I am. Because I should fell left out sitting here with these happy couples, but I don't. And I like it. Especially after my long, self-imposed solitude.

The party breaks up a while later and while Edward is seeing his guests out, I start to clean up. When Edward comes back he grabs my hand and shakes his head. "Let's go sit."

I nod and follow him to the swing. "I actually have something for you. For your birthday. I'm going to go get it."

"Really?" He looks so genuinely pleased and surprised that my stomach flips over. I like making him happy.

"Really," I say, turning and heading for my house. I grab his gift quickly and then head back outside.

It's dark out and I'm worried he might not be able to see it, but I think there's enough light from the porch and backyard. I hope there is.

I meet him back at the swing and sit next to him, handing him the unwrapped gift.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry I didn't update yesterday. My day was a perfect storm of everything that could prevent me from writing.<strong>

**I'll try to update over the weekend as I'll be stuck inside while Irene makes her presence felt.**

**Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.**


	35. Adjust

**Here's a short chapter in honor of that jerk, Irene.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Adjust**

* * *

><p>I give him the book I made and he lays it in his lap, looking from it to me and back again. I seat myself nervously and adjust myself next to him on the swing. I sit with my legs under me so I'm a little higher than normal and can look down at the book with him.<p>

"What's this?" he asks, running his fingers over the plain blue cover.

"I made it," I say, though I know that doesn't really answer his question.

But he accepts my explanation with a nod and opens the book. I hear him swallow loudly when he sees the first page. It's a baby picture of Edward next to one of Seth. They look remarkably alike as newborns, as now. He flips to the next page slowly and I move closer to him, putting my arm around the back of the swing.

"Esme gave me the pictures," I say as he stares at a picture of his birth mother holding him minutes after he was born. She's smiling and happy and looking at her son with such love I have a hard time picturing the woman Edward describes to me. "I thought you might like to have them and maybe show Seth some day." He still doesn't say anything and his silence is making me nervous. "Esme didn't seem upset. She said she wanted you to have them."

He nods again and moves his head so it's resting against my chest as he continues to flip through the photographs of his childhood. He turns the pages in silence, but I can feel his breathing change when he gets to certain pictures and I place my hand gently in his hair to comfort him.

He seems less agitated when we come to the photos taken after he came to live with Carlisle and Esme. I come to know him so well over these past weeks and I know Esme and Carlisle have had more impact on the man he is today than his birth parents. They deserve to be included in Edward's photographic history, maybe even more so than his biological parents.

He smiles at a few of the later pictures and frowns when he sees I've included some of him with Maggie. But she was part of his life, and because of the connection they share, always will be.

The last picture in the book is one of Edward holding a newborn Seth. Edward obviously didn't know the picture was being taken and he's looking at his son in complete awe. I don't know if he realizes it, but he looks at Seth that way to this day.

He closes the book with a snap. He still hasn't said anything and now my nerves are getting the best of me. I think maybe I've made a terrible mistake and over-stepped my boundaries. He lifts his head from my chest and looks at me, speaking for the first time since he opened the book. "Why is your heart beating so fast all of a sudden?"

"Is it okay? Getting the photos for you and making the album?"

He moves so near to me our noses are almost touching. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face and I shiver at his closeness.

"I really need to kiss you right now," he says, his eyes so intense my heart skips a beat. "Please don't say no." He runs a hand across my cheek and through my hair and I nod. My stomach is fluttering and part of me is terrified, but I want this. I want him to kiss me and love me and make me his.

When his lips touch mine, so soft and pliant, yet leading me the whole way, I'm literally left breathless. I grab his hair and whimper into his mouth when it opens. His tongue is as soft as his lips and it moves so gently and slowly, barely touching mine. My legs are shaking and my stomach is flipping wildly but it feels so, so good.

I've never felt anything like this. I'm sure if he asked me, in that moment, I'd bring this further. But he doesn't. He kisses me softly once more and pulls away, rubbing my hair between his fingers and resting his forehead against mine.

"Thank you," he says, his voice as soft and gentle as a breeze. He puts his head back on my chest and I thread my fingers through his hair. We rock gently on the swing for a long time.

"This is the best birthday I've ever had," he whispers.

* * *

><p><strong>That was as close as I could get to describing the first kiss I shared with my husband. Now you all know why I married him.<strong>

**Anyone out there whose best kiss was with someone they_ didn't_ end up with?**

**Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews. Irene is here and I may or may not lose power, but I hope to be back and posting on Monday or Tuesday of next week.**

**I sometimes chatter about this story on Twitter: jenndema.**


	36. Deluge

**Sorry for the delay in posting. See a/n at the end for future update information.**

**Not betad.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Prompt: deluge**

* * *

><p>I tell Angela about Edward during our next session. The deluge of emotion I've been feeling since Edward and I kissed is unsettling. I spent so much time convincing myself I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I'm not sure that's true anymore, or if denying myself is what I want.<p>

"Do you want more than friendship with Edward?" Angela asks.

I bite my lip, unsure of how to answer.

"There's no right or wrong answer," she assures me.

I nod and try, for once, to be honest about how I feel. "I care about him. A lot. I'm just… afraid."

"Of?"

Now I wish I hadn't said anything. So I give half an answer. "I'm worried for Mae. About her getting close to someone who may leave. I don't want her to go through that again." This is true, but not the only reason the idea of a relationship with Edward terrifies me.

"They're already close from what you tell me, and if you and he stay just friends I'd assume one of you would move on eventually. So Mae would lose that relationship no matter what," she reasons.

I nod, because she's right. "Maybe it's best if they don't get any more attached."

"Except you want to be in a relationship with him."

I nod again. This is so confusing.

"What would denying yourself accomplish?"

"I don't know." I shake my head and sigh.

She nods and waits for me to elaborate. I hate this part of therapy, where I do all the talking. It's unnerving.

"I like spending time with Edward. But I don't know if I'm ready to date. Or be in a relationship. For Maeve. And I don't want to hurt Edward, either." I know I'm rambling, but I can't seem to stop.

"You seem to be doing a lot of justifying and making excuses as to why you should or shouldn't go out with Edward. And they involve either Maeve or Edward. What do _you_ feel? What do _you_ want?"

"I feel like I really care about him and he could be good for Maeve and for me."

I say this without thinking first, but immediately realize that without my mental filter, I've spoken the absolute truth–Edward is good for me and Maeve. But the things that hold me back loom so largely over every decision I make regarding my relationship with him and I'm not sure they'll ever go away. I'm not only afraid of Edward hurting Maeve and me, I'm afraid of me hurting him. He seems so fragile and I don't want to be responsible for another person's happiness. It's a huge burden, especially when I can barely manage my own and Mae's. I say as much to Angela.

"That's a valid concern, but Edward's a grown man and responsible for himself. You can only worry about you and Maeve, and I don't think being in a relationship with someone necessarily means we're responsible for them. It's a partnership, isn't it?"

I swallow and glance at my watch; I want out of here but we still have a few minutes. "I think with Edward it would be a partnership, yes," I say evasively, yet truthfully.

"And it wasn't with Jasper?" she asks. Of course she does. I know I'm not fooling her. I'm surprised she's let me get away with it for this long.

I take a deep breath and twist my fingers together in my lap. "I don't know. He was different from Edward. Edward's…" I wave my hand in the air, trying to find the right word, but it eludes me. "Edward seems to care for me despite my baggage. Maybe even a little because of it. I've been nothing but myself with him and he still wants me around."

"And Jasper?"

I shake my head and look down, not sure if I'm answering her question or telling her I don't have an answer.

"Our time is up for today," she says. "We'll pick this up next week."

* * *

><p>Edward calls me that night and asks me to meet him. He's already at the swing by the time I get there.<p>

I haven't seen him since we kissed but he manages, as usual, to take it in stride and not look in the least bit uncomfortable.

But of course I'm awkward and anxious so I sit on the opposite side of the swing and wring my hands.

"Hey, you okay?" he asks, looking over at me.

"Yeah, fine. Just… it's nothing." I want to tell him about my therapy, but so much of it revolved around him it would just be weird. "I saw Angela today."

He nods and goes to reach for my hand, but pulls back before touching me. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"I'd really like to, but…" I trail off, shaking my head.

"It's okay," he says, smiling at me.

"How was your day?" I ask, relaxing a little just from his presence.

"Okay," he says, scratching his cheek. "Maggie bought me a birthday gift. It was a pair of heart shaped crystal book ends."

I snort before I can help it and then when Edward starts to laugh, I do too. Just like that, the tension is broken. It's nice, laughing with someone I care about.

"God, you would think she would know me by now," he says with a sigh.

"I'm sure she's doing the best she can," I say. I don't know why I'm defending her when she clearly doesn't like me, except that she probably is trying–in her own way.

He doesn't answer me, but I can see him in the dim light and he looks contemplative. So I stay silent and let him think. It's so strange, but even after my emotional therapy session, his presence makes me feel so serene. As if we can shut the rest of the world out when we're together and just be.

"Bella?" he says after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Will you go to the ribbon cutting at the hospital with me?"

I'm surprised he's asking since he didn't seem too happy about the prospect of going, and I tell him so.

"I don't usually enjoy those types of events," he says. "It's all about schmoozing and networking and that's not a part of my job I'm comfortable with."

"Really? I find that hard to believe. You're so… nice."

He smiles and shrugs. "I like designing and planning and building something from nothing. I usually leave the business aspect of it to my partner, but he's out of town."

"I didn't know you had a business partner."

"Riley and I went to college together and opened Masen and Michaels after graduation. He handles the business and I take care of the creative end. It works for us."

"That sounds good."

"So?"

"What?"

"Is that a no?" he asks nervously. "You don't want to come with me?"

"No… I mean no it's not a no. I'll go with you." I look over at him and this time when he reaches out for me, he takes my hand. It feels nice.

"I promise to show you a good time." He smiles at me and I have no doubt he's right.

I always have a good time with Edward.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so anyone who follows me on Twitter knows my family was pretty hard hit by Irene (that bitch). Updates will be slow for the next few weeks while we clean up from the flood. I'm really sorry about this, but I promise I'll try to update as often as I can. You can follow me on Twitter for update news: jenndema<br>**

**Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.**


	37. Fidgety

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: fidgety**

* * *

><p>I'm waiting for Edward to pick me up for the event at the hospital. Maeve is spending the night with Rose, who told me she and Emmett will be moving in together. I'm happy for her, and a little bit jealous. I want that ease Rose and Emmett seem to have, and the surety that the person I care about cares about me with no reservations, and will continue to love me and be faithful to me, no matter what.<p>

I'm fidgety as I wait, anxious about how I look, if my dress is pretty enough… if _I'm _pretty enough. Edward's so handsome and I worry that I'll look plain next to him. I've bought a new dress and taken extra care with my hair and makeup, but I'm not sure it's enough. My sleep is still not regular and the dark circles under my eyes are still too pronounced for my taste, but there's only so much makeup can do.

Normally this wouldn't bother me, but this isn't just a dinner with a friend or even a normal night out. This is a public setting with Edward's business associates. I'll have to be charming and friendly and I've never been good at that, not even on my best day.

But he wants me there and I want to be with him. And I can do this.

It's something I should have and could have discussed with Angela, but I canceled this week's appointment. I had a headache that day and Maeve was tired, so I thought it was for the best.

But now I wonder if being able to talk about it would have cut down on the anxiety I'm feeling right now. It becomes a moot point when there's a soft knock on my door.

"You look beautiful," Edward says when I greet him at the door. He looks so handsome and happy that it's infectious. My anxiety eases and I take the hand he offers me as he walks me to the car.

The event seems to be in full swing when we arrive. There's a makeshift bar and servers walking around with trays of food, and there's soft jazz music being piped into the room. It's a lovely setting and I feel good standing there with Edward holding my hand.

The lobby of the new maternity wing at the hospital is stunning. It's a large rotunda with stately columns, and the color choices are warm and calming.

"Who's the interior decorator?" I ask. Not that I can afford to hire one, but maybe I can look them up on the Internet and fantasize about what I'd do if I could.

Edward grabs us two champagne flutes from a passing server and hands me one. He takes a sip of his and looks around and I wonder if he's heard my question.

"There's the designer now," he says, pointing his glass toward the other end of the room.

"Your mom?" I can't keep the surprise out of my voice.

"The very one," he says, taking my hand and leading me over to where his parents are standing. "We work together quite a bit."

I suddenly feel awful. I'd never considered Esme as a career woman, and hadn't even bothered to ask her what she did for a living. I really needed to put more effort into my friendships.

"Bella," Esme greets warmly when we reach her and Carlisle. "It's so good to see you."

"You too," I reply, really and truly meaning it. I feel lucky to know these people.

"You look lovely," Carlisle says, grasping my hand tightly. "I'm glad you could make it."

"So am I. The building is just… amazing. And Esme," I say, turning to her, "I had no idea you were a designer. It's just beautiful."

She thanks me and we chat for a few minutes about color and how it effects mood. I idly wonder if bronze and green are among the calming colors, especially when Edward absently places a gentle hand on my back while he's talking to Carlisle. It makes me feel so good and warm.

A few of Carlisle's colleagues make their way over to us and after I get over my initial anxiety, I'm able to engage in small talk and I even make a few people laugh. Having Edward next to me helps, and it feels good to be here with him. We play off of each other and I feel like we belong like this–as a unit that works together. I have no idea how we've reached this point so quickly.

Carlisle and Esme wander off to mingle and Edward and I are finally alone. Without thinking, I lean into him and he puts his arm around me.

"You all right?" he asks.

"I'm really good," I respond, looking up at him and smiling. "I'm having such a great time."

He looks back at me and smiles. "You sound surprised."

"I am, a little," I admit. "I've never been great in social situations. But it's so easy with you."

"You need to give yourself more credit," he asserts with a smile. "You're very charming."

I blush and look down. When I lift my head Edward's face is serious and his gaze travels to my lips. I think he wants to kiss me, and I want him to. He hasn't kissed me since the one and only time on his birthday. I know he doesn't want to pressure me but I haven't been able to get that kiss off my mind.

But the hair on the back of my neck suddenly stands up and I'm distracted from Edward's perfect lips.

I turn around and there she is. I don't know why I didn't anticipate this. I should have realized there would be a chance she would be here to burst my perfect bubble. That's what she did, after all.

She's not looking back at me but that doesn't matter. My past has come back to haunt me and I need to run. I can't breathe and my heart is pounding and I have a blinding pain behind my eyes. "Please get me out of here," I whisper, grabbing Edward's arm tightly.

In a split second his arm is around me and we're heading toward the exit, no questions asked.

I don't realize it's too late until we're in the parking lot. She's followed us and she calls my name.

"Bella?"

Edward doesn't slow but I feel him look down at me. I don't say anything and we're almost to the car.

"Bella!" she calls again. "Please, stop. Please."

That she's asking anything of me suddenly has me enraged. I turn around to face her and she stops in her tracks, a frightened look on her face. Edward places a hand on my shoulder and says my name softly, but there's only me and her right now.

"What do you want, Alice?" I ask. "You want to fuck this one too?"

* * *

><p><strong>I wasn't able to answer reviews for the last chapter, so let me address this here. I understand some of you are impatient with Bella and the slow burn of this story. I'm sorry if it frustrates anyone but it's the way I write, and is particularly right for this story. Rushing things wouldn't be true to the story.<strong>

**Thanks for your lovely reviews and for all of your kind words about my difficulty with Irene. This community is awesome.**

**I should be back to a regular update schedule sooner rather than later.  
><strong>


	38. Healthy

**Not betad. Sorry for any mistakes.  
><strong>

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: healthy**

* * *

><p>Alice still looks frightened, but she doesn't move. "I just… I wanted to apologize." She take a step toward me and I lean back slightly, into Edward. His presence gives me the strength I need to hold my ground when everything in me wants to run.<p>

"You want to apologize for fucking my husband?"

She swallows thickly and nods. "It was wrong. We never meant for it to happen. It was a terrible mistake."

"Don't. Don't you talk about you and my husband as a 'we', like you were some sort of couple. I don't want to hear this." Edward's hand tightens on my shoulder and I think maybe it's the only thing holding me up.

"I never wanted to be that woman," she continues as if she didn't hear me at all. "I feel awful ab–"

"So that's what this is about," I interrupt. "You want absolution? You've come to the wrong place. I couldn't care for my dying husband properly because all I could think about was him fucking you. So you'll pardon me if I don't have any forgiveness in my heart. See a priest if that's what you're looking for."

I turn and start walking away with Edward's arm around my shoulder.

"Wait, Bella," she calls.

Before I can respond, Edward turns. I keep my back to her and rest my head on his chest, his arm securely around me. "Look, I don't know who you are, but I've heard just about enough out of you. She's made it clear she doesn't want to speak to you anymore. Back off."

He turns and holds my hand as we walk in silence to the car. He places me in the passenger seat and everything that's just happened catches up with me. I'm gasping for breath and I start to cry. Edward gets behind the wheel and starts the engine. I can feel him looking at me but all I can do is lower my head to my lap and put my arms over my head. I don't want to deal with this. It's not fair. I'm trying to move on with my life and be healthy but I can't seem to escape my past.

The car starts to move and Edward leaves me to my grief. Seeing that woman again has dredged up every bad feeling I've ever had about my marriage. I can't seem to focus on one as I vacillate between sadness and anger, hopelessness and fear, and a million other feelings I can't bother to identify.

I don't know how long we drive but the car eventually stops. I can't find the will to lift my head. That would mean facing Edward and the embarrassment of being a woman who couldn't keep her husband happy. Someone who was cheated on and not worthy of faithfulness. He'll surely not want me now.

"Bella?" he asks softly.

I sniff and lift my head, not wanting to look at him but also knowing I have no choice. He's opened my door and is kneeling next to me, his hand on my back.

"We're home," he says.

I nod and try to slow my breathing, but it's useless. I'm shaking and crying and I'm not sure I can even get out of the car. I must look like such a pathetic mess.

Thinking about Edward pitying me and not wanting to be with me anymore just makes me cry harder, which must make me look even more pathetic. I almost laugh at the absurdity of it all. Almost.

I feel Edward rummaging around in the car and next thing I know I'm being lifted from the car and placed on my feet. He holds me to him as he walks me to my front door.

Edward unlocks the door while still holding me, and he half-carries me straight up to my room. If I could stop crying long enough, I would probably feel like a small child, having to be led around like this.

He places me gently on the edge of the bed and I sit there with my head down, at a loss for what to do.

Edward kneels in front of me and takes my hand. "What can I get for you?" he asks.

I shake my head and grip his hand tightly. I don't want this to be the end, but it will be and then I'll never see him again. He'll never kiss me again or hold me while I sleep and maybe it's for the best. He would probably break my heart eventually anyway when he found someone better and prettier than me. He should he leave us now before Maeve and I are really attached to him and Seth.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" he asks.

I shake my head again and take some deep breaths to try to gain some semblance of control. I finally look at him and what I see makes me cry again. He looks so sad.

I'm sure it's because he thought I was someone else, someone strong and worth fighting for. He's wasted his time on the likes of me. Now his dreams are crushed too.

"I'll make tea," he says, rising to his feet. I nod and he leaves the room.

I put on my pajamas, not sure if I should go downstairs or wait for Edward here. Part of me doesn't want to face him so I sit on the bed and bide my time. I'm sure he'll tell me that whatever we had, or were going to have, is over, and I'm not in a rush to hear those words.

Edward comes up a few minutes later with two cups. He hands me one and sits on the bed next to me. I sip my tea and wait for him to tell me he doesn't want to wait for me anymore.

"Ready to talk yet?" he asks.

"No," I whisper, shaking my head.

He nods and we continue to sip our tea in silence. Normally I'm comfortable around Edward no matter what we're doing, but now I'm completely unnerved. It's such a change from earlier in the evening, which seems like a lifetime ago.

After I finish my tea, Edward takes my mug and his and places them on the bedside table.

"You ready for bed?" he asks.

I nod and slip under the covers, then watch in some fascination as Edward starts taking his clothes off.

"What are you doing?" I blurt out.

"You didn't honestly think I was leaving you alone tonight, did you?"

I sit there blinking, not wanting to admit that's exactly what I thought. But I can tell from the disappointed and sad look on his face he can see the truth.

He strips down to his boxers and gets into bed next to me. He opens his arms and I practically jump over to him, burying my head in his chest. I'm crying again, but I'm sure this time it's from relief.

"I'm worried about you," Edward says, kissing my head and running a soothing hand up and down my back. "Please tell me how to help you."

"This is enough," I say. "It's everything."

I know I'll have to face this in the morning, but for now I drift off to sleep in Edward's arms, pretending I'm normal and I can have this every night.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for sticking with me and for your lovely reviews. I can't thank all of you enough. I have the best readers. Seriously.<strong>


	39. Dismiss

This chapter is dedicated to DICATAKADD. The world is full of good and kind people, a fact we all sometimes forget. She helped me remember.

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: dismiss**

* * *

><p>I don't sleep well, despite Edward's presence. I wake up often from nightmares of infidelity and abandonment where Jasper and Edward seem to be interchangeable. My dreams are so vivid I expect Edward to be gone every time I wake up, but he's always there, breathing steadily and holding me tightly.<p>

I think I finally sleep a little in the morning, waking up when I hear the sound of Edward's voice. He's not in bed with me and I'm afraid for a moment before I see him sitting in my bedroom chair, looking down with his phone pressed to his ear. He's trying to be quiet but I can hear every word he says.

"Just keep him until later... Fine, if he has his books for school just keep him overnight... That's none of your concern. Goodbye." He sighs and puts his phone down, then looks over at me.

"Hey, sorry if I woke you," he says, getting back into bed and laying next to me so we're on our sides, facing each other. "I was supposed to pick up Seth this morning and needed to ask Maggie if she could hold onto him a little longer."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Edward says, moving closer and putting an arm around me. "No matter my issues with my ex-wife, Seth loves spending time with his mother. And I want to be here with you."

I nod, not sure what to say. He's foregoing spending time with his son to be with me. This makes me feel both happy and guilty. I just hope he's not sticking around out of pity or a false sense of duty. I'd hate it if he ever started to resent me. If he even sticks around that long.

"Hey," he suddenly says. "Where did you go?"

"Huh?" I ask, blinking at him.

"You disappeared on me there for a second." He looks so concerned and I realize I was lost in my own thoughts for I don't know how long.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly. I clear my throat and try to see the bedside clock. "What time is it?"

"Early," he says, placing a hand on the side of my head and rubbing softly. "What time is Mae due home?"

"I don't know exactly. I told Rose I'd call her."

"I'd like to spend some time with you today."

"Why?" I ask, not sure I understand why he still wants me. I'm damaged goods and my past was laid bare for him last night in such an ugly way.

His brow furrows and he looks at me for a long minute before he responds. "I… I thought we were trying here. Did I miss something?"

"No, you saw everything," I saw, averting my eyes.

He's quiet for so long that I'm compelled to finally look back at him. Somehow, I've done it again; he looks sad and I hate myself for making him feel that way. A single tear streaks from my eye and across my nose. I'm so tired of crying and feeling wretched.

"How long have we known each other?" Edward asks.

"A few months," I mumble.

"I don't expect your complete trust quite yet," he says. "But I would like to think I've earned the benefit of the doubt."

I sniff and look down. "I'm sorry."

"Please stop apologizing," he says with some frustration. "I want to be here. Do you still not believe that?"

A few more tears fall from my eyes and I wipe my nose absently. I feel so confused and my emotions are so raw. Seeing that woman last night has exposed something so ugly. Something I wanted to keep buried forever.

Edward sighs and runs a hand through his hair. And then he does something completely unexpected.

He kisses me.

Softly and slowly his lips move on mine, his hand trembling slightly where it touches my face. Despite my emotional state, I kiss him back. I've never been kissed like Edward kisses me. It's as if he pours every ounce of feeling he has into his lips where they touch mine and it makes my body come alive.

He pulls away from me after a moment and opens his eyes slowly. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with you until you tire of me and send me away."

I look at his sweet, earnest expression and I believe him. "That will never happen." I whisper, leaning over and kissing him quickly.

"I've had an unfaithful spouse," he says. "I understand, believe me."

I've not forgotten that Edward has been through something similar, but he seems so together and happy and ready to have a relationship. And I'm none of those things.

I tell him this and he smiles, kissing my cheek softly. "I've had years of therapy, Bella. You've had a few weeks. Besides," he says more seriously, "there's a little more to your situation."

And that's the crux of the issue. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer right after I found out he cheated on me. His death was the only resolution I would ever be given.

I let out a long breath and move closer to Edward, resting my head close to his chest. He's so warm and solid.

"It happened so quickly," I mumble. "We were barely working through what happened when he was diagnosed."

"Working through?" he asks, running a hand up and down my back.

"I didn't know what to do," I say honestly. "I had no one to talk to and he seemed so sorry." I start crying again and try to get closer to Edward, which may be physically impossible at this point. Still, he holds me tightly and kisses the top of my head, soothing me until I stop crying.

Every emotion I have seems so close to the surface, ready to bubble over, and I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself. I don't want Maeve to see me like this. I don't want to feel like this. Not anymore.

I look up at Edward and know what I need to do. I can't dismiss this.

"I think I need to call Angela."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>

**Sorry about review replies recently. Hope you understand. Please know I read and appreciate each one. If you ask me a specific question I'll do my best to answer you, promise.**

**Next update probably not until Monday. Have a safe and enjoyable weekend.**


	40. Reflect

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: reflect**

* * *

><p>Edward goes home to shower and change and I spend an hour on the phone with Angela, who called me back almost immediately after I left a message with her answering service.<p>

I tell her about my run-in with Alice, which of course leads to questions about Jasper and his infidelity. I feel like I should have told her this sooner, but she doesn't make me feel guilty for keeping it from her. Instead she's calm and reassuring as I finally start to reflect on my marriage.

Right before we hang up, I confirm with Angela that we're still scheduled for the next day and I won't cancel like I did last time things got rough.

I take a shower and get dressed, then go downstairs where I find Edward sitting on my front porch.

"Why didn't you come in?" I ask.

He shrugs his shoulders. "I didn't want to be presumptuous."

It's then that I realize we've never really set any boundaries. We're like a couple, but not really. It's something we need to talk about but the thought of delving into how I feel for Edward just makes me anxious.

But he looks at me kindly, with no apparent expectation, and I let out a breath in relief. "You could have come in. It would have been fine," I say, sitting next to him. "I spoke with Angela."

"How was that?"

"Not as bad as I thought it was going to be," I answer. "I think I have a lot of work ahead of me, though."

He nods and takes my hand. "Probably. But you've been through so much already. You can do this."

He speaks with so much conviction and I again wonder what he sees in me that I don't. But then I remember his birth mother and realize Edward's not really that much of a mystery after all. He's told me everything I need to know, and when I bother to pay attention, he's easy to figure out. Because he's been nothing but an open book about himself from the beginning, while I've been hiding and wallowing and being afraid.

"I care about you," I blurt out. My cheeks redden, but I continue. I want him to be as sure of me as I am of him. "I know I'm not in a great place, but I want to be. I want to be normal and happy and be able to laugh and have a good time."

"You do those things," he says, kissing my knuckles and placing my hand in my lap. "You had fun on my birthday, didn't you? And last night, before we were… interrupted?"

I nod in acknowledgment. "You help me be the person I want to be. I want to… be with you. I'm just scared."

"It's okay. I understand. Knowing you want to be with me is enough for now."

"How can that be?" I ask rather incredulously.

"To be honest, on my bad nights I wonder if you really want me." He looks down, a sad smile on his face.

"Your bad nights?"

His smile widens just a little. "I have them too."

"You never seem like it."

He shrugs and looks at me. "I work through it. I've learned some pretty good coping skills over the years."

"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I don't really know what I'm doing." He looks down again and I think maybe I've said the wrong thing. "I want to get better so I can give us a real chance. Well, besides not wanting to be miserable anymore, and for Mae."

"You don't have to explain to me," he says. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes I do. I want to explain to you, so you need to let me," I say, not able to keep the frustration out of my voice.

I swallow thickly, nervous that I've made him angry. But when I dare to look over at him, he's got a smirk on his face and a mischievous glint in his eye. "Is that so?"

I blush and clear my throat. "That's so. Interrupt me again and you're going to have trouble on your hands."

Edward leans over, his face inches from mine. "I like you feisty," he whispers.

He's so close my breath hitches and I badly want to kiss him.

So I do.

Just softly and quickly on the mouth, but it makes him smile. A beaming, happy smile I want to be responsible for putting there again and again.

* * *

><p>"Alice is a doctor Jasper sold to, so she was often invited to cultivation events hosted by Jasper's company," I tell Edward over breakfast at the diner. I want to be completely honest with him. I want him to understand me and know it's not him that holds me back, it's me. "I never liked going, but Jasper would ask me to sometimes and I wanted to make him happy. It was always so uncomfortable for me, though." I take a bite of my omelet before I continue.<p>

"Alice always seemed nice enough, she even asked me to lunch once, but I was never interested in making friends." I shrug my shoulders. "Anyway, one night Jasper wanted to… be intimate, but something felt off. I can't explain it," I say, shaking my head. I thought talking about this would be difficult, but all I feel is relief mixed with some embarrassment. It's the first time I've told anyone about Jasper's cheating save for the phone conversation I had with Angela.

"With only a little prodding he told me he'd been with someone else. I guess he felt guilty and wanted to confess. He didn't immediately say who he'd been with, but he eventually told me everything." Edward continues eating while he listens, an almost passive look on his face. I wonder if it's purposeful. His expressions are normally so animated and easy to read.

"It was supposedly just a one time thing at one of these events I didn't want to go to. That's all I know. I didn't want the details." I take a sip of my coffee while I wait for Edward's reaction, but he still hasn't said anything. "He wanted us to work things out but I was so confused..." I push my plate away and sit back. Talking about the infidelity isn't difficult, talking about how I feel about it is. "He was diagnosed a few weeks later but we hadn't really worked anything out. It was still hanging over us the day he died. Nothing was ever really resolved and I don't know what would have happened to my marriage had he lived."

Edward puts his fork down, reaches into his pocket, throws a few bills on the table, and stands. "Come on," he says, holding his hand out to me. I'm stunned, but I take it and he leads me outside.

The next thing I know my back is pressed against the car and Edward is leaning over me, his hands in my hair. The intense look on his face makes my breath catch. "Tell me you know it wasn't you," he says huskily. "Tell me you know it wasn't your fault that your husband was unfaithful."

"I..." I trail off and try to look away, but Edward holds me firmly.

"It wasn't your fault," he says sternly, his eyes searching mine. "None of it. Even if you had a less than perfect marriage, infidelity is never an answer and it's never okay."

I want to answer but I don't know what to say. Telling him I don't feel responsible would be a lie. So I stay silent.

"I will _never _do that to you. Ever." His mouth covers mine and my arms wind around his neck as I kiss him back.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews.<strong>

**Sorry there was no update yesterday. For those who have asked, we're slowly but surely recovering from the Irene-induced flood. We'll get there. Thank you for all of your kind wishes and support.**

**I think just a few chapters left, but it's hard to tell. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.**


	41. Brief

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: ****Brief**

* * *

><p>Talking to Angela about my marriage is much more difficult than talking to Edward. I walk out of our session angry; with Jasper, with Angela, and with myself. My emotions are raw and I'm on edge and all I really want to do is go to bed and forget for a while.<p>

But I have a child to care for so that's not an option. Mae is the one person I shouldn't be angry or short with, especially since she's also just had a therapy session, but she bears the brunt as we drive to dinner.

"Can we look at pictures of Daddy tonight?" she asks.

My chest tightens and I grip the steering wheel. "Not tonight."

"Why?"

"Because I said so," I say through my teeth.

"I want to!" she shouts.

I slam the heel of my hand into the steering wheel. "Enough! I said no."

I look at her in the rearview mirror and her big blue eyes are welling with tears. She begins to cry and I feel wretched. She needs to be able to talk to me about her father, but I just can't tonight.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," I say to her, turning the car around.

She wipes her nose and asks me where we're going. "Back home," I answer.

"Why? It's Monday, I thought we were going out." There's a definite whine in her voice and I have to take a few deep breaths before I answer.

"I can't handle it tonight, honey. I'm sorry." I say it and realize it's true. I can't deal with this tonight. Not any of it. So when we get to our block, I pull into our driveway and then walk her over to Edward's.

He's chewing and wiping his mouth with a napkin when he answers the door. "Hey," he greets.

I'm just as surprised as he appears to be by my presence at his door. "I…" I look at him, desperate for him to understand what I need.

"Come on in," he says, ushering Mae and me inside.

"Have you eaten?" he asks.

I shake my head and Edward touches Mae on the shoulder. "Seth's in the dining room," he says to her. "Why don't you go have something to eat?"

She looks at me and I nod so she tears off through the house. Once she's gone I rest my head on Edward's chest and let out a sigh of relief. He wraps his arms around me and I enjoy feeling safe and warm, even if just for a moment.

"Therapy today?" he asks.

I nod and look up at him, but I don't elaborate.

"Do you want to eat?" he asks.

"No, I'm not hungry. I just… I was hoping you could watch Mae for a little while. I need time to clear my head."

He looks at me with concern, but nods and kisses my forehead. "Are you going to be all right? You don't want to talk?"

"I've done enough talking for one day," I lament.

He looks at me for a long minute before he responds. "Why don't you bring her books and clothes? She can spend the night."

"Oh, I don't want to impose."

"You're not imposing, I offered," he counters. "She's already eating and I'll make sure she does her homework."

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I'm sure. Go grab her things and go take some time for yourself."

I kiss him quickly on the lips and then run to tell Mae what's going on. I still feel guilty that I can't look at pictures with her tonight, but she seems excited to be spending the night, so I let it go.

When I bring her things back a few minutes later, I kiss her goodbye and tell her to mind Edward and do her homework, but she's deep into a game of Wii bowling so she barely acknowledges me. I trust Edward to make sure she has her homework done and is in bed on time.

Edward holds my hand as he walks me to the door, stopping me when we get there.

"Thanks for this," I say. "I'm not sure I have the patience to be a good mom right now. There's just… I don't know." I shake my head and look down.

Edward puts a finger under my chin, lifting my face to meet his gaze. "It's all right. I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but I'm happy you're asking me for help."

I give him a small smile as he opens the front door and stands there with me, still holding my hand. I think for a brief second that maybe being with him and Maeve and Seth is the thing that will make me feel better right now, but being alone is so tempting.

"I'll leave the door open," he says, as if sensing my reluctance to leave. "Come back if you feel like it."

I nod and move closer, wanting to just be near him. I look up at him and he uses the pads of his fingers to trace a path from my forehead, down the side of my face and to my neck, where his hand comes to rest. He doesn't say anything, and neither do I.

He leans down and kisses me; a soft, comforting kiss that makes me sigh.

He pulls away and I look down. His hands rest on either side of my head and we just stand there for a minute. He kisses the top of my head and I look up.

"You're going to be fine," he says. "You can do this."

"Thank you. I'll come get Mae in the morning." I kiss him on the cheek and walk back to my house.

Except when I get there, I feel lost. I don't want to alone with my thoughts about tonight's therapy session, but I have no distractions. I try to watch television, I read a book, I call Rose and talk to her for a few minutes, but none of it feels right.

I take a bath and play soft music, but the minute I truly have no distractions, I feel overwhelmed. I begin to cry and can't seem to stop no matter how hard I try. The tears flow freely as I sit there in the water thinking about everything and nothing.

I don't know how long I sit there weeping, but when I get out the water is cold and I'm shivering. My tears slow as I dress in warm pajamas and crawl under the covers. It's summertime, but I can't seem to get warm no matter what I do.

I toss and turn and at just past midnight, still shivering, I get out of bed and pad downstairs barefoot. I grab my house keys, lock up, and head next door.

The door is open, just like Edward said it would be. I creep quietly upstairs, quickly check on Mae, and then head for Edward's bedroom.

I walk over to the bed and give my eyes a minute to adjust to the darkness. I finally make out Edward's form in the bed, laying on his side, facing the empty part of the bed.

I don't know how appropriate this is, but I don't care. I climb in bed and he's so, so warm that I get as close as I can while trying not to wake him. But I do anyway.

"Sorry," I whisper.

"Bella?" he asks sleepily.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep and I was so cold. I just wanted to see–"

"Shhh, it's okay," he says, pulling my back close to his chest with his arm around me. "I'll never complain about you coming to my bed."

I breathe a sigh of relief and close my eyes, my shivering easing and my body finally relaxing.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his breath fanning across my hair.

"I will be."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>


	42. Furious

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Furious**

* * *

><p>I wake up the next morning not wanting to move. I feel warm and contented and more relaxed than I ever remember being.<p>

I know exactly where I am and how I got here. There's no regret or "What have I done?" feeling. I like being with Edward and he likes being with me and I don't want to be afraid anymore. I'm not naive enough to think I can jump into a relationship, but if Edward's willing to take it slow, and I know he is, I see no reason to purposely hold myself back from caring for him anymore.

I glance at the clock and see I have over an hour before Mae needs to wake up for school. I close my eyes just as Edward's arm tightens around me. "We should get up," he says from behind me.

"Don't wanna," I mumble, taking his hand in mine and resting them on my stomach.

"Me either."

So we lay there a while longer until Edward abruptly extracts himself from me and goes to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The part of me that wants to question and feel bad tugs at me, but I try to be rational. He's a grown man and doesn't have to explain every little thing he does, and him getting up doesn't mean I've done something wrong or he's stopped caring about me.

Knowing these things logically and believing them emotionally are two different things, however, and I have to remind myself that just because Jasper found me lacking, doesn't mean Edward does. Still, I don't relax until he emerges from the bathroom and smiles at me. "You okay? What happened last night?" he asks, getting back into bed and lying next to me.

"Yeah, I was just... cold and lonely," I say honestly. I want to ask again if it's okay that I came over, but I know it is so I stop myself.

"I'm glad you came over," he says, somehow answering my unasked question. "I like you here."

He places a gentle hand on my cheek and I close my eyes briefly. "I like being here."

There should be an awkward moment here, but there isn't. Edward smiles and pulls me to him so I'm laid across his chest. Our legs are tangled together and he runs a hand up and down my back. This is nice, lounging in bed with someone I care about.

"Do you want to talk?" he asks softly.

I take his hand and absently play with his fingers. "Maybe. I don't know." He waits patiently while I twist his fingers through mine and then release them, over and over. "Therapy was hard. And Mae wanted to talk about Jasper since she'd just had her session. I was on edge already and couldn't deal with her whining. Or with talking about him."

"Have you thought about switching one of your days?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask, lifting my head and raising myself on my elbow.

"If you had your appointments at different times it might be less stressful. You could focus on Maeve after her session since you won't be right out of your own."

"Huh. I hadn't thought of that," I say, putting my head back on his chest. "It just seemed more convenient for us to go together."

Edward runs a hand through my hair and I almost hum in contentment. "I can stay with her if you have to schedule in the evening."

"Really?"

"Of course," he says. "Seth and I go on Tuesdays, but any other night would be fine."

I pick my head up again and lean over and kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

He rubs our noses together and sighs. "We should get up."

I nod and reluctantly get out of bed. "I should go home and shower and get dressed. I should have enough time to get back before Mae wakes up."

Edward runs a hand through his already messy hair. "Okay. I'll make coffee and start breakfast."

He takes my hand and we walk downstairs together. Edward opens the front door and smiles at me. "Hurry back," he says, leaning down to kiss me on the lips. I kiss him back and when we pull apart he closes his eyes and shakes his head. I wonder if I've done something wrong until he turns his head toward the outside of the house and I follow his gaze.

"You're early," he says to Maggie.

"You said you had an early meeting," she replies, clearly furious. "Had I known I was coming over to this, I wouldn't have agreed to it."

Her eyes flick to me and I almost instinctively move half my body behind Edward. We're in our pajamas, kissing in front of the door, Edward's hair is a mess, and my daughter is asleep upstairs. I feel embarrassed for some reason, but Edward doesn't seem to have the same problem. He puts his arm around me and pulls me close to his side.

"I asked you to come thirty minutes early, not over an hour," he says.

She huffs and crosses her arms. "I thought I could help," she insists.

Edward sighs and scrubs a hand across his face. He looks uncomfortable for once, and I want to put him back at ease. "I'll just grab Mae and go," I say softly.

He turns and rests his hands on my shoulders. "Absolutely not. Let her sleep."

"But–"

"No buts." I hear Maggie sighing impatiently, but Edward seems solely focused on me. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Okay." I nod and he places a gentle hand on my face before I turn to leave.

When I get home, I shower and dress for work in record time. I hurry back over to Edward's and start hunting around for someone, but the only person I find is Maggie.

She's sitting at the kitchen table, crying softly.

I turn to leave before she sees me, but I'm too late. She stands abruptly and wipes her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"For what? Catching me crying? Or stealing my husband?"

I know I have a choice here. I can be a coward and turn around and walk away, or I can stand up for myself and for Edward. For _us_.

"I'm not stealing your husband," I say. "You gave him up." I'm shaking from nerves, but she's not being fair and I can't let her get away with it.

She starts looking in the cabinets, her back to me. "I want my family back," she says, turning around and placing cereal bowls on the island between us. A tear streaks own her cheek and my heart goes out to her. I know how she feels, in my own way.

"I don't think you getting Edward back or not has anything to do with me," I tell her in a soft voice. I want to tell her she was a fool for voluntarily giving up a man like Edward, but I'm not going to rub salt into her already raw wounds. We've both lost someone we loved, just for different reasons.

She wipes her eyes and nods as Edward comes up behind me and rests his hands on my shoulders. "Mae's awake," he says.

I touch his hand lightly, turn around, then head upstairs to get my daughter ready for school.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews.<strong>

**Next update probably Monday.  
><strong>


	43. Compartment

**Not betad. I'm pretty tired. Sorry for any mistakes.  
><strong>

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Compartment**

* * *

><p>"She wants him for one full week a month," Edward tells me. He's talking about Maggie, who approached Edward about changing their custody agreement. "In addition to the two weekends she has him."<p>

"How do you feel about that?" I ask, running a hand through his hair. We're on our swing and his head is resting in my lap. We meet out here almost every night now, sometimes talking, sometimes kissing like teenagers in the back seat of a car. Or sometimes, like tonight, a little bit of both.

"I hate it," he says. "But that doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. She's his mother, despite her mistakes."

"Is Seth okay with the new arrangement?"

Edward rubs a hand across his face and sighs. "Yeah, he seems to be. He asked a lot of questions and wanted to know what would happen if he didn't like it."

"What did you tell him?"

"That he could come home if he was unhappy or uncomfortable."

I nod and lean down to kiss him softly on the lips.

"Seth's a good boy," I say. "She's at least partially responsible for that."

He nods. "I know." He closes his eyes and hums a little as I weave my hand through his hair again and again. I smile down at him, though he can't see me. I've come to realize, through therapy and my relationship with Edward, that maybe it wasn't me. I'm not missing the affection gene, as Jasper used to joke, I just wasn't affectionate with Jasper. It's so different with Edward. I find myself wanting his touch and his presence almost constantly. His touch does something to me; calms me and grounds me and makes me feel safe. The one thing I never feel is ambivalent or annoyed, which I felt with Jasper long before he was unfaithful.

It's been a little over two months since my confrontation with Alice. It's been difficult; I'm dredging up a past I wanted to lock away forever. But the compartment that contained my marriage and my unfaithful husband has been opened and there's no closing it. And I'm not sure I want to. I'm making real progress with Angela.

We don't so much discuss my marriage and my husband as much as how I feel about it. She tells me I need to come to terms with the fact that Jasper and I will never get to work this out together, but that it's okay to be angry. He shouldn't be forgiven just because he's dead, but nor should I hold onto that anger because I can't let it out at the one person who deserves it.

I'm letting out feelings I've had for a long time but didn't know how to express. I resent that Jasper was too sick for me to be outwardly angry with him. I'm angry that every time I saw his frail body as he was dying I pictured it fucking someone in an empty office at a party. I'm sad that my marriage was probably over and had he not died, I would be divorced and trying to get by without him anyway.

My feelings as I work through this are sometimes confusing and often contrary, but slowly, the cloud is starting to lift.

"You birthday is in a couple of weeks," Edward suddenly says, opening his eyes and smiling shyly at me.

"How did you know that?"

"Maeve. She asked me to help her buy you a present."

"Oh, no. I'm sorry." I'm a little embarrassed that she would ask Edward for help, but happy and flattered she's putting thought into my gift.

"Don't be sorry. It was nice that she asked me. I'm going to take her and Seth out this Thursday while you're at therapy."

"What is she getting me?" I ask, kicking my legs like a little kid.

"I can't tell you," he says with a smile.

"I have to know how much money to give her for shopping," I reason.

He takes my hand and kisses it. "Nothing doing. You're not getting it out of me that way."

I arch my eyebrow and smirk down at him. "How _can_ I get it out of you?"

He sits up and grabs me, positioning me so I'm straddling his lap.

I sigh when he kisses me.

"I want to take you away for your birthday," he says a few minutes later.

"Hm?" I say, dazed and sleepy from kisses and the late hour.

He places his hands behind my head and looks me in the eye. "I want to take you away for your birthday. I want to be alone with you."

"Oh." I immediately understand what he means.

As ever, Edward has been patient and gentle while I come to terms with my past. We're not affectionate in public; we've discussed it and we're not ready to take that step yet. But we do manage to spend at least one night a week together, usually under the guise of a sleepover for the children. We kiss and we touch, gently and tentatively, always staying fully clothed. But I want him. Desperately I want him to touch me more intimately and make love to me. His kisses alone make me weak and needy; I can only imagine what making love with him will feel like.

I'll feel him sometimes, hard and ready against my leg, but he never seeks to satisfy himself. Just like he promised, we're taking it slow. But I'm not sure how much longer I want to wait. My desire for him outweighs my fear. He makes me feel things I've never felt before. It's more than sexual arousal. It's something deep inside me that wants to connect with him on a physical level. It's almost primal.

But there's so much that goes along with a relationship, so many details, from telling the children, to dealing with Maggie, to my emotional state, to simple logistics. I feel like, for now, we're in a holding pattern. It's right, I know, but sometimes I feel like I want to dive in head first, caution and my past and his be damned. Maybe this trip is the thing we need to take that next step.

"It's okay, we don't have to," he says softly. I realize I've been in silent contemplation for a while and this must have given him the wrong idea.

I kiss him and thread my fingers through his hair. "I want to," I whisper against his lips. "You've been so patient."

"No," he says, shaking his head. "Not really. And nothing has to happen." He kisses me below my ear and runs his nose across my cheek. "I just want to be with you without the distraction of children and jobs and school and ex-wives."

I nod and rest my head on his shoulder. "How about Nantucket?" he asks.

I raise my head and smile. "I'd really like that."

Our kisses end some time later when we're both yawning too much to continue. I hate this part of the day; it's becoming more and more difficult to say goodbye.

I creep back into the house and check on Maeve. She's healing too. Her good days outnumber her bad and she's excited as the new school year looms ahead of us. Her nightmares are fewer so as to be almost non-existent, and she and Seth have seem to have formed a close bond. She smiles more easily and has fewer outbursts. During my last meeting with Kate she told me Maeve mentions "Seth's daddy" and how much she likes him, but we agreed I should ease her into the idea of Edward and I in a relationship.

I kiss Mae's cheek, pull her covers around her, and leave her room.

I climb into my own bed a few minutes later, thoughts of a weekend away with Edward swirling through my mind.

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, a weekend away with Edward. Nothin' wrong with that.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews. Next update tomorrow or the day after. **


	44. Dusty

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Dusty**

* * *

><p>As the day gets closer, I'm becoming increasingly anxious about my weekend away with Edward. I know he won't pressure me, but the simple truth is, I want him. I can't imagine being alone with Edward and not making love with him.<p>

But just because I want it doesn't mean I'm not terrified. It's been a long time and I'm still sorting through so much of my relationship with Jasper.

Angela is, as usual, very non-committal when I outright ask her advice. The one thing I do take away from our conversation is that I need to stop pressuring myself. I think he's hopeful, but I know Edward has no expectations and would never ask me to do something I wasn't ready to do.

I'm hopeful too. Hopeful that I can be normal and enjoy a weekend away with someone I care about.

Rose has a big weekend planned for her and Maeve while Edward and I are away. She tells me about it over a mid-week lunch at a café close to both out offices. There's talk of the Franklin Park Zoo, the Boston Children's Museum, the New England Aquarium, and the Museum of Science.

I tell her she'll be worn out by Saturday afternoon, but she scoffs and tells me to go have fun and not worry about Maeve.

"I always worry," I say. "I've never been apart from her for an entire weekend."

Rose grabs a French fry from my plate and munches on it. "So, you and Edward…"

I blush and sip my coffee, not wanting to look at her. I don't mind talking to my friend about Edward, but talking to my late husband's sister is another thing entirely. I can't always separate the two.

"Come on!" she says. "You can tell me. We haven't had proper girl talk since you met my brother."

"I don't know what to say," I tell her, picking at the bread on my sandwich.

"I don't need the gory details," she says, rolling her eyes. "Just… I don't know. How much do you like him?"

I feel my face heating up but I still don't say anything. I can't.

"Okay, fine," she says, stabbing her fork into her salad. "Don't tell me."

Her tone is flippant but I can tell she's hurt and that's the last thing I want. "I just don't want you to feel weird. I was married to your brother," I remind her.

"So what?" she says rather indignantly. "I love him, but he's gone, Bella. You're my friend and you deserve to be happy."

I nod and look down.

"Does Edward make you happy?" she asks.

"Yes. Very much so."

"That's nothing to be ashamed about," she asserts. "I'm really glad for you."

The sincerity in her voice brings tears to my eyes.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Rose asks, grabbing my hand from across the table.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "I'm a mess."

"No, you're not. Talk to me."

"I'm so afraid," I say, wiping my nose with a napkin.

"Of?"

"Of everything. What if we go away and it's awful and Edward decides I'm not worth the trouble?" I blurt out.

"Wait… what? What trouble?"

I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. "We're not really… together. We see each other almost every day and we… kiss, but that's it. I've been too afraid to do anything else."

"Jesus, Bella. What did my brother do to you?"

I look wide-eyed at her angry face. She drops her fork and shakes her head. "I'm not a fool," she says kindly. "This is not just him dying. And I know you were having problems before he was even diagnosed." She takes a sip of her water and continues. "You're my friend and you can talk to me about anything. Including my brother."

I feel a mixture of relief and fear as I tell her about my problems with Jasper. Not just his infidelity, but my long buried feelings of unhappiness and inadequacy. She listens without interruption and without apparent judgment.

By the time I'm finished I've lost my appetite, but I feel lighter, somehow.

Rose pushes her plate away and sits back in her chair. "That prick," she says, her arms crossed over her chest.

"No, don't do that. I didn't tell you so you would be angry with him."

"I would say the same thing about any man who cheated on someone I care about. Having nothing to do with the fact that he's my brother. But since he was, I would have kicked his ass if I'd known about this when he was alive."

I nod and smile; she would have.

We talk a little bit longer but then we both have to get back to work. She gives me a hug before we part ways. "It's going to be all right. Jasper did a shitty thing, but it wasn't your fault and it doesn't define you."

I kiss her on the cheek and smile. "Thank you." I'm feeling a little better after our talk. I'm still anxious, but having told her about Jasper is a huge weight off my shoulders.

"Edward's good for you," she says as she walks to her car.

I smile and wave as she pulls away. He _is_ good for me.

* * *

><p>I can't procrastinate anymore. It's finally time to pack for my weekend away with Edward.<p>

I take Friday afternoon off from work and find my old suitcase, dusty from neglect, in the back of my closet. I brush it off and rifle through my drawers and closet, trying to decide what to pack.

I briefly consider lingerie, but it's all old and really, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like _us_. We're more cozy pajamas and warm socks than lace and satin.

Everything I pack is well-worn and comfortable except for the dress I bought last week. That's new and makes me feel pretty.

Rose comes by to pick up Mae, who is a little sullen and whiny. "I want to come with you!" she says.

I sigh, having heard this at least three thousand times since I collected her from school.

"Why?" Rose asks her. "We're going to have ice cram and go to the aquarium and stay up late watching movies while eating popcorn." She looks at me and wrinkles her nose before looking back at Mae. "They're going to be doing boring adult stuff."

Maeve brightens considerably and is suddenly eager to leave. "Be good," I say, hugging her tightly. "Mind Aunt Rose and do as she says."

"Yes, Mama." Maeve kisses me on the cheek and runs out the front door.

I grab Mae's suitcase as Rose and I follow her outside. "Have fun this weekend," Rose says. "Try to relax. Edward's s good guy."

"I know he is."

"Nervous?"

"Terrified."

She places a hand on my arm and squeezes. "I like the way he looks at you." She smiles and walks away.

I wave as they drive away and then see movement in front of Edward's house.

Edward walks out the front door with a bag that he tosses in Maggie's car. He kneels down and hugs Seth and then pulls back to talk to him quietly for a moment. Maggie is standing by her car, looking miserable but not angry. Which I guess is an improvement.

She brightens when Seth runs to her, his book bag slapping against his back. He sees me and waves. "Hi, Bella!" he calls.

"Hey, Seth." I wave back as Seth climbs in the car. Edward smiles and walk over to me, his hands in his pockets, as Maggie and Seth drive away.

"Hey," Edward says, kissing me hello. "Is Maeve still here?"

"She left. I'm ready when you are." I smile and blush from a combination of nerves and happiness and anticipation.

Edward grabs my bag from inside the door and I lock up.

He takes my hand and kisses it softly. "Let's get out of here, pretty lady."

* * *

><p><strong>I'm such a c-block. I know. But I made this chapter longer than I planned and really, this damn story is moving at a snail's pace as it is. You must be used to it by now.<strong>

**You're all awesome and patient and leave the best reviews. Thank you.**


	45. Grumble

Sorry about the lack of an update yesterday, but what I wrote was just bad. You all would have flounced me for sure had I posted it.

In case you want a mental image before you read, a link to a picture of the room where they're staying can be found at the bottom of my profile page, or an unioninn dot com (it's room no. 3)

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Grumble**

* * *

><p>I'd never given much thought to hand-holing, especially not since I'd left my teen years behind. Jasper was never one for public displays and I wasn't terribly affectionate with him in general.<p>

Edward, on the other hand, is very much the opposite. He holds my hand for practically the entire ninety minute car ride to Hyannis, and then during the twenty minute plane trip to Nantucket. Though he is normally very physically affectionate and attentive, I suspect part of this is that he can sense my anxiety ratcheting up the closer we get to our destination.

By the time we get in the cab that will take us to the inn, I'm practically shaking from nerves. Edward is, as usual, good at anticipating and reading my moods; he's sweet and gentle and doesn't overwhelm me with questions about what's bothering me. I suspect he already knows.

Edward checks us in and we're shown to our room by the innkeeper, a older woman named Deborah who wears a broad smile and walks with a slight limp.

"This is my favorite room," she says, opening the door for us.

The room is beautiful; it's dominated by a king-sized bed and a lit fireplace, it's decorated in rich reds and crisp whites and has an en suite bathroom. It's tasteful and well-appointed without being over the top. In short, it's perfect.

"We lit the fireplace. There's a little chill in the air tonight. I hope that's all right."

"That's fine," Edward says, placing our bags next to one of the armchairs that flank the fireplace. "Thank you."

"Breakfast tomorrow is from seven to ten thirty. If you need anything before then please let me know."

We thank her and she leaves quietly, but Edward follows her out, leaning out the doorway to talk to her quickly before coming back in and closing the door behind him.

"Everything all right?" I ask.

"Perfect," he says, walking over to me and putting his hands on my waist. "You okay?"

I give him a small smile and run my hands up his arms. "Yeah. I'm just..." I shake my head and look down, not sure how to explain myself, or even if I need to.

He pulls me into a hug and I lay my head on his chest. The softness of his shirt over his hard chest feels nice against my cheek.

"I'm really glad you're here with me," he says quietly.

I sigh and look up at him. He places his hands on the side of my face, his thumbs under my eyes, and gazes down at me with a smile. His eyes flick to my lips and he kisses me softly. I wind my hands through his hair and open my mouth, suddenly wanting more of him.

We continue to kiss and then I remember where we are and my hands begin to shake. Kissing Edward is comfortingly familiar by now, but the burden of expectation is fraying my nerves.

As ever, Edward seems to sense my switch in mood and pulls away from me slightly, his brow furrowed. I tighten my hands in his hair in frustration and close my eyes briefly. "I'm sorry. It's not–"

I'm cut off by a rather loud grumble from the general vicinity of my stomach. We both freeze, our faces millimeters apart, and burst out laughing. Edward pulls me close, some of the tension between us having been broken. I love the carefree sound of his laugh, even if I had to be embarrassed to make it happen.

"Did you want to have dinner?" he asks after our laughter dies down.

"I think that's a good idea," I respond with a smile, pulling away and grabbing my bag. "I'm going to take a quick shower first."

"What do you feel like having? I can find us a place while you shower."

I think about it for a moment while I take my toiletry bag and a change of clothes from my suitcase. "Bar food," I announce. "I want a big burger and a cold beer."

Edward takes out his phone and starts tapping away. "Bar food coming right up, my lady."

I relax further as I shower, musing on how well Edward takes care of me; from shoveling my snow, to helping me with the porch, to watching Mae while I go therapy and feeding me when I'm hungry.

I've always been fiercely independent. Even after Jasper died I was determined to do everything for Mae and myself on my own. But it's different with Edward. I never feel like he's doing anything for me because he thinks I'm incapable or because he's a man and I'm a woman. I think caring for the people in his life is just part of who he is and asking him to stop would be akin to asking him to cease being himself. And I like him for exactly who he is.

When I come out of the bathroom, fully dressed and hair still damp, Edward is standing with his back to me, looking out the window.

"How's the view?" I ask.

He turns and looks at me, his face breaking out into a mischievous smile. "Stunning," he says, walking over to me and putting his arms around my waist. "Deborah says the best burger on the island can be found about two blocks from here."

"If I didn't know better I'd think you planned it that way," I say, winding my arms around his neck.

"I'd love to take credit for this, but I definitely couldn't predict the burger craving," he says before kissing my forehead. "Do you mind if I shower before we go?"

"Not at all. I'll unpack and dream of red meat while and liquid bread while I wait for you."

I familiarize myself with the room and then grab my suitcase. I busy myself unpacking my clothes and shoes and turn when I hear the bathroom door open. Edward emerges, wearing loose-fitting khaki pants and a tight black sweater. His hair is damp and he's got the lightest red scruff on his face. He looks so handsome my stomach actually does a back-flip.

He runs a towel over his head and when he pulls it away, his hair is an absolute mess. Before I can think about it, I walk over to him and rake my hands through his hair, getting it out of his face. He smiles and leans over to kiss me softly on the mouth. "I need a haircut," he says.

"I like it," I tell him, moving a stray lock off of his forehead.

He smiles shyly and runs a hand across my cheek. "Then I guess I don't need a haircut after all."

We walk to dinner; it's brisk out so Edward puts his arm around me to keep me warm. The burgers are indeed delicious, the beer is ice cold, and the company is even better. I have a really good time and as we walk back to the inn I actually wonder about my lack of anxiety, but I don't dwell on it. I'm sleepy and happy and I tell myself I'm allowed to feel good.

* * *

><p><strong>I did it again. Sorry, but this is where Bella wanted to go.<strong>

**Your reviews keep me going. Thanks for each and every one.  
><strong>


	46. Endless

**Not betad. But Just4ALE helped me with this chapter because she's lovely and generous with her time.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Endless**

* * *

><p>When we get back to our room I'm awkward for a moment before Edward grabs his pajamas and announces he's going to change in the bathroom. For all the nights we've spent together I'm not sure what the protocol is for changing in front of someone who's never seen me naked. I quickly put my pajamas on and wait until Edward comes out so I can get ready for bed.<p>

Once I'm in the bathroom I brush my teeth and wash my face, all the time trying to find what at one time seemed like an endless supply of anxiety. But there is none. I'm nervous, for sure, but it's the pleasant kind that makes my stomach jump every time I think about what's waiting for me on the other side of the door.

I take a deep breath and walk out into the bedroom. I climb in next to Edward; his eyes are closed and I wonder if he's sleeping. It's been a long day and I wouldn't blame him, but I'm disappointed.

I slip under the covers and lay on my side next to him, watching him while he sleeps. Then Edward puts an arm around me and smiles, keeping his eyes closed.

"You're awake."

He hums and pulls me closer so we're on our sides, facing each other. "I'm sleepy, but you're beautiful and in bed with me. I am a man, after all."

"That you are," I say, leaning over and pressing my lips to his. He places a hand on the back of my head and kisses me back, opening his mouth and touching his tongue to mine. His kiss is so soft and gentle and he tastes like toothpaste and Edward. I sigh at the comfort his familiar feel and taste brings me.

I hook my leg over his hip and pull myself closer. The fire has died out and it's chilly and he's always so warm.

We kiss and kiss and kiss some more. We're comfortable with this by now. Our hands roam more freely than ever before, though, and the first time his hand makes contact with my breast, I gasp.

He pulls away quickly. "Sorry," he mumbles.

"No, don't be," I say, taking his hand and placing it back on my breast. "That was good."

He gives me a small smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I say, pulling him back into a kiss. He touches my breast so gently, almost as if his hand isn't there at all, but it ignites a fire in me that settles between my legs.

I pull him toward me until his body is on top of mine, covering me like a blanket. His weight on top of me is reassuring somehow.

We tangle our legs together and continue to kiss and touch. I run a hand up his back, under his t-shirt and on his bare skin. "Your hands feel so good," he whispers in my ear.

I feel him hard against my hip, but he never moves, just like always. But it's different now. I want him to know it's okay, that I want him and I'm not afraid anymore. I shift myself so we're flush against each other and he moans loudly into my neck, lifting his hips and then settling down between my legs.

I move my hips just a fraction–feeling him against me leaves me breathless. It's been so long since I've experienced anything like this; my stomach is flipping wildly and I'm sure I've never felt this good before.

I lift the hem of his shirt and he helps me pull it over his head. I touch him, running my hand gently across his bare chest. It feels as beautiful as I imagined it would; toned and hard with the lightest sprinkling of hair.

I pull him back down on top of me and wrap my legs around his waist. I love how he feels between my legs and all I can focus on is the movement of our hips and his lips on my neck. "Oh God," I say with a moan.

"Bella, I..." He trails off and lifts his head, kissing me with a groan. I thread my hands through his hair and close my eyes, wanting to be washed away in the way he's making me feel.

He leans to one side and with his other hand, starts to work the buttons loose on my pajama top. That's when I notice his hands are trembling. So much so that he's becoming frustrated with his inability to grasp the buttons on my top.

"Edward?" I ask, putting a hand on the side of his face.

He looks at me with wide eyes and swallows loudly. He rolls off of me and sits with his back to the headboard.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, running a hand through his hair.

"What's going on?" I ask, sitting myself next to him and taking his hand.

He takes a deep breath and looks at some point over my shoulder, his expression both embarrassed and upset. "I've only ever... been with one person, and the last time was over two years ago."

"That's okay. It's been just as long for me," I tell him. But he doesn't look convinced and I start to panic, thinking he might not want me after all. Maybe he's making excuses.

"I'm... I want to make you happy," he says, leaning his head back and looking at the ceiling. "I want this to be real and... I can't... If it's not..." He groans and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

I open my mouth to tell him he's being ridiculous, but shut it quickly. He's not being ridiculous. He's being honest.

Since we've known each other, he's always been the strong one. We're here and together because of him. He's been incredibly patient and understanding while I worked through my past. And while he may be better at dealing with it, I tend to forget he's been hurt as deeply as I have. I suddenly realize I've taken for granted that he was ready to move on without any ramifications from his past. I was wrong. He was blindsided by the dissolution of his marriage and has the same fears I do.

I let go of his hand and straddle his lap, placing my palms on either side of his face. I swallow the fear I feel because he's been carrying us on his shoulders for months. For once, I need to be strong for him and reassure him the way he reassures me. He's been pushing his fear aside for me and I need to do the same for him.

"I'm not going anywhere. I only want you." The words come easier than I ever thought they would. Because they're true. I think of those three magical words and I want to say them, but I can't. Not yet. "I care so much about you."

He looks both relieved and happy but he makes no move to kiss or touch me.

I lean over and kiss him, slowly and softly, and quickly undo the buttons on my top, sliding it off my shoulders. I pull away and he gasps, his eyes darting from my bare chest to my eyes and back again. He puts one hand on the back of my head, pulling me into a kiss, and the other on one of my breasts. He runs his thumb across my nipple and I moan loudly into his mouth, shifting my hips in his lap.

When he places his hands on the small of my back and pushes me forward so he can wrap his lips around my nipple, I'm incapable of further coherent thought. I rest my forehead on top of his head and try to catch my breath, but he doesn't let up. His mouth moves to my other breast and his hands are tight on my waist. I rock my hips into his; he's so hard and I'm more aroused than I ever recall being. There's nothing scary or wrong about something that feels this good.

I run my hands down to the waistband of his sleep pants as he pulls away from me. He leans his head back against the head board while I lower his pants, then get off the bed and pull them off. I take my own pants off and he stares at me. "So beautiful," he whispers as I position myself over him again. He runs his hands across my bare body; my arms, my breasts, my back, my stomach, and my ass. He traces my c-section scar with his finger and the smallest smile graces his face. I feel self-conscious, but I want him too much to stop and stew in my insecurities.

I lift myself and he helps me position himself at my entrance. Slowly I lower myself onto him, clutching his shoulders, a long moan coming from my throat. Once he's fully inside I rest my forehead on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me. His breathing is as labored as mine and when I lift my head to look at him, his expression is almost dazed.

He takes my face in his hand and kisses my mouth. "You feel so good," he says with a moan. "God, Bella."

I rest my forehead on his and move my hips, starting a gentle rocking motion which Edward matches. He pulls his legs up, changing the angle of our thrusts, and moves away from the headboard so I can wrap my legs around him.

I pick my head up and he looks in my eyes, smoothing the hair away from my face. "I... Oh, Bella, I'm so–" He cuts himself off with a kiss to my mouth and I weave my fingers through his hair, making him moan.

I'm sure I've never experienced anything like this. I feel loved and beautiful and like this is something so much more than sex. I feel, perhaps for the first time, that this act is a true expression of feeling and the physical aspect is almost an afterthought.

Though it doesn't exactly feel like that when he puts his hand between my legs and touches me. I throw my head back, moaning loudly. I increase my pace, chasing my orgasm and kissing Edward hard on the mouth.

"Are you..." he asks.

I nod and hold tight to him. "Yes, oh God. Don't stop," I say with a gasp.

Edward's lips latch onto my neck and I'm there. My body goes rigid and then the wave of my orgasm crashes through me again and again. I'm aware of saying Edward's name and him holding me tightly as I ride it out, and then Edward's strangled cry into my neck.

Once my breathing is under control I lift my head and look at him. His eyes are closed and his head is back against the head board. "Hey," I say.

"Hey." He smiles shyly at me and gathers me into his arms. I rest against his chest as he runs a hand through my hair. I'm suddenly exhausted, but completely content. The regret I was so sure I'd feel just isn't there.

"You're unbelievable," Edward whispers, kissing the top of my head. "Thank you. I'm sorry about... before."

I can hear the embarrassment in his voice and I kiss chest and snuggle closer. "You have nothing to be sorry for," I say sleepily.

He sighs and kisses my forehead. "Let's sleep," he says.

I nod, disentangle myself from him, and lay down. Edward lays next to me and holds me close and I'm asleep almost instantly.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews. See you on Monday.<strong>


	47. Premature

**Re: Safe sex. Let's assume Bella's on the pill and Edward knows it. 'Kay? Thanks.**

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Premature**

**This is EPOV. I felt like it.**

* * *

><p>I wake up before sunrise with my body wrapped around Bella's. I'm achingly hard, but I keep myself still. Women shouldn't be assaulted in their sleep, and sometimes it's enough to just be close to her and know she cares about me, maybe even as much as I care about her.<p>

Bella stirs and I stifle a groan as her ass rubs against me. I'm so tempted to wake her up and see if she wants a repeat performance of last night, minus my bullshit emotional breakdown. I'm embarrassed when I think about my freak out, but I was overwhelmed with feeling for her and needed some reassurance. I realize in many ways I'm an all-or-nothing type guy, especially with my relationships. And I'm self-aware enough to know why. I've been all in with Bella for a while and I just needed to know I wasn't alone.

Bella's the first real chance I've ever taken. There was no one before Maggie and Bella's my first since. I've been propositioned by my share of women, but I was committed to my wife and had no interest in anyone after she left. Maggie threw herself at me as recently as last week, but the thought of touching her makes my skin crawl. She lost any pull she had on me the minute she abandoned my son and I haven't really looked back since, my half-hearted effort to 'try' when she came back notwithstanding.

All I see is Bella.

I would watch her sometimes, before we met. She seemed so sad and almost defeated, though I saw how she tried with Mae even through the small window I had. The small touches and the forced smiles spoke volumes.

It didn't take me long after I met her to know I wanted her in my life. That I wanted something more. It was a strange feeling, being drawn to someone. But I didn't fight it, even through her resistance.

She's been worth every sleepless night and every moment of doubt. Being with her is like nothing I've ever experienced before and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like I belong somewhere. Thoughts of forever at this stage in a relationship might be premature for some, but not for me. Not where Bella is concerned. If I thought she and Maeve would move in with me tomorrow I'd start hauling boxes myself. I have fantasies about us all living in the same house, about putting our children to bed together, of falling asleep with her every night. I want it all.

Just as I'm drifting back to sleep, Bella turns in my arms and much to my surprise (and delight) she starts kissing my chest and works her way up to my neck and then my lips. I love that she's been sexually assertive. I was nervous about how to approach the situation this weekend, wanting to follow her lead but thinking she would likely want to follow mine. My mini breakdown might have been embarrassing, but maybe it was for the best.

I roll us over and lay on top of her as we continue to kiss. She's warm and sleepy and seems to want the same thing I do. Still, I stop just short of entering her and pull back from her mouth. "Yes?" I ask.

"Yes," she says sleepily. "Please."

I enter her slowly, loving how she feels. But more than that, loving that she's Bella. I close my eyes and thrust slowly, in no rush for this feeling to come to an end.

I rest my elbows on either side of her head and smooth the tangles away from her face. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is open, she's breathing heavily and moaning softly. I kiss her on the mouth and slow my movements even more.

"Bella?"

"Mmmm?"

She still hasn't opened her eyes but she's wearing the sweetest smile. "Look at me, please."

She opens her eyes and the affection I see there makes my breath catch. "I..." I want so badly to tell her I love her, but I stop myself. I realize how fragile she is and decided long ago that she would need to say that first. I can only hope she'll feel the same way someday. I kiss her instead, hoping to convey my feelings for her with action instead of words.

"Edward," she says with a sleepy sigh. "So good."

My stomach muscles clench; I want so much for her to feel good and enjoy being with me. That she does seems like some sort of miracle. That I met her at all and that we're here makes me feel like I've been given a second chance, and it's one I won't squander.

I don't know how long I make love to her, but she eventually quivers around me and comes with a soft sigh, her hands tight in my hair. I follow closely, calling her name as I lose myself in her.

Bella falls asleep so quickly afterward I have to wonder if she was awake at all. But I'm not far behind and when I wake up again it's morning and Bella is sleeping soundly next to me.

Her hair is obscuring her face so I move it away gently. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps, the burdens of her past not clouding her beautiful features.

Every marriage is different and it certainly takes two to tango, a lesson hard-learned for me, but that any man would find her unsatisfactory in any way and look outside her for sex astounds me. When I told her I would never do that to her I meant it. There's no reason to go looking somewhere else when everything I want is sleeping right next to me.

"Morning," she says, raising her arms above her head and stretching.

"Good morning," I say as she settles herself on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mm-hm. Though I seem to recall waking up at one point."

I smirk and kiss the top of her head, glad she remembers and doesn't seem to mind. "Were you awake for that? I couldn't tell."

Her laugh is music to my ears. It's possibly my favorite sound in the world after my son's voice. "I'll try to take a more active role next time."

"You were perfect," I tell her, running a hand up and down her back. I love that she appreciates my sense of humor and isn't easily offended. Maggie would have pouted for an hour had I said something like that to her.

We lay quietly for a while and I wonder what she's thinking. If she's letting her insecurities and fears get the best of her. But she hasn't left my side so I try not to assume the worst and just enjoy the feel of her naked body pressed to mine.

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

She runs her fingertips across my chest, making me shiver. "Do you ever feel guilty for being happy?"

Her question surprises me, but I try to take it in stride. "I'm not sure what you mean. Guilty in what way?"

She lifts herself on her elbow and looks at me. "I mean if Maggie hadn't left you we wouldn't be here right now." She lowers her head back to my chest and runs her fingertips across my chest again. "I don't want to feel happy that my husband died so I could be here with you."

"I'm not sure one has anything to do with the other. He did die and as far as I know, you don't cause cancer. There was nothing to be done for it."

She nods but I'm not sure she believes what I'm saying. "She left me, Bella, and I was heartbroken. But every experience I had before led me to you, so I can't regret any of them."

"I think I'd be divorced if he hadn't died," she whispers. "But I'm not sure."

"It's impossible to know either way," I say. "I'd like to think you and I would have found each other no matter what."

"Me too," she says softly.

* * *

><p><strong>This was originally much longer but I split it in two, so the next chapter may be EPOV also, or I may rewrite it from BPOV. Either way, you'll see it tomorrow.<strong>

Thank you for reading.


	48. Delay

**Yeah, more EPOV. I didn't want to rewrite it and it seems like most of you enjoyed hearing from him last chapter. Win/win**.

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt:**** Delay**

**This picks up right where the last chapter left off.**

* * *

><p>There's a soft knock at the door and Bella picks up her head and looks at me. "I'll get it," I say, kissing her forehead and getting up. I pull the curtains around the bed to give her some privacy, find my sleep pants on the floor, put them on and answer the door.<p>

Deborah is on the other side with a rolling cart that contains our breakfast. "Good morning," she says brightly, pushing the cart inside the room.

"Morning," I say. "Thanks for this."

"My pleasure. Enjoy." She turns around and leaves quickly, closing the door behind her.

I open the curtains and sit on the bed next to Bella. "Breakfast is here."

"We don't have to eat with everyone else?"

"No. I asked Deborah last night if we could eat in our room. You should have breakfast in bed on your birthday."

She sits up with a smile on her face and kisses me softly on the lips. "How do you always manage to know exactly what I need?"

"I pay attention when something's important."

We eat a leisurely breakfast of french toast, fresh fruit, coffee and juice, then Bella steps outside to call Mae and I dial Maggie's number to check on Seth.

"Hello," she answers.

"It's Edward. Can I speak with Seth?"

"He's in the bathroom," she says curtly. I smirk at her new attitude. She's been so sickly sweet and doting ever since she came back into our lives, even more so after I made my interest in Bella clear. But when she learned about our weekend away her attitude changed completely. She's short and snippy and no longer throws herself at me every chance she gets.

"Should I call back?" I ask.

"I wouldn't want to keep you from anything," she replies testily.

I shake my head and take a breath. "I always have time for my son."

"Except when you want a weekend away with a woman."

"Her name is Bella," I say, losing my cool a little. "This was your weekend with him anyway. If you want to cut back on your visitation I'd be happy to accommodate you."

"You know that's not what I want."

"Then cut it out. Can we at least try to be pleasant?"

"Fine," she says with a huff. "He's here. Hold on."

I hear shuffling followed by two of the best words in the English language: "Hi, Daddy."

"Hey, buddy," I say with a smile, missing him more now that I hear his voice. "What are you up to?"

We talk for a few minutes and Bella walks back in as we're wrapping up. She walks over to where I'm sitting on the bed and I wrap my arm around her while I say goodbye to Seth.

I put the phone down and rest my head on Bella's stomach. Her hands caress my hair and I hold her tightly around the waist. "Everything okay?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say, looking up at her. "How's Mae?"

"Good," she says with a smile. "Having fun."

"What do you say we go do the same, beautiful?"

We spend the day walking around town, holding hands and laughing and kissing like teenagers. Bella sees a keepsake box with seashells and a matching photo album that she buys for Mae.

"Just because I'm ready to move on doesn't mean she is," she says to me as we leave the shop.

I put my arm around her shoulder and kiss her temple. "You're a good mother," I say.

She blushes and looks down and for once, doesn't argue with me. I hope she's starting to realize the truth of those words.

We take a nap together in the afternoon and then we go out for dinner.

I take my time when we get back to the inn, undressing her slowly and laying her down on the rug in front of the fire and using my mouth to make her come.

She calls my name so loudly when she comes I briefly wonder if someone will call the police. And it makes me feel like I've just single-handedly won the Super Bowl.

I cover her body with mine and enter her quickly; she throws her head back and moans, wrapping her legs around me. My brain turns off and I'm a mess of physical and emotional sensation. She feels incredible and I lose myself completely in making love to her.

"Thank you," Bella says as we lay in bed afterward. We're on our sides facing each other, wrapped in a sheet.

"For what?" I ask, touching her cheek.

"For taking me here for my birthday. For not giving up on me. For being who you are."

My cheeks heat up as she leans over and kisses me. "I'll try to do better from now on," she says. I open my mouth to protest, but she stops me. "I can't promise I won't have bad days, but I want this to work and you shouldn't have to do it alone."

"I haven't been. Not really."

"Maybe, but I haven't put in as much effort as you have. You can't deny that."

"It's not a contest," I insist. "I've needed you plenty. Especially last night."

"You should have been sure of me. That you weren't is my fault."

I groan in frustration. "Will you please stop?"

"No. You stop. Let me feel this."

I roll onto my back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath, not really knowing how to respond. I don't want to argue with her and this isn't how I want our night to end. I have flashbacks to arguing with Maggie. She would never argue the topic at hand, it was always about what I did in the past. It was her way of deflecting when she knew I was right. She never apologized and would give me the silent treatment for days afterward if she thought I wasn't contrite enough.

And she wonders why I don't want her back.

I don't have a chance to dwell because next thing I know, Bella's on top of me, her hands on either side of my head, her face inches from mine. "I'm sorry," she whispers. "I just want to be better for you."

"We'll get there," I say, resting my hands on the small of her back. "I'm not worried about it and I don't want you to be either."

She nods and kisses me and lays her head down on my chest. I hold her tightly, profoundly relieved, and somewhat surprised, that our argument seems to be over.

Life can't be that easy, can it?

We get up early the next morning and head home right after breakfast, both of us eager to get home to our children.

"Should we tell them?" Bella asks on the car ride home.

"Tell who what?" I ask, looking quickly over at her and smiling.

"Sorry. You know me so well I sometimes forget you're not a mind-reader. Should we tell the children about... us? Is it time?"

I've wondered about this for a while now. I don't want someone else to leave Seth–he had such a hard time when Maggie disappeared from his life. But I can't shut my life down over something that may or may not happen. I can only protect him–and myself–so much. There's really no reason for delay. I have no intention of letting Bella go.

I lift her hand to my lips and kiss her palm. "I'm ready."

"Me too."

* * *

><p><strong>I know, I ended the last chapter with the same phrase. Kind of a quirky thing, but it seemed fitting.<strong>

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	49. Shuffle

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Shuffle.**

**Back to Bella.**

* * *

><p>I couldn't have imagined I'd walk away from this weekend feeling like I do. I'm... happy. I still carry around a little tightness in my chest and I worry about the future, but even with those concerns, I'm happier right now than I ever remember being. I hope it lasts.<p>

Physically, the sex was amazing and better than any I've ever experienced. It was intense and sweet and incredibly satisfying. More than that though, I feel connected to him on an emotional level. As if something's been awakened in me, something I know in my heart I've never felt before. Not even for the man I previously pledged to love for the rest of my life.

I watch Edward as he drives us home and realize I don't want to leave his side. As much as I miss Mae I don't want to have to choose between them. I want them both with me all the time. I'm not struck dumb or shocked by this thought. It makes me feel like I want to run home and start moving boxes. But I know it's too soon for any of that. Telling the kids is a big step and I still have a way to go in therapy before I can give Edward everything he deserves out of a relationship. But I want to give it to him, and soon.

"I'm not sure Maeve will understand the term boyfriend or what it means," I say from the passenger seat of Edward's Mercedes. We're still a while from home and the traffic is light.

"Is that what I am?" Edward asks, looking at me quickly with a twinkle in his eye.

"I was going to pass you a note in homeroom on Monday and ask," I say.

He laughs and kisses my hand and then I get us back on topic. "Seriously. I'm not sure what to tell her."

He wears his thinking face for a little while before he answers me. "You know, Seth sees Kate too."

"Oh!" I say after a moment. "Do you think she would see us together?"

"I don't see why not," he says. "Maybe she can give us some advice about what to tell them."

I lean over and kiss his cheek. "You're brilliant."

* * *

><p>Kate is able to shuffle her schedule so Edward and I can meet with her later that week while the kids are in school. She's not sure a big announcement is necessary since the children are already used to seeing us together. It could be more of a natural progression. She suggests we slowly spend more time together to acclimate them to our new relationship, but to be ready for when they have questions, because they will.<p>

So that's what we do. We all have dinner together a few nights a week and Edward and I don't hide our affection for each other. The four of us spend whole weekends together and when Seth is with Maggie, Edward's with us. It feels good and natural. Like we're a family.

Maeve and Seth don't ask us any questions about the new affection in our relationship or the increased time we spend together. I worry, but Kate assures me during one of our regular meetings that Maeve is making good progress and there's no cause for concern. Edward hears the same about Seth so we just keep doing what we've been doing.

For my part, I thought after my weekend away with Edward my therapy would be easier, but it's actually more difficult. I am by turns guilty and distraught, angry and sad. Working through my feelings is confusing and hard work, but I know it'll be better for me and for Mae in the long run.

Edward is my constant through all my turmoil. He's patient and loving and the best listener I've ever met. He's everything I didn't know I wanted and needed and I never want to know what life is like without him again.

* * *

><p>"Come on, kiddo, time for bed." Mae looks at me with sad eyes but it's already late for her to be up. Seth is with Maggie for the weekend and Edward and I have been watching <em>Tangled<em> with her–again–at my house.

"Come on," I say, getting up from my place on the couch and holding out my hand to her.

She shakes her head and looks at Edward. "I want Seth's daddy to put me to bed."

Edward looks as surprised as I feel but I nod my head when he looks at me for permission. She's already brushed her teeth and is in her pajamas so they can go right up.

He scoops her up and she puts her arms around his neck. "'Night, Mama," she says. I lean over and give her a kiss, then give one to Edward, who looks incredibly happy to be performing this mundane task.

He takes her upstairs and I pace around the living room for a few minutes. I'm not nervous, but I feel jumpy and want to know what's going on. So much of my future relies on these two people and if they don't form some sort of relationship, I don't know what I'll do.

I creep up the stairs and listen outside the open door to Mae's room as Edward finishes reading her what sounds like _Pinkalicious_.

"Are you going to be my dad?" I hear her ask. My heart starts pounding in my chest and my palms are suddenly sweaty.

"I care about you and your mom, but your dad is always going to be your dad. I'm not trying to replace him," Edward answers.

"Are you going to marry my mom?"

"I hope to some day, yes. But not right now."

"So then you'll be my dad?" she persists.

"I love you like a daughter," he answers. "I'd like it some day if you saw me as a father-figure. But your mom and I will make sure you never forget your dad."

She's quiet for too long and I fear she's too upset to respond and I may have to go in. Then I hear shuffling and my daughter's sweet voice.

"Would you like to see my shells?" she asks Edward.

"I'd love to."

I walk downstairs and sit on the couch, waiting for him to come down. He appears ten minutes later and sits next to me. "I think she's going to be fine. She showed me her shells I read her a book."

I hear what he's saying but I don't process it because I'm focused on one thing. I get up and reposition myself on his lap, straddling his hips, my hands in his hair. "What is it?" he asks, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I love you."

He blinks up at me as I hover over him and I worry for a moment before he pulls me into a kiss. A kiss that makes my toes curl and my heartbeat quicken. "I love you so much," he says softly after our lips part. He kisses me again and the way he loves me and my daughter makes me want to cry.

"What?" he asks, pulling his lips from mine. As always, he reads me like a book.

"I was upstairs. I hear what you said to Mae."

"Oh." He looks down but I lift his chin with my finger.

"You're amazing. I'll never know what I did to deserve you, but my daughter will be lucky to have you as her step-father some day."

"Yeah?" he asks, looking relieved and happy.

"Yeah. Now take me to bed and show me how much you love me."

* * *

><p><strong>I think just one more chapter, folks. It'll be epilogue-ish. Truthfully, I think I could write about these two forever, but I don't want to bore anyone.<strong>

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	50. Limited

Long-ass a/n at the end.

**Not betad.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Prompt: Limited**

* * *

><p>It's almost a year since we made our relationship official, and Edward is building us our dream house. We sold mine and used the money to buy a plot of land not far from where we live now and we've been living at Edward's ever since. It seemed wise since my house was filled with memories of Jasper and Edward hadn't lived in his with anyone except Seth. But we wanted a completely fresh start, which is why we're having the new house built. Esme is very generously decorating it for us as a gift and it should be complete in the next few months.<p>

Maggie no longer comes and goes as she pleases; this is mine and Maeve's home now too, after all. She still doesn't like me much but she's perfectly polite to me and unfailingly kind to Maeve. I can't really ask for much more. She has Seth for the full week she wanted; it wasn't easy for Edward to give her that, but he, as always, wanted to do the right thing for his son. Our family doesn't feel complete when Seth isn't with us, but he loves Maggie and Edward would never deny Seth his mother.

I'm still seeing Angela, but as the weeks pass I feel stronger and I think we're both coming to the conclusion that my time with her is coming to an end. My reservations about trusting Edward are long gone and my anger toward my late husband seems to matter less and less. He's gone and I need to live here, with Edward and our children. Here is where I'm happy and content and loved by the most extraordinary man I've ever met.

Seth and Maeve fight like any brother and sister, but they seem to have an unusual bond. I'll hear them talking sometimes and shake my head; they sound so much older than their almost eight years. But for the most part, they're happy, well-adjusted children. They both still see Kate. We want their transition to a new family structure to be as easy as possible on them and having someone on the outside to talk to seems to help them both.

Despite their generally good behavior and sweet nature, they test us constantly, sometimes together, mostly individually. But the one thing we always make sure to do is back each other up, no matter the situation. We may disagree later, but in front of them we present a united front.

"Come on, up to bed," I tell Maeve, rising from my spot on the couch next to Edward and holding my hand out to her. "We have a long day tomorrow."

"Why do I have to go if Seth doesn't?" Maeve asks.

"Because Seth is with his mother this weekend," I say. "Don't worry, it'll be fun."

"But there are no kids to play with at Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett's when Seth isn't there! The baby is too small to play with."

"I'll be there," Edward says with a smile.

"You're not fun," she whines.

"Hey! You don't speak to Edward like that, young lady."

She literally stamps her foot and I'm about to lose it when Edward steps in. "What do you mean I'm not fun?" He picks her up and tosses her over his shoulder and spins her around. "How's that for fun?" She laughs in delight and he stops and holds her upside down by her ankle, making her laugh louder.

"Stop it, Daddy!" she cries happily. Edward stills and rights Maeve, first looking at her then at me, his eyes wide.

"What did you just call me?" he asks Maeve with a smile.

She starts to cry and Edward looks over at me, an almost frightened look on his face. Maeve wiggles out of his grasp and he lets her go. She runs upstairs and I lay a hand on Edward's arm, kiss him, and then follow her.

"It's okay," I tell her, sitting down on her bed and putting her on my lap.

"I didn't mean to. It just came out." Fat tears are falling down her cheeks and her lip is quivering.

"It's okay," I say again, holding her tightly. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Do you think Daddy would be mad that I called Edward Daddy?"

I take a deep breath and try to find a satisfying answer without lying to her. "I don't know," I finally say. "What I do know is your father loved you and he'd want you to be happy, no matter what. And if calling Edward Daddy makes you happy, then I think that's okay."

"I don't want to forget Daddy."

"You won't. We'll make sure of it, okay?"

"Okay," she says with a sniff.

"I know it probably feels confusing. Just do what feels right and we'll work out the rest."

She nods and her eyes droop. I tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.

I find Edward in our bedroom, changed into his pajamas and sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees.

"Is she all right?" he asks when I walk in.

"She's fine," I say, standing in front of him and threading my fingers through his hair as he looks up at me. "She feels guilty. As if seeing you as a father is somehow disloyal to Jasper."

He nods and closes his eyes, lowering his head to rest on my stomach. "It's okay," I tell him. "It was a very natural thing for her to call you Daddy. She just needs to come to terms with it."

He nods and sighs and wraps his arms around my waist.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah." He looks up at me. "I didn't realize how much I wanted to hear that until she said it. But that feels selfish."

I sit in his lap and take his face in my hands. "You are the most giving person I know. It's not selfish to want to be a parent to a child you love."

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them, they're wet. "I don't want to take anything away from her father, I just..." He trails off and shakes his head, hugging me tightly.

I hug him back and place a small kiss on his neck. "I love you. You're an amazing father to both of our children."

He pulls away and looks at me, a shy smile on his face. "I'd like to be an amazing husband."

"I think that can be arranged."

* * *

><p>We take Seth and Maeve with us when, a year later, we decide to get married in Hawaii. We limited the guest list to the people we're closest to: my parents, Carlisle and Esme, and Emmett and Rosalie and their son. They're all spending the week so Edward and I can have a proper honeymoon but still spend time with the kids when we come up for air.<p>

Edward and I wake up with our children in our rented beach side villa and get ready together the morning of the wedding. It never occurs to us to follow the silly tradition of not seeing each other on our wedding day. We're a family.

I wear a simple white sundress. I feel pretty and happy and I'm more sure I want to spend my life with Edward than I've ever been of anything.

"You look pretty, Mom," Seth says. This is new for him, calling me Mom, and he tries it out whenever he has a chance. Maeve has been calling Edward Daddy for so long it feels like it's always been that way. But we still spend time talking about Jasper and she still keeps her shells next to his picture on her bedside table.

"Thanks," I say, turning from the mirror I'm using to put on my makeup and ruffling his hair. "You look mighty handsome."

He smiles at me and Maeve rolls her eyes and tugs his arm. "Come on," she says. "I saw some frogs outside."

"Don't get your clothes dirty!" I call after them.

Edward comes up behind me as places his hands on my shoulders and looks at me in the mirror. He's dressed in light linen pants and an open-collared white shirt and he looks so handsome my heart feels like it might beat out of my chest.

"You're beautiful," he says, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on my bare shoulder.

I reach my arm back and rest my hand on the back of his head. "I love you. I still have a hard time believing we're here."

"Why?" he asks, lifting his head.

I shrug. "Think about where I was two years ago. You shoveled my walk and I shouted at you and hid in my house for a month."

He laughs softly and meets my gaze in the mirror. "That was the beginning of my diabolical plan to make you fall in love with me."

I turn and wind my arms around his neck. "No, that was you being you. It's because of you that I'm better."

"No," he says, shaking his head and holding me around the waist. "That was all you. You did the hard work. I sat by and watched. And reaped the rewards." He's smiling that easy smile I love so much and that still, even after all this time, makes my knees weak.

"I couldn't have done it without you," I insist.

"Of course you could have," he says in that insufferable way of his. Still building up my self-confidence every day we're together.

We're married among the waterfall and lush gardens of Pukalani Falls. We keep our vows simple. We don't need splashy and over the top. We love each other and this is almost a formality. Though a formality we both wanted. Badly.

Edward loves me thoroughly and without reservation. He's a devoted husband and father and I can only hope I give him the same in return. He says I do and most of the time I believe him. But he's so good and patient and I wonder if I'll ever live up to the standard he sets. He is one in a million and I still wake up next to him some days wondering at the turn my life took when he moved in next door.

I thought I was happy with Jasper, but that wasn't happy. That was just getting by. This is happy. It's perfect and wonderful and _right_.

Edward is my first and only true love and the second chance I never dreamed I'd have. And it's a chance I won't squander.

* * *

><p><strong>Pukalani Falls is an absolutely beautiful location in Hawaii and perfect for a small wedding ceremony like Edward and Bella had here.<br>**

**Thank you to everyone who read this experiment of mine. I enjoyed the process of using the prompts and posting short, frequent chapters. I may just do it again. And there's a possibility I'll revisit these characters. I'm kind of attached. But no promises.**

**Thanks to arfalcon, Just4ALE, and Songster, who all at various points helped me with this story and gave me the encouragement to continue. They're beautiful, generous women and I'm lucky to know them.**

**Thank you to Emmy, Jen, and Jess over at the PPSS for including this story in their Lemon Report. Love you, ladies.**

**Special thanks to everyone who took the time to leave a review. You gave me the will to push on, especially on the days when the words didn't want to come.**

**Thanks for sticking with me through to the end. I hope to see you all again.  
><strong>


	51. Outtake 1

**Here we are again. I don't quite know why I wrote this except I missed these characters a little and I thought it would be fun to take a peek at their future.**

**Thanks to Just4ALE and arfalcon for their help with this. I'm lucky to know such smart, generous women.**

**No prompt!**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I still don't sleep well without Edward. It's not insomnia like it was before, I just miss him when he's not here. I feel unsettled.<p>

He's working late tonight so I'm on my own. The kids are fed, their homework is done, and they've been tucked in as much as two ten year old kids will allow. I fall into a fitful sleep after midnight and wake up some time later when Edward slips into bed with me. "Hey," I say, turning around on my side to face him.

"Hey," he says with a weary voice. Even in the darkness I can see how tired he is. "Sorry I woke you."

"S'okay. How did everything go?"

He moves closer to me and rests his head close to my chest. He hums when I put my hand in his hair. "Good. The last minute changes are finally complete and we'll see what Marcus says in the morning."

Marcus Adams is the Executive Director of the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. Edward's firm bid on an expansion project, never expecting it would be accepted; they were up against every big architect in Boston. But Marcus was so impressed with Edward's plan he awarded him the contract. This project could make or break Edward's career and it's so important that it go well. He's hired extra staff since so many of them are dedicated to this full-time. Edward included.

"I'm glad this part will be finished soon. You've been so tired."

"Mmm. Jane quit today,"

"Jane your office manager?"

"Yeah. She gave us a month's notice," he says through a yawn. "Something about wanting to spend more time with her grandchildren."

"In the middle of this project? What are you going to do?"

"Don't know." I have to strain to hear him since he's drifting off to sleep.

"Honey, this is important. Doesn't she do all of your accounting? Your taxes and payroll?"

"Mm-hm."

"Edward, this isn't something that can wait. Do you have a replacement in mind?"

"Just you," he mumbles.

"Me?" I ask. "Edward?"

He doesn't answer me because he's fallen asleep. I'm sure he wasn't serious.

"I was completely serious," he says the next morning. His eyes are so tired and I can't wait for this project to be over so he can get some decent sleep.

"I have a job," I remind him, leaning up against the kitchen counter and sipping my coffee.

"So quit," he says, putting his coffee cup down on the counter next to me.

"I can't just quit my job."

"Why not? Jane did. Come on." He smirks and wraps his arms around my waist. Even exhausted, he's still so handsome he makes my knees weak. "We'll get to be together all day every day." He leans in and kisses my neck. I giggle and I hear a snort from the other end of the kitchen.

"You two are gross," Seth says through a mouthful of cereal.

Edward takes his cup from the counter and pours the remainder of his coffee down the sink. "Mind your manners," he says.

"Sorry, Dad. But no one needs to see that."

"I meant talking with your mouth full. Feel free to call us gross as often as you'd like." He walks over to the table and kisses Seth on the head, then Maeve, and then grabs his computer bag. "Think about what I said," he calls to me. "Love you all."

I shake my head and rinse out my coffee cup. "Come on, kids. Time for school." They get up, almost in tandem, and put their cereal bowls in the sink.

"Why don't you want to work for Daddy?" Maeve asks from the back seat of the car as I drive them to school.

"Oh, it's not that I don't want to. I just have a job already."

"But wouldn't it be cool to work for Dad?" Seth asks.

"Sure it would," I say carefully.

"Remember when you had to pick me up last week? At least your boss wouldn't get mad, since it'd be Dad."

I nod. Seth was sick last week and the school couldn't find Edward or Maggie, so I had to pick him up. Barbara docked me an entire day, though I'd worked until noon. She'd later apologized and corrected her mistake, but the point was made. Lord knows I wouldn't have to deal with that if I worked for Edward.

"How did you know about my boss?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "I heard you and Dad talking."

"We hear you all the time," Mae adds.

"Hear us what?" I ask nervously, looking at her in the rear view mirror.

"Talking. Kissing and laughing sometimes," she says, wrinkling her nose.

"Gross," Seth mutters.

I pull up in front of the school and they both hop out with a kiss and a "Love you, Mom."

I spend the morning thinking about Edward's offer. I've been with Barbara since before Maeve was born. I realize as I sit there pondering, however, that the work is no longer challenging or interesting. It's comfortable, to be sure. I know the ins and outs and rarely have an issue I can't handle. If nothing else, working with Edward would be new and hopefully challenging.

Still, change can be scary. There's always the possibility I'll hate the work or be completely out of my depth. Edward's small firm is still bigger than where I work now and I don't want to overestimate my abilities.

I call Edward at noon. "Did you really mean it?" I ask.

"Absolutely. Give your two weeks and Jane can train you before she leaves." I love the confidence in his voice. It's always been one of my sexiest things about my husband.

"Give me the day to think about it. We'll talk tonight. When will you be home?"

"No later than seven, I hope." He sounds tired and a little sad. I know he misses the children; at least he and I have the opportunity to spend some time together, no matter how brief, when he gets home.

"Okay, love you."

"Love you too. Come and work here so I can tell you that multiple times a day, in person."

I'm smiling when I hang up the phone.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry I've been working so much. I know it's hard for you with the kids," Edward says in bed that night. He wasn't home by seven; it was closer to ten and Maeve and Seth were already in bed. At least he was home before midnight.<p>

"It's fine," I say, running a hand through his hair. He's lying with his head on my chest and our legs are tangled together.

"No, it's not. I hate to put that burden on you. You've seemed just as tired as me lately."

"Mmm." It's true, but I don't need to add to his stress. He's always so focused on me and my happiness and I want him to be able to be free of that for a little while. "I just want you to finish this project so you can perform your husbandly duties."

I can feel his smile against my chest. "It has been a while, hasn't it? I thought women weren't supposed to enjoy marital relations. Don't you just usually close your eyes and go to your happy place?"

I laugh, loudly and freely, and Edward joins me. This is my favorite time with him. It's like the nights we used to spend on the swing, except we're happier and warm in bed together. We still have our swing and we go out and sit on it in the warmer weather. I don't think we'll ever get rid of it.

"Am I that obvious?" I ask.

"I was thinking of giving you a stick to bite next time."

This leads to another round of giggles during which Edward switches positions so he's prone on top of me. My giggles are swallowed by a kiss. "It's been too long," he says, pulling his lips from mine. "I'm sorry I've been so distracted."

I can feel him; he's already hard so I waste no time getting us both out of our pajama bottoms. I don't bother with the rest of our clothes. That would take too long. "Want you," I say breathlessly as he lavishes kisses along my neck. He hums and threads our fingers together and I gasp when we're joined. We've been together for three years and being with Edward is somehow both new and comfortingly familiar.

"I've missed you," he says as we move together.

"I missed you too."

He makes love to me slowly and sweetly and I feel like I always do with him: loved, cherished, satisfied, sexy. But somehow it never gets old. He lays his head on my chest afterward and I run my fingers through his hair as my breathing slows and my body relaxes.

"Have you thought about coming to work in the office?" he asks.

"I have, actually."

"Really?" he asks, picking up his head and smiling.

"Really."

He rolls his eyes. "And?"

"And... if you're sure it can work..."

His smile widens and he raises himself on his elbow. "It definitely can."

"Will I need to come in for an interview?"

"Maybe. I hear the boss is a real hard-ass."

I wrap my leg around him and pull him fully on top of me. "That's the word on the street."

"I really would love for you to come work at the office. Jane always dealt with Riley and without someone strong to rein him in, he can become a bit… intense."

I quirk an eyebrow but he just smiles. "It's nothing you can't handle, believe me. I wouldn't suggest it otherwise." He searches my face and kisses me softly before he continues. "It's selfish, I know, to want you all to myself, but I'm okay with that. Give your notice." There's that confidence again. I'm powerless to refuse him when he's like this. And I don't want to.

I take a deep breath and put my hand on the side of his face. "Okay."

"Okay?"

I nod. "Yes."

* * *

><p>I give my notice to Barbara, who tries to convince me to stay with promises of a bump in salary and additional vacation time. But the prospect of working with Edward is too tempting.<p>

I've met almost everyone who works for Edward before, of course, but in the capacity of his wife, not their office manager. There's some talking during my first few weeks. I don't know if I'm meant to hear it, but I do. The general consensus seems to be that I'm here as Edward's lackey, I can't be trusted, and my abilities are questionable. I ask Edward about it but he shrugs it off. "As long as you do your job, they have nothing to say," he tells me.

Still, I'm a little awkward at first even though the work is straightforward and familiar. I'm really working for Riley, Edward's partner, since he handles the business end. He comes off as a bit arrogant, but he and Edward have been partners for a long time and it works for them.

Edward stays away from me purposely, wanting me to find my footing on my own. We have lunch together when we can and we sneak into each other's office for an occasional mid-morning or afternoon kiss, but we try to keep it infrequent and private.

About a month in, Riley approaches me about checking into amending the company health insurance plan. It's hush, hush, he says, but they want to change plans so the company is required to pay less. Having access to the accounts, I find this surprising, but he's the boss so I do as I'm asked. I come up with three alternatives and present them to Riley in his office a week later.

He compliments me on my work and chooses a plan that requires employees to pay the bulk of the costs, and tells me to implement it.

He's being unfair, and I tell him so. This isn't something I would have done in the past. I don't know if it's the confidence being Edward's wife gives me, or if it's just because I'm stronger in general, but I don't hesitate.

He looks at me patiently and shakes his head. "We need to stay solvent through the Boston Museum project. We've hired additional staff and need to make up for their salaries somewhere else."

"Not really," I say. "If you notice in the last receivables report I gave you, once the museum pays us we'll have made up for any loss incurred, and then some."

"That's provided we get paid. Non-profits are notorious for paying late."

"But they've paid us on time from the beginning. Why would that change now?"

He sighs and pinches his nose between his fingers, as if he's losing patience with me. It's a gesture I find completely irritating.

"I think I know what's best for this company. I founded it. You've been here for a month." He's speaking to me like I'm a child and it rankles me.

"With all due respect," I begin, my voice rising, "I've looked at the accounts and the company is doing better now than ever before. Your employees should be benefiting from that, not suffering."

"Who are you to question my decisions?" he says rather loudly.

"_You_ asked me to look into this and I'm telling you, this isn't right. I won't sit idly by while you're being unfair to everyone who works here," I practically shout.

"That's not your business, no matter whose wife you are."

"Excuse me?"

"I told him this was a bad idea," he says, almost to himself.

"Go back to work, everyone," I hear Edward say from behind me. I turn and realize the door has been open this whole time and a crowd has gathered. They're shuffling back to their desks as Edward walks into the office and closes the door.

He stands next to me, but looks at Riley. "What's the problem?"

"This doesn't concern you," he replies. His tone is even but he looks annoyed.

"It does concern me," Edward says. I know him; I can feel him reining in his temper. "I didn't say anything when you made Anna cry last week, or when the museum called complaining that someone here asked for payment when it's not yet past due. But now you're drawing a crowd. What's the problem?"

Edward turns to me so I answer him. "Remember I told you he asked me to look into changing the company health plan?" Edward nods. "I did, but I think the one he chose is unfair to your employees."

"And that's not for her to decide," Riley says.

Edward takes a breath and clenches his jaw. "Be that as it may," he says to Riley, "there is a way we speak to employees, and you seem to have forgotten that." Edward waits a beat. "Was her work substandard?"

"No."

"I realize you have issues with me hiring her, but she's smart and she knows her business. You'd be wise to at least listen to her."

Riley sighs and nods as Edward walks slowly up to the desk, lays his hands flat on the top, and lowers his voice to barely above a whisper. "And I'll remind you this is my wife you're speaking to." The menace in his voice makes me shiver. "We'll talk about this later."

Riley looks shocked–and a little frightened–as Edward walks away. I follow him into his office, close the door behind me, and let out a long breath. I hope I'm not fired by my own husband. "I'm sor–"

His lips are on mine before I can finish. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him back as he presses me up against his office door. His hands are on the side of my face, his gentle touch a contrast to his demanding lips. I moan into his mouth and he pulls away.

"God, I love you," he says.

I smile against his mouth and tug on his hair. "The feeling is mutual, boss."

"I know you didn't do that on purpose, but something tells me things are about to get easier for you around here with the other employees."

He's right. After the incident, everyone in the office, including Riley, seems to have a new found respect for me.

And we get to keep our old health plan.

* * *

><p><strong>I have one more outtake in the works. If I finish in time, it'll be included with the Fandom Gives Back compilation. There are over 70 authors contributing, and you can get the whole shebang for a $5 donation to Alex's Lemonade Stand, which is a foundation that funds research to cure childhood cancer.<strong>

**Even if I don't have this done in time, there will definitely be a Dear Mr. Masen outtake included. It's a good cause. Please consider donating if you haven't already.**

**Thanks so much for reading.**


	52. FGB Outtake

_This was originally written for the Fandom Gives Back compilation back in December. This takes place a few months after the last outtake. I hope you enjoy this little snapshot into their lives._

_Thanks to arfalcon for her time and encouragement._

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Bella<strong>_

Ever since the addition on the Museum of Fine Art in Boston was completed, Edward's professional life has been busier than ever. The business is growing so quickly it's sometimes difficult to keep up. We've had to hire more staff, and I even got myself an assistant. Maybe it wasn't fair, but part of the reason was so I could be home with the children while he was at work. With both of our workloads increased, we didn't want the children to suffer.

I feel fortunate I get to see Edward at work every day, but sometimes the Seth and Maeve aren't as lucky. So when it comes time for Seth to leave for a weekend with his mother, he's resistant.

"I've barely seen Dad all week," he tells me over dinner on Thursday night. "Can't we just skip this week?"

"I don't know. I'll have to speak with your father. But you know your mother doesn't like to switch her days."

"I can go next weekend," he grumbles.

"We have plans with your grandparents next weekend," I remind him.

He drops his fork on his plate with a loud clatter and runs up the stairs. Seth is an incredibly well-mannered, even-tempered child, so this surprises me. I look over at Mae, but she just shrugs her shoulders. I briefly consider calling Edward but then decide to just talk to Seth myself after Mae and I finish dinner.

I knock softly on his bedroom door and he tells me to come in. He's sitting on his bed with his legs out in front of him and looks up from the book he's reading when I come in.

"What happened?" I ask as I sit on the edge of the bed.

"Sorry, Mom."

"I appreciate your apology, but that doesn't answer my question. What happened?"

He puts his book aside and looks down. "Do you think I could just... stay here?"

I blink as I try to work out what he's saying. "For the weekend?" I ask.

He shakes his head and I think I understand. "When would you see your mom?"

He shrugs one shoulder and looks up at me. "I'm sick of this back and forth."

"I'm sorry. I know it can't be easy for you."

"It's not fair." He runs a hand through his hair, a trait he no doubt picked up from his father, and looks down again. "Can't I decide when I want to go there or be here?"

I pull him into a hug and rub his back. "I'm not sure how your mom and dad would feel about that. Have you spoken to either of them about it?"

"No," he says, pulling away from me. "Mom always talks about how much she misses me and wishes we could spend more time together. And Dad hasn't been home much."

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I don't think I have a good answer for you."

"It's okay," he mumbles. He's still upset, but there's not much I can do. When it comes down to it, I'm not his mother and I have no right to tell him where he can be on a given weekend. It hurts, because I think of him as my own. I do all the things a parent does, and I want to feel like a real parent. But I'm not.

I kiss Seth on top of his head and tell him he can come down for dessert if he wants to.

I hear him and Maeve talking about what happened over bowls of ice cream a few minutes later, but I don't eavesdrop. He's told me what he wants me to know.

Later, when Edward and I are lying in bed, I tell him what happened. "Do you think something happens when he's there?" he asks me. I know what he's thinking. Maggie has been dating someone for a while and it's starting to get serious. Seth mentioned meeting Tim a few weeks back but didn't seem to have much of an opinion about him.

"I don't know for sure. But he told me he just doesn't like the back and forth between here and there."

Edward nods, a thoughtful look on his face. "There has to be an age where we allow him to make his own decisions about where he is. I just don't know when that is."

"Is that something you and Maggie ever discussed?"

"No," he says, his brow furrowed. "I... do you think Maggie and I have discussions about Seth you're not privy to?"

"Well... I don't know. It's not my place, really, to be involved with decisions like that."

"How can you say that? You're with him more than she is."

"But that's just it, she's his mother. I'm not." This hurts to say. More than I thought it would. But it's the truth and I can't change it.

Edward raises himself on his elbow so he's hovering over me. He searches my face for a moment before he speaks. "Is that how you feel?"

"I... No, it's not." I let out a low groan and close my eyes. When I open them, Edward's still there with the same look on his face. "I feel like his mother, but I'm not. I can't make major decisions about his life."

"I don't leave you out of anything." He's so earnest and sweet and I know what he's doing. But facts are facts.

I take a deep breath and swallow my growing frustration. "It's not like it is with you and Mae. You've already legally adopted her. Her father isn't here. You _are_her father, day in and day out. I'm with Seth more than Maggie yet I have zero rights where he's concerned."

"Technically, that's true. But you know he loves you–"

"I know that," I interrupt. "That's not the point. Edward, if something were to happen to you, he'd be taken from me and I would have no right to keep him."

He nods his head and I see from his expression that realization is dawning. He leans against the headboard and gathers me into his arms. "I'm sorry," he says, kissing the top of my head. "I never thought about it that way."

"I do. All the time."

* * *

><p>"Edward's working," I tell Maggie when she comes to pick up Seth on Friday night. "Seth is upstairs getting his school books together."<p>

"Actually, can I talk to you for a minute?" she asks.

I nod and usher her into the kitchen. "What can I do for you?" This isn't normal for us. While her animosity seems to be gone, she generally deals with Edward, and then only when it's about Seth. I can count the number of times she's been in this house on one hand. We sort of exist on the periphery of each others lives, though we share someone important to us both. It's an odd situation, but it's been successful so far.

"Um..." She sits at the kitchen table and looks at me uncomfortably. "I met someone."

I nod. "Seth told me."

"Of course he did," she says with a small smile. She takes a deep breath and continues. "I really care about Tim. I haven't felt this way in a long time and we're talking about getting married."

"That's great," I say. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks." Her cheeks pink up – it's nice to see her happy after all these years. "The thing is, he's being transferred to St. Louis."

"Oh."

"I know Edward will never let me take Seth," she says quickly. "And I don't want to go to court or anything."

"Okay," I say. I don't know what she's driving at and it's making me anxious.

"I'd like to go with Tim and, maybe, hopefully, have Seth come for the summer. I was thinking Christmas break too, and maybe some long holiday weekends, but I somehow doubt Edward would allow that."

She's starting to sound a little bitter, which is understandable. Yes, she made her own bed, but Edward has complete control over when she sees her son and that can't be easy. He's generous, but we all know he doesn't have to be.

"Why are you telling me this and not Edward?"

"I've known Edward since we were teenagers, but you know him better than I do." She smiles tightly and shakes her head. "I was just wondering if you thought he'd be amenable to the idea of Seth spending the summer."

I let out a long breath, taking a moment to ponder what she's asking. "He's not going to be happy," I tell her honestly. "But you know as well as I do he'll do what's right for Seth."

She nods and looks at me nervously. "Can I ask you not to tell him until I'm ready?"

I immediately shake my head. "No way. He's my husband. I can't keep this from him, and I won't."

"Okay." She glances at her watch. "Will he be home soon?"

"He's been working late, so I'm not sure. But it's Friday and he usually tries to be home before Seth leaves."

"Seth told me about Edward's long hours. But the Boston Museum, that's exciting."

"It is," I say with a nod and a smile.

"I can take Seth for some extra nights if the kids are too much while Edward's working so much."

"No, that's all right."

"I really don't mind."

"She said no." I jump at the sound of Edward's voice. I'm shocked I didn't hear him come in, and it's early for him to be home.

He walks over and kisses me hello, then regards Maggie. "You're still here."

"Yeah," she says nervously, her eyes darting from me to Edward. "I had something I wanted to talk to you about."

Edward takes my hand as we sit next to each other across from Maggie. She tells him her proposal regarding her marriage and move to St. Louis, and wanting Seth to spend summers with her.

"Absolutely not," he says immediately.

"Why not?" she asks.

"Because I'm not going to go three months without my son. Forget it."

"It's not really that long," she insists. "It's just July and August."

"No."

"Edward, please. I've been paying for my mistakes for so long. You've moved on. You're happy. Please let me do the same."

"I'm not stopping you. You're just not taking my son with you."

"I can't marry Tim unless you compromise on Seth. Please, Edward." She looks and sounds desperate, and while I have sympathy for her, I want what's best for my family. I'm just not sure Edward being unbending on this _is_ the right thing. At least not for Seth.

I squeeze Edward's hand under the table and he looks at me, his expression softening. "Remember the other night?" I remind him.

"Yes, and this would be worse. Two months? That's too long." He looks at me with wide eyes, almost willing me to understand. And I do.

"I know, sweetheart. I'll miss him too. But don't dismiss the idea quite yet." I touch his cheek with my hand and smile. "The one person whose opinion matters isn't part of this conversation."

He nods and leans over and kisses me softly. "You're right. I'll go talk to him."

Edward gets up and goes to Seth, leaving Maggie and me alone at the table.

"I want that," Maggie says.

"What?"

"A relationship like you and Edward have. He's different. He was never like that with me."

"He loved you," I say, though I'm not sure why.

She smiles and shakes her head. "Not like he loves you." She laughs, and there's a hint of bitterness in it. "God, I used to hate you. You had everything I wanted and I blamed you for my complete failure as a wife and mother. How pathetic is that?"

"I'm not sure it's pathetic, but it is understandable," I say with a shrug. "You're happy with Tim, aren't you?"

"Very much so," she says with a smile.

I think she wants to say more but Edward walks into the kitchen with Seth, who hugs and kisses his mother and sits next to me at the table with Edward on his other side. It's almost like us against her and it makes me feel a little bad.

"Seth has some questions," Edward says, placing a reassuring hand on Seth's shoulder.

Seth asks his questions, mostly about what he'd do and what would happen if he wanted to come home. He seems upset that his mother is moving out of state, but not overly so and I wonder if he realizes how little he'll really see her. Maggie and Edward answer his questions the best they can and when he seems satisfied, they ask him what he thinks.

He leans into Edward a little, his expression anxious. He's still only a child and this is a big decision for him to make. So I speak up for the first time since Seth joined us. "Why don't you take some time to think about it? We need to decide right now, do we?" I look over at Edward and he nods.

"When is this all happening?" Edward asks Maggie.

"Sometime in the next four months or so." She looks nervous but I don't think pressuring Seth is the right move.

"Go get your things, buddy," Edward tells Seth.

Once he's gone, Edward looks pointedly at Maggie. "I think it's fair to let him have a say in this decision, but please don't spend the weekend trying to influence him. Let him be."

She nods and we all get up from the table. Maggie thanks us and starts to walk out of the kitchen but Edward calls her back. "Mags?"

She stops and turns around. "Yeah?"

He walks up to her and puts his hands on her shoulders. "I'm happy you found someone. Really."

She smiles up at him. "Thanks."

"But I'm always going to do what I think is right for my family. That includes not only Seth, but my wife and my daughter also."

She nods and her eyes flick to me before settling back on Edward. "I don't doubt it. That's always been one of the most amazing things about you." She smiles and walks away.

I wrap my arms around Edward from behind. "You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah." He turns and hugs me tightly.

* * *

><p>We talk quite a lot over the next few days, but come to no decisions. About a week after Maggie's visit, our bedroom door opens in the middle of the night and Maeve comes padding in. Light is streaming in from the hallway and she bypasses me and goes right for Edward.<p>

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, baby?" He sounds sleepy but manages to also sound kind and unsurprised by her presence.

"Is Seth going away?"

"What? No, baby," he says, sounding more awake. "Come here." She crawls into bed and Edward holds her close between us.

I suddenly feel awful. We should have either made it a point to keep our conversations private or explained to her what was going on. With only partial information she's assumed the worst and it's been keeping her up at night. I kiss her head and look over at Edward, whose expression tells me he's feeling exactly what I am.

"Seth's mom is moving away," Edward tells her. His voice is so gentle and sweet when he talks to her, even more so here in the dark. "He may go and spend a little time with her, but it won't be forever."

"It will be just like when he spends a week with his mom, just a little bit longer," I say. "He'll always come back."

She nods and I watch as her eyes get heavy. She burrows in closer to Edward and I know we're going to have a guest for the duration. I get up, turn off the hall light, and close the door. I think Edward and Maeve are already asleep but I stay up for a while, pondering our little family and the ties that bind us all together.

_**Edward**_

Ever since Maggie walked out on us, Seth has been mine and mine alone. I let her see him after she came breezing back into our lives, but I've never felt like she was a partner in raising him.

But Bella is, and as much as I feel like we're his parents and want to raise my son with her, I face reality on a weekly basis when we have to juggle our schedules to accommodate the time he needs to spend with his mother.

As I ponder our changing situation, part of me wants to tell Maggie no, she can't have my son for the summer. It's a time for vacation and quality time he could be spending with his family.

But I probably won't tell her no because despite everything, Seth loves her and I know she loves him.

Maeve seems to better understand what's going on and hasn't made any more late night visits. Also, she and Seth are spending more time together at home and they're fighting less. When I asked them about it, they both shrugged it off. Bella and I let it go and allow them their privacy.

Still, I'm struggling with the decision, which is why I invited Maggie and Tim to Seth's birthday party. If I'm going to allow him to go to St. Louis for an extended period of time, I want to know who he's going to be with.

There are ten kids, with their parents, in our backyard enjoying the sunshine and the pool. I watch Maeve and Seth through the sliding glass door that leads from the kitchen to the backyard. They're jumping in the pool, happy and laughing with their friends and I'm not sure I can ask for more for my children. I want it to last.

"That woman still makes my blood boil," my mother says from next to me. She's looking at Maggie and shaking her head.

"I know," I say with a sigh.

"Is it wrong that I just want her to go away?"

I laugh and put my arm across her shoulders. "Not at all. I wish that sometimes too, believe me. I even considered letting her move to St. Louis and then not letting Seth visit. But my wife took exception."

She smiles up at me. "I'm sure she did. You need someone to keep you in line."

"That she does."

"I love seeing you so happy. You seem... I don't know. It's more than happy. You're content. At ease."

"I never knew it could be like this," I say. "I thought relationships were difficult and contentious. We're not perfect, but God, I couldn't imagine my life without Bella and Mae. It's so much better than I ever dreamed it could be."

"Maybe Maggie did you a favor." She looks up at me with a wry smile.

"I know she did. I actually had a nightmare the other night that I was still married to her and Bella lived next door, but she didn't know me. You know how funny dreams can be. It was frightening. I had to wake Bella to make sure she was real."

My mom sighs and touches the side of my face. "I don't think I tell you often enough how proud I am of you."

I blush and lean down to kiss her on the cheek. "I love you, Mom."

She pulls me into a quick hug, tells me she loves me, and then we head outside.

I watch Bella talking with a few of the parents and marvel at how far she's come from the woman who didn't like crowds and had difficulty making friends. She's smiling and playing the perfect host. She looks over at me and smiles, then goes back to her conversation.

"Look at you," Maggie says.

I turn to her. "What's that?"

She smiles and shakes her head. "You're different. Your whole face lights up when you look at her."

I nod, not sure what to say. We don't normally engage in even the most casual conversation unless it concerns Seth.

She touches my arm and I instinctively flinch away. "Sorry," she says, her smile fading.

"It's all right. I didn't mean..." I trail off and run a hand through my hair. "I'm not trying to be cruel, Maggie."

"I know. I know it's not comfortable for you to have me here, but I appreciate you wanting to get to know Tim a little."

I nod. I want to tell her it's not for her, that I'm not sending my son away with a stranger. But I take the more diplomatic route. "We had a long conversation. He seems like a good guy."

"He is," she says. "He's good to me and doesn't judge me for my past."

"He knows?"

"Everything," she says. "It wasn't easy to vocalize my failures, but he doesn't make me feel bad about it."

I nod and decide to address the elephant in the room. "Here's what I propose. One month in the summer, preferably July. We split Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then he can come to you again for spring break. But I have a deal breaker. Two, actually."

"What's that?" She looks visibly nervous, but I'm undaunted. This needs to be settled.

"One, he needs to give it a chance, but if after a reasonable amount of time he wants to come back, he comes back."

"Okay," she says with a nod. She's twisting her fingers with nerves, but I press on.

"Two," I continue, "I want you to agree to let Bella have time with Seth should anything happen to me."

She stills her fingers and cocks her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm going to have my lawyer draw up papers that I want you to sign. If I die or am incapacitated for any reason, I want Bella to have some rights where he's concerned. I'm not going to ask you to give up custody, but she shouldn't be forced to stop being a mother to him if something happens to me. That wouldn't be fair to either one of them."

She nods slowly but doesn't say anything as she ponders my offer. I continue, wanting to get it all out there. "I also want him to be able to decide his own fate by a certain age. I think sixteen is fair."

"What does that mean, exactly?"

"It means when he turns sixteen, if he wants to permanently live with one or both of us, or Bella if anything happens to me, he should be allowed to make that decision. Within reason, of course."

"And if he chooses me?" she asks, folding her arms across her chest.

"So be it," I say with a shrug. "I'll have to live with that. But I think it's fair, don't you?"

"So if he chooses to stay here, which you know he probably will, I'm stuck then? I don't see him at all?"

"You're welcome to come here and see him anytime. And we can insist on a holiday or two. We'll work that out when the time comes. I suspect he'll choose to keep things the way they are. He loves you."

She nods and looks down. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

"You always have a choice."

"You know what I mean. I won't give him up. I can't make that same mistake again."

"I don't expect you to."

"You've been really generous with visitation. Thank you for that." She seems so genuine and I think maybe she's finally grown up and understands what it means to be a parent. Maybe we were married too young, but without her I wouldn't have Seth, and I wouldn't know just how special Bella really is.

"I accept your offer," she continues. "I'll just have to make sure he has so much fun he wants to stay with me."

I chuckle. "Do your worst."

"What do you–"

"Daddy!" Maeve calls, running up to me, her brown curls bouncing even though her hair is wet from the pool.

I crouch to receive her and she hugs me briefly before pulling back. "Mama says can you please get the cake and the candles."

"Tell Mama yes, baby."

She kisses me on the cheek and runs away. I stand and remember Maggie was in the middle of saying something. "What were you saying?"

"Never mind," she says with a shake of her head. "You have more important things to do right now."

I walk away and go get my son's birthday cake.

* * *

><p>Later that night I tell Bella the deal I worked out with Maggie. She knew everything already, of course, except for the part about her being given rights to Seth.<p>

"So let me get this straight," she says from the circle of my arms as we lie in bed. "You made giving me parental rights to Seth a condition of this? Without telling me first?"

"Yes," I say softly. Bella and I don't argue much, but I can almost feel one coming on from the tone of her voice. "I didn't tell you because I didn't know how she would react and I wanted to avoid disappointing you."

Her fingers skim across my bare chest, back and forth, back and forth. I'd give just about anything to know what she's thinking and how much trouble I'm in.

She lifts her head and looks at me, her eyes wet. "You did that for me?"

"I... Of course." My brow furrows as she lays on top of me, her face level with mine. A tear slips down her cheek and I wipe under her eye with my thumb. "I did it for you and for Seth. For all of us, really."

She kisses me softly and smiles. "Thank you for making me his mother."

"I didn't so that," I say. "That was all you."

She lays her head on my chest and I hold her close and whisper in the darkness of our bedroom. "We don't share blood, but we're a family and we always will be."

We may have found each other late and suffered unimaginable heartbreak to get here, but everything I love in the world is under my roof right now. Even as we grow and change, what I told Bella is the absolute truth. We're a family. And nothing will ever change that.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading.<p> 


End file.
